Today’s headline: US Supreme Court debates constitutionality of “…under God.…”
Excuse me? WTF? How much are we paying those clowns to debate whether or not something has or has not been printed in fairly certain terms in black and yellow for a bit over 200 years? HOW MUCH? Is this all they’ve got on their plate? You mean ALL the other significant legal issues in the US codes are finally cleared up so that we can now focus on 2 little words uttered by school children (or not) if they so choose?
(At this point, sensitive and/or humorless readers should locate their collective grains of salt.)
That does it. Get that camel a chiropractor! Matchka has finally had enough. By week’s end Matchka and his fellow rebels will have seized control of Executive Branch of the US of A and will begin the new regime wherein Matchka openly acknowledges his position as the fascist despot who will make things…Right.
First things first: There will be no gallows on the White House lawn. GWB & Associates will be ‘detained’ in a secure location for questioning and released on their own recognizance…later. All members of the national congress will be given the opportunity to declare their support of their new director. If they choose not to, they will be free to return (at their own expense) to their residence of record. They will be given 2 weeks thenceforth to secure gainful employment in the private sector or else be ‘placed’ by The Order of Matchka (T.O.M.). All members of the former Supreme Court will be given NO opportunity to officially declare support of TOM—their opinions no longer matter. They will be given two weeks to secure ANY gainful employment in the private sector or else be ‘placed’ by TOM.
Over the course of the following 60 days, the good citizens of the USA will witness sweeping infrastructure changes as well as shifts in the traditional American (yes, we are now unappologetically referring to ourselves as Americans) socioeconomic paradigm. Following are examples that will be implemented before the end of the 2nd week of the regime:
–All salaries for military, paramilitary and public safety personnel will be doubled. Low-deductible, no-copay health insurance will be granted at no cost to said personnel, one other adult, and dependent children under age 25 per stirpes of said personnel. No longer will our protectors have to rely on welfare to survive. All personnel included in this change will be reviewed biannually in person to review physical/ethical fitness for continued service. Once granted, health benefits will not be revoked after October 2005 regardless of the biannual review results.
–Public Education Professionals will receive benefits/reviews as above. Additionally, the traditional summer hiatus for these positions will be spent alternately in education-based travel abroad and recreation-based activities within the USA or abroad as deemed necessary by the professional. Unless specific arrangements have been made in advance, said professionals will not be allowed to reside at their home of record for any but the 2 weeks at either end of the hiatus.
–All prisons and other penal institutions will be converted to high-output manufacture labor camps. Nutrition, Education and Healthcare will be provided at a level adequate to maintain physical & psychological health. Non-violent offenders will be offered parole upon the successful completion of a labor-oriented trade course of instruction. Failure to secure gainful employment within 2 weeks of release will result in the parolee being ‘placed.’ Failure to remain gainfully employed will be considered a terminal parole violation and the prisoner will return to the labor camp for not less than 10 years for remedial self-mastery training. Capital Punishment will be abolished–no easy ways out now.
–Organized institutions traditionally associated with Hate/Supremecist/Intolerance (yes, intolerance will not be tolerated!) will be outlawed and members of such organizations will be incarcerated for not less than 5 years of hard labor combined with a course of study aimed at ‘social reconsideration’ of the individual. If upon release from incarceration the individual continues to practice and proselytize intolerance, lifetime incarceration may be required after careful review by a panel of ‘reasonable persons.’
–While it is not the intent of TOM to tamper in substance with the USA’s fundamental ideological documents, ANY activities that do not support the right of another individual’s pursuit of life, liberty & happiness will be carefully scrutinized and subject to review by a panel of ‘reasonable persons.’ If your happiness depends on the misery of another citizen who would otherwise mind his own business, YOUR rights may be forfeit.
Questions? (non-productive statements without rational back up will be regarded as childish drivel and will be given no consideration by TOM)
