In Which SexyWriter, SexyPuppy, and the Police Wrassle a Bad Guy

Holy shit!

So I was in my bed last night, sleeping away, which is what I’m usually doing at 2:00 am, when I’m awakened by noise. At first, I hear my pup thrashing around in the kitchen, then I hear footsteps on my stairs. I was just getting around to thinking, “Hmmm, wonder how Angus got loose,” because I thought he was running up the stairs to my bedroom, when I hear a HUMAN voice. A man. In my house.

He came into my bedroom and started talking to me. In Spanish. And he kept repeating the same phrase in English over and over again: “Why you open the door? Why you open the door?”

I’d clearly left my front door unlocked. I think he meant to say,“Why did you leave the door unlocked?” But his accent was SO heavy and his English sopoor. My door lock has a little latch I can click so that I don’t lock myself out when I run Angus out for short trots. I’d forgotten to disengage it.

I got a light on and checked his hands for weapons first thing. And tried to see if he had a weapon on him anywhere visible. Nothing. Then tried to get dressed. I sleep nude. And did I mention there was an intruder in my bedroom?

I started shouting at him, ‘You have to go! Get out!’ but he just kept babbling at me in Spanish and sort of coming toward me. He climbed onto my bed before I could jump out and get dressed. He started telling me in Spanish that the police were outside looking for him. So now I think, "Great, I’m ‘harboring a fugitive.’ And I start shouting at him, “You can’t hide here!” I’m trying to shout everything in English and then in my pathetic version of Spanish.

I look out the window and see police cruisers passing one another in front of my house, so clearly, they WERE after him. So as soon as they pulled away, I said, “Look, police are gone, you can leave now.” In retrospect, I probably should have screamed or something. But I was afraid to piss him off. He wasn’t acting really threatening, but I still was so scared!

Meanwhile, Angus is barking like a ferocious beast. I threatened the guy that I was going to let my dog go. Angus would have slobbered all over him and annoyed the hell out of him, I’m sure.

Finally, after much shouting and fear and this guy repeating over and over again for some reason, “Why you open the door?” he leaves. And I dial 911 for the first time in my life.

But the cops were already circling the block looking for him. Mistake number 2: I didn’t check to see where he headed when he left. So now there are like five police cruisers outside and the cops are questioning me: “What did he look like? Where did he go? What was he wearing? Did he hurt you?”

And they’re shouting to one another and their little radios are crackling and lights are flashing and someone says, “Get two canine units over here.”

So now I’m actually excited. I start humming the COPS theme to myself. And I asked the cops if I could see the dogs when they were done. Wow! Police dogs! In my own yard!

The cruisers and the cops and the dogs swarmed my block until 4 this morning. They didn’t catch the bad guy. Plus, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I left the lights on. And Angus was still scared too. We slept on the sofa.

Oh, and I got to pet the police dogs. They were nice and I gave them treats. Angus liked them too. Now we are both exhausted and want to move into a house with someone else.


Holy shit, you’re lucky.

Yikes, great story and I’m glad to hear you are OK. Thankfully the guy seemed more confused than violent, but do me a favor and put a can of pepper spray in the nightstand, OK?

Bad Boys Bad Boys
Whacha’ goin’ do
Whacha’ going do
When they come for you.

Glad to Here you’re OK.

Glad to Here you’re OK?

Feh. That’s what I get for being up since 5:00 with the kid. Oh well.

Take Two:

Glad to hear you’re OK.

That’s a wrap.

Holy shit, that is extremely scary stuff. I’m so glad you’re OK.



Damn, I have nightmares about stuff like that! So glad you’re ok!

Give Angus an extra big hug. And I second Waverly’s pepper spray suggestion.

jesus all the hair is up on my arms now

OMG thats a horrible story!! GET THE PEPPER SPRAY!

Glad you guys are ok, its a wonder he didnt go after the dog to shut it up <shudder>

Not just any pepper spray, but the BEAR STRENGTH pepper spray you can get at sporting goods stores.

(And lock you door from now on, huh?)

Glad to hear you are ok.

I keep a bat next to my bed for similar situations, you may want to think about getting yourself one or the pepper spray. And lock your door :slight_smile:


Wow! What a night for you and your Brave Mascot, Angus. It sounds like you handled it well.

My dogs are all wussies, but at least they sound fierce. As long as the bad guy doesn’t look in the window and notice that the fiercest one (Buttons, how’s that for a fear-inducing name?) is actually, technically, standing ON A TABLE in order to see out, I think he would be intimidated.

Hope you are able to sleep well.


Give Angus a steak, or whatever doggie treat he likes best. Give yourself a little drinkie-poo(or whatever treat you like best). What a nightmare. I’m glad you weren’t hurt, and I hope the cops catch the bastard later.

WOW! Scary!!

I’m glad you’re OK… but before you take Baker advice and have that drink, MAKE SURE the door is locked, OK?:wink:

Wow, what a story…

A lock on your bedroom door might also be a good idea. Can’t be too safe.

Or have you considered a Panic Room? :wink:

Yeepers, that must’ve been scary. Glad you’re OK.

Did the police tell you what they wanted him for?

Hey, thanks for the good advice everyone!

The really annoying thing is that I live in a nice neighborhood. My rent is sky high and this is NOT the “barrio.” (Not that there’s anything wrong with living in the barrio should you choose to do so.) Yet, I’ve been a minor crime victim TWICE in the last year. Someone tore the stereo out of my car earlier.

Yes, my door is locked. I’m usually very careful about it, since I’m kind of the paranoid, “What was that sound!?” type of person. I’m a bit afraid of this kind of thing happening ANYWAY.

I’m also happy to report that the police are taking this VERY seriously. A detective came out and dusted for fingerprints. Tomorrow, I have to go give them comparison prints so they know they didn’t just life MY prints off the doorknobs et al. Then they want me to meet with a sketch artist. So they’re not just messing around with this guy, even though no one was hurt and nothing was stolen.

I’m not entirely sure what this guy did in the first place, but I think it had to do with a bar fight. I’m also pretty sure he was an illegal alien. I got that impression when I was eavesdropping on the police while they were running through my yard.

On a happier note, I went to Provincetown yesterday and stayed until today. I managed to drink away most of my fear, plus, I bought Angus and I each a prize for bravery. I got a handmade hair clippy and Angus got a giant pig shaped dog biscuit. He went to the cape with me too, so we had a lot of fun.