Ah yes… The Great Goatlift of 2000.
Those were heady days, when we were all younger and more foolish than we are now.
You know, I can’t think of too many people who wouldn’t be scared shitless of flying, flaming pigs. Certainly would be cheaper to hurl those at the enemy than some of the munitions we’re currently using.
It might do great things for enlistment, as well.
Think of the distance you could get with the steam catapults on the aircraft carriers.
I think that deserves submission to Ranchoth’s
[quote]
(http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=278787) thread.
I suggest you perfect your technique through the use of dead test pigs, which would have the added benefit of supplying the next PorkDope. Personally, I think a flying flaming dead pig would be nearly as frightening as a flying flaming live pig.
It wouldn’t squeal, though, now would it? Hmmmmmm? By all accounts it’s the squealing that’s the important bit. Sheesh, some people, willing to cut corners whilst in pursuit of truth.
You could staple whistles to strategic points to replicate the effect.
Sheesh, some people, not willing to IMPROVISE, DAMMIT!
Hmph! Anyone who’s ever heard pigs squeal knows full well that no whistle will accurately replicate the sound.
Yes, but where can you get whistles that reproduce the range, pitch, and timbre of a standard pig squeal, wheteher aflame or not? All I’m able to find are those duck call woodwinds, and the little things you glue to your car to scare away deer in your path.
Is Ned Beatty looking for work these days?
RR
Would you set Ned Beatty aflame and then launch him, or simply record his squeals and strap flame retardant tape recorders to the body of the pig?
If the former, you could get Ned to wear John Cusack’s piggy hat from Better Off Dead instead of a helmet.
< Corporate Solution >I have a simple solution.
If people object to us setting pigs on fire, we just won’t set pigs on fire. 
We shall use a substitute.
We shall set cats on fire.
There. All better. < /Corporate Solution >
I disagree. If people object to us setting pigs on fire, we lauch flaming pigs at them.
So, we think squalling, screeching, flaming cats will produce an aural equivalent of a screaming Flammendschwein?
I guess the Elephants will be the judge of that…
(I have a Loony Toons image in my head of a screaming elephant jumping 10 feet straight up into the air and coming down on Bosda)
<MIS Answer>
</MIS Answer>
“You can’t shoot me with that?! That flaming-pig launcher is for shooting elephants.”
“You do and I’ll give you such a pinch!”
No, no, no. If people object to us setting pigs on fire and hurling them through the air, we set them on fire and hurl them through the air.
Then the pigs.
Etherman There is only one word for a post like that, brilliant!
If all you need is the squeal, just glue feathers to the pig, shoot him through the air; the feathers will tickle the pig, and it’ll squeal with delight.
And btw, elephants can’t jump.
Take it up with Looney Tunes. :wally