Inspired by the “jokes you’ve heard lately” thread, this spontaneously came to me- but without an ending! It’ll be obvious what general sort of ending it must have, but I couldn’t come up with a real zinger:
"A traveling salesman stopped at a remote farmstead late one evening hoping to be put up for the night. The elderly farmer who lived there agreed, but said that because he snored so loud the salesman would have to stay in his daughter’s room.
At first the salesman was puzzled why a man would let a stranger stay overnight in his daughter’s bedroom, but the mystery was solved when he saw her. She wasn’t just plain, she wasn’t even homely, she was repulsively ugly, the kind of woman you could only have sex with if she had a bag over her head. So the salesman lay down on his half of the bed and went to sleep.
Later that night the salesman was awakened. It was pitch black, he couldn’t see a thing; but he was laying on his back with an achingly stiff erection, and someone making sighs and moans was riding him for all they were worth. It felt great, so the salesman said to himself “Oh well, all cats are gray in the dark” and just lay there and enjoyed it.
The next morning, the salesman woke up with someone snuggled up tightly next to him from behind. He looks straight ahead and sees the daughter still laying across from him. He carefully turns the other way and sees the elderly farmer wrapped around him with a big grin on his face.
The moral to this story is:
Just because it has gray hair doesn’t mean that it is a pussy at all.
I didn’t create the joke so much as it popped into my head. But the reception must have been off because I didn’t receive the conclusion. I think I’m borderline Aspergers.
The next morning he wakes up to find that absolutely nothing has happened. He slaps himself on the forehead and says, “Oh my God! I’m in the wrong joke!”
…the salesman awakens to find himself bound and trapped inside a giant wicker man statue. Peering through the slats, he sees several black-robed figures, including the farmer and his hideous daughter, who steps forward with a burning torch and sets fire to the base of the statue.
“Someone help me, please!” the salesman screams as the acrid smoke billows up into his face. “My God… who ARE you people?”
The farmer solemnly approaches, leans in toward the terrified and struggling man, and whispers:
The next morning, bleary-eyed and exhausted from a night of frantic love-making, the man stumbles downstairs for breakfast. The farmer asks him how he slept. The man mutters something about having slept well. The farmer nods.
“Yup,” the farmer says, “that room is pretty cozy. That’s why I let my pig sleep up there when my daughter is out of town.”
The farmer asks him how did you sleep? He replies “great, how about you?”
The farmer says “I had the weirdest dream and for some reason my bum hurts”
or
He wakes up in bed alone. The farmer says " Hope my daughter didn’t wake you this morning, she had an early appointment at the lady doctor, her parts has been burning something awful"
I like this one the best. The punchline is sufficiently short, and carries a natural beat or pause with the first sentence spoken by the farmer."
Shagnasty’s idea is good, but the actual punchline has two problems: one, it has nothing to do with the girl’s ugliness, an important characteristic of the joke, and, while it tries to be a double entendre, it’s not quite clear what the surface reading means.