I saw Legally Blonde this weekend (why I went to see it is a long story). Man, even Jurassic Park is more realistic than that movie.
Red Dawn – my favorite comment on this movie was about how, after the scene where the guerrilla teens make a raid on a hunting supply store, they’re shown blowing up tanks with mines. What was in those stores, anyway? To me, the problem with RD was that it had a few scenes that it just HAD to get on-screen, and damn the logic or the quality of the storytelling. Did anyone besides me have the feeling that they ended this movie where they did because they just got tired of it? The end just …Comes!It’s hard to buy the justification at the end. I get the feeling the director just fell in love with the idea of a Soviet invasion, re-education camps, guerrillas, traitors, and the chance to actually SHOW a commie prying a gun from cold, dead fingers. Who cares if there was a plot or character development?
Legally Blonde – Look in yesterday’s Boston GLOBE – apparently one of the authors of the book on which this was based (yes, apparently there was one) was a student at Harvard, and is still remembered with some hate. I think this movie is her revenge, and she identifies with the Reese Witherspoon character.
General Comments – Come on, a thread title like this and THESE are the best examples you can come up with? If you’re looking for misinformed legal reasoning look at Double Jeopardy. If you’re looking for gratuitous artsiness look at The Cell. Heck, look at the fodder for MST3K if you want poor movie choices. I’m still looking for a decent science fiction movie, and all I get are movies based on video games, an idea I’m convinced will never work. But they keep doing it because they want to tap into the huge market of video game fans.
From Dusk Til Dawn.
Okay, so we’ve got our garden variety scene – bad guys hold up store, bad guys take hostage innocent people, bad guys force them to take them somewhere. Yeah, it’s been done, but at least everything makes sense.
But then, innocent people arrive at bad guys’ destination, and, just out of the blue, EVERYONE TURNS INTO VAMPIRES! WTF!? We’re given absolutely no lead in into it, nor are we given an explanation later on.
Yet, despite all that, why do I find myself watching this movie whenever it’s on? Ugh…
You should see the video Rammstein made in tribute to this movie where inncoent people arrive and everyone turns into A German Metal Industrial Band.
Woah.
jarbaby
**
Yeah, I caught that it was based on a book from the opening credits. I leaned over to my friend and hissed, “THIS was made from a BOOK?”
Eye of the Beholder made no sense to me whatsoever. A guy chases a woman all over the country, yet it is never revealed WHY. Even Ashley Judd’s nudity couldn’t make me enjoy this movie.
I’m with ya on Spawn. One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Yet I still sat through the whole thing. I can’t help but wonder why!
Anyone see Final Fantasy? I don’t want to spoil it, but the ending was pretty incomprehensible.
I did not even comprehend **Joe vs the Volcano **
Maybe it was due to the fact that my attention kept on drifting.
There have been a couple corkers that have made me wonder what monkey on crack is writing and producing these scripts?
Hudson Hawk
January Man
Just about any Mickey Rourke Movie has ever been in. ( except Diner)
Most Kim Basinger Flicks
Richard Gere has had a few horrid flicks that I’ve erased from my memory.
What was the abysmal Tom Cruise early film where he plays Puck or and Elf? What in the heck was that?
That was Legend, and SCREW YOU for not likeing it.
(it had Tim Curry as the devil, how could it be bad?)
Well if you want absurd plots, you can’t go wrong with Tomb Raider. Of course, it’s pretty obvious why that script got approved in spite of the plot.
How about I Know What You Did Last Summer? Four teenagers who are so incredibly responsible that they have a designated driver for their private post-graduation beach party suddenly dump a body in the lake to cover up a hit-and-run?
Ugh, I Know What You Did Last Summer was so bad. A bunch of kids being chased by a bad guy that has the inexplicable ability to simply show up wherever they are going, but who doesn’t bother with any sort of real weapons. Not so much incomprehensible as impossible and stupid alternating throughout.
My nomination is Entrapment. The “surprise” ending seems to have come as a surprise even to the writers, as it no longer makes sense why anyone did what they did.
[HIJACK]
There was a stage version of Joe vs the Volcano at my school recently. I mean, really!? Didn’t see it though, so maybe it was good. I heard it wasn’t.
[/HIJACK]
Back in the day I was a projectionist/manager at a movie theatre. Every Thursday night I had to get our films ready to go, and this meant watching them for “quality assurance” such as, no bad splices, no scratches etc, etc. I worked at a smaller theatre (only screens) so, needless to say, I saw a lot of crap films. My Boyfriend’s Back springs to mind, dead boy comes back to haunt girl. Exit to Eden, come on, Dan Akroyd’s and Rosie O’donnel’s characters aren’t even in the book! g-hod how awful! But the worst as far as plot had to go to: Suburban Commando, where an alien warrior type guy (played by Hulk Hogan) tries to fit into suburban life. puh-leaze. Also anything recently starring Arnold Schwarzenegger is pretty awful too.
As an aside, I dare anyone to name an actually good Arnold film since T2. I can’t think of one. Talk about coasting.
I thought True Lies was okay for an “Arnold film” (but maybe that was because of the Jamie Lee Curtis dance scene and the fact that Marines just love the AV-8B Harrier??)
Stalker made no sense whatever. Nor did Solaris. Maybe I should watch more Hollywood movies. Mind you Steven Sodeburgh is supposed to doing a remake :eek:
I’ve always looked at it like this:
The heroes in American action films are immune to bullets. They can walk unscathed through a total hail of fully automatic fire. They can outrun explosions down narrow ducts and hallways. They can take brutal physical beatings for five, ten, twenty minutes at a time with no broken bones, no real bruises, and nothing beyond grimaces. They can do all these things, except for the odd moments where suddenly they apparently forget that they can. (Why are they worried that a bad guy is pointing a gun at the plucky heroine? They never hit anything anyway. And why is he suddenly in such pain now as she tends his wounds? He can take twenty kicks to the head without flinching, yet gently sponging a papercut causes a full-body flinch?) Their abilities are never explained.
Similarly, in wire-fu films, kung fu people can fly and in general move without physics–except for the odd moments where they apparently forget that they can. (Why in the world are they suddenly worried about falling into the fire below? There’s a wall right there to run vertically up.) In exactly the same manner, these abilities are never explained.
Not really incomprehensible, but the movie that comes to mind is “The Spanish Prisoner.” I never understood why the con games being run were so very complex–the main character was taken, very thoroughly, early on. I guess they were just showing off.
That was his brother, the person he’s in competition with the entire movie. I believe they were swimming to a patch of seaweed, but I could very well be mistaken.
I didn’t understand much of Solaris either, and if I hadn’t already known the basic premise of the book, I would have been completely lost. Of course, it didn’t help matters that a lot of the dialogue wasn’t subtitled for some reason…
Some kind soul on this board once tried to explain the ending of THE QUIET EARTH to me (“He went where they went,” I believe was the response).
I still don’t get it. . .
Sir Rhosis