Agreed. I’ve had enough of this troll.
Done.
Could others following also copy Colibri’s post every now and again, so that latecomers to the dinner table see it and not engage the petulant arsewipe?
How am I an asshole? Locrian and Physcopants are lying to your face. Are you OK with that?
To the extent that nobody gives a shit about the actual numbers in question, I suppose you can characterize people as “being OK” with it. Congratulations, you’ve proved that everyone on the Dope except you is a mooching looter and/or a looting moocher. Have a cookie.
Now, do you have any weird dining experiences to share? If so, I’m sure we’d all be delighted to hear about them.
One time in Japan a group of six of us went to a festival a ways out of Tokyo. We looked around for somewhere to get lunch and found an Indian place. Cool, wasn’t expecting that. We ordered and waited. And waited. And waited. The place started filling up and no one was getting served.
It winds up that there was only one guy who was doing it all, and with the crowds from Tokyo, he was swamped.
The really strange part was that the music system was playing one single over and over again, with one line about “you big red lying eyes” or something like that. Because we were talking, at first no one really noticed but once it was pointed out, the song started to drive us all nuts.
We sent one guy over to request him to change the song, and he acted like we were asking him ti kill his mother. Weird.
We did eventually get our food and escaped the song.
I walked into a Chinese restaurant in the middle of a Canadian winter, wearing my big parka. A fellow ran out from behind the till, glommed onto me with a big bear hug, and said in my ear: “You’re so warm.” He stayed attached to me for about a minute. BTW, I’m a guy, so it wasn’t that he was hitting on me. He just wasn’t used to cold weather where celsius and fahrenheit meet. I just wan’t used to be used as a public heat source.
This happened to my uncle. He was at a place that advertised itself as one of the top 100 restaurants in the country. It wasn’t even one of the top 100 restaurants in the city. He ordered a turkey sandwich and told the waiter that he wanted dark meat. When the food arrived, my uncle saw that the sandwich was made with turkey loaf. My uncle reminded the waiter that he had asked for dark meat, to which the waiter replied, “That’s the darkest we have, sir.”
A couple of years ago, I went with some friends to a family-owned Sushi place. The mom was working the front-of-the-house and her son was in the kitchen.
I can get by with chopsticks if I have to, but it’s very difficult for me. So, I ask if they have a fork. No forks. I ask if they have the training chopsticks. They don’t have those either. The mom gives me a full-on mom-lecture about how I need to practice using chopsticks, and if I don’t practice, I’ll never learn how to use them.
So. I start eating with the chopsticks, with the mom coming over to mom-lecture me every five minutes and correct my form. My friends think this is completely hysterical, BTW. Then the son takes pity on me. He does the thing where you stick a piece of napkin between the chopsticks and wrap a rubber band around it (to make kiddie chopsticks). He hands it to me, and I’m so immensely grateful. I am now happily eating my sushi like a three-year old pro.
Then the mom sees that I have the kiddie chopsticks and takes them away from me! With another Mom lecture! Then the son starts yelling at her in Japanese and they argue for a few sentences. Then she says something loud in Japanese, and he stops arguing. She looks at me coolly, and says “You learn proper chopsticks.” And then she walks away with my kiddie chopsticks. 
My friends collapse in laughter, while I’m thinking I’ve wandered into a bad SNL skit or something. Anyway, I haven’t been back there. I mean, the food was good, but I don’t want a mom-lecture while I’m eating.
Thank you for your kind words.
I will make sure to wave at my servers much more often now that I see that this is a common concern. I’m kind of feeling guilty since I really don’t think I have waved at my servers often in the past. Thank you for fighting my ignorance.
And how many waves is the normal minimum? One per meal? Two for exceptional service?
Man are you stingy… once when they are coming to your table… again when they are ready to leave after taking your order… another when they are bringing you your meal, and again when they bring you the check. That’s just the minimum… It is fine to wave to them when they bring your drinks or really just any time you see them in the dining area.
And none of those phony princess waves… make them enthusiastic.
Or repost this:
Personally, I think it’s troll-shaped footwear.
How art thou an asshole? Let me count the ways.
Thou art an asshole to the depth and breadth and height
Your soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal jerk.
Thou art an asshole to the level of every day’s
Most obnoxious poster, by sun and candle-light.
Thou art an asshole, as men strive for right.
Thou art an asshole, as they turn from praise.
Thou art an asshole with the passion put to use
In your old griefs, and with your childish rants.
Thou art an asshole with all the assholeishness we seemed to lose
With our lost youth. Thou art an asshole with all the breath,
Sadness, tears, of all your life; and, if God choose,
Thou shall still be a gigantic asshole after death.*
Sonnet 43
Note, THIS IS NOT A THREAT. It is Eliza-fucking-beth Barrett Browning’s line*. By definition, Eliza-fucking-beth Barrett-Browning doesn’t DO threats. 
**Mostly. Can you spot the difference?
I really hate the “no editing” feature of this site. I hope y’all are kidding around and realize that I meant to Swype “wages”.
This one is pretty minor. I went to an Italian restaurant in Bellmawr, NJ a couple of weeks ago and ordered a rather expensive entree. Said entree came with bread and salad. I’m used to getting a little bowl of oil and vinegar with the bread in Italian restaurants, this came with just butter. I was not offered a choice of dressing for the salad so I figured it came with some sort of house dressing. Nope. It was just a bowl of dry lettuce with a couple cherry tomatoes in it. Really rather strange.
That’s hilarious! I love that they actually argued about it for a while, that’s too funny.
They didn’t even have Caesar dressing? 