Well, I’m an Indian-American born in America to Indian immigrants. I’ll answer some of your questions.
First off, you should note that I feel that I come from a very atypical Indian-American family.
My father and mother knew that when they moved to America, they would have to make many sacrifices in bringing me up. In fact, they brought me up with very little Indian culture and language (a fact both them and I regret). They also raised us in a non-religious household (a fact only my father regrets). My father even quit smoking when he had his first child, so he was very, shall we say, accomadating to his children. I think they really made the effort to integrate us with non Indian community. But they really didn’t have a choice, since the Indian community was really small in my town.
My parents brought me up in a very educationally-oriented household. If I did poorly academically (i.e. anything below an A), I was punished. Otherwise, it was pretty much free reign, as long as we didn’t cause trouble. They pretty much spoiled us rotten.
I was never actually forbidden to date. But since I never did before I essentially moved out, that was never a problem. Drugs, tobacco, and alcohol were strictly forbidden. When I lit a cigar for my high school graduation, my father went furious. But when I turned 21, my dad was happy to shove alcohol down my throat.
Sex is probably one of the more interesting things to talk about. I suppose most parents are frightened/embarrased to talk about sex. But I feel Indian parents are often especially bad. I know of many of my peers that never had any sort of talk about sex with their parents. My parents at least made the effort to tell me the bad things about sex at some point.
My parents would be supportive of anyone I chose to marry. They’d naturally be more supportive of me marrying an Indian, and especially an Indian from our state (in India). I think this is largely because they feel that Indian marriages are much more stable. Caste would make no difference to them. And neither would religion.
As the middle child, I’m certainly the black sheep. Both my other siblings are following the same profession as my parents, but my parents are somewhat supportive of what I do, as long as it’s a somewhat stable profession. My elder brother really has no special status within the family - we’re all treated equally.
I don’t think of my family as patriarichal or matriarichal. Both of them consider themselves as equals. At least they wouldn’t take shit from each other.
I personnally think 8% of christians is too high, I think that % is too high for India itself. I personally only know of one christian indian (married to a hindu). But I don’t go around asking people’s religions, so I could be very wrong.