Indoor Voices (Rather pointless, I'll admit)

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m sure, given that title, that most people will initially assume that I’m here to Pit some hapless parent, and their bawling, squalling, screaming Tazmanian Devil of a spawnling. It’s a reasonable assumption, really. Wrong. But quite reasonable.

No, instead of pitting insufficiently socialized members of the kneecap mafia, I wish to speak up about another issue altogether: People who have no understanding of the concept “Indoor voices.” Not drunk college kids, not toddlers who really don’t know better.

No, this yutz who got seated behind me while I was out to dinner tonight, had a voice that I’d class as annoying, simply for tone and timbre. It simply grated on my ears. What made it worse was that the ahem gentleman in question felt it necessary to declaim at a volume sufficient for conversation within an operating steam plant.

In addition to being crass and insensitive, he was an ignoramus.

I can understand not knowing what bruschetta might be. But when you try to tell the woman you’re with that it’s bread with salsa* on it… Well, I suspect we now know why there were geological incidents all through the Mediterranean Basin this evening. And if there weren’t there should have been!

Then this guy starts going on about his eBay problems. And why he hates PayPal. (Which is quite his right to do.) And he spent what seemed to be twenty minutes whining about customers who were too lazy to go down to the local convenience store and buy a money order for their eBay purchases. Since there was no way he was going to let PayPal take a chunk out of his money.

After all, he’s got expenses.

It took considerable willpower to keep from turning around to point out to him that the approximate 5% bite that PayPal takes off a $7 payment is going to be far less than the poor schlub’s 10% premium to buy that same money order. (Around here the money order prices I’ve seen range from $0.79 to $1.29.) If you’re reluctant to lose that 5% bite, why should you expect your customers to be happy about one twice as large, putz?

What particularly cheesed me was when he started complaining about how he was having problems with one would-be customer who was trying to game the system. Then he talked about contacting second place bidders, not through eBay (I want to emphasize, he was boasting of this - it’s not an inference.) and sold duplicate items to those second place bidders. Nothing immoral about that, mind you. But it is gaming the eBay system. And specifically against the current User Agreement.

Normally, I do try to avoid hearing someone else’s conversations in public places. But if you’re declaiming at a volume sufficient to be heard over heavy machinery, dammit, it’s your own Goddamned fault that people can hear you.

So, please, if you’re going to eat out, and you wish to appear to be other than a spoiled, self-important, self-absorbed little prick, learn to keep your fucking voice down!

*I will grant, salsa AIUI is simply spanish for “sauce” and so this could be a reasonable description, if it weren’t that I believe in the US “salsa” indicates (normally) a dip or sauce with tomatoes, cilantro, onions, peppers, and perhaps some hotter peppers as well. It is not synonymous with the mixture of tomato, basil, olive oil and lemon juice that I believe to be the traditional topping for bruschetta.

2

This applies especially to people who are talking on cell phones in public places. The other day I (and everybody else in the library lobby, where conversation is permitted but is supposed to be quiet) listened stunned as a young woman on the phone explained in clarion tones why she wanted to persuade her boyfriend to switch to an open (non-monogamous) relationship. Honey, nobody needs to hear that about a complete stranger. Really.

Other people can hear you, and if you raise your voice above the level of ordinary private conversation, they will listen to you. Even if they don’t really want to.

3

I’ve always been a little hesitant about teaching kids the concept of the “indoor voice”, because there are plenty of situations where one does not have a roof over one’s head that are nonetheless inappropriate for howler monkey-like screaming. (Examples: outdoor plays, the drive-in, patios at restaurants, etc.)

I’m sure that most parents are careful to teach their kids the difference, but kids tend to be very literal. It probably isn’t an issue, but I’ve always wondered.

4

I did not come with the “inside voice” option pre-installed. God, how I wish I had. I grew up never understanding why my mom would cover my mouth when I tried to ask her a question in the movie theater.

As an adult, I’ve learned to modulate my voice to a quieter, more suitable volume, but if I get tired, angry, carried away, or had even one drink, I lose that administrative control. I understand now that this is a symptom or factor of ADD, and I don’t have a problem with it if I take my med that day. It’s just very, very frustrating to be told to keep my voice down by someone who is obviously embarrassed by me and my voice. I do my best to quash the frustration and pipe down as much as I can, but it’s hard.

The one advantage, though, is that I can make myself heard, even over a classroom full of rambunctious sixth graders, any time I want to.

5

My daughter has no concept of inside voice either. She is extremely loud. I’ve talked to her about it and tried to bring to her attention just how irritating it is, but apparently she can’t hear me over the sound of her own voice. At 23, you’d think she would be better able to work her volume control, but apparently not. I have to hope that other people will bring it to her attention because she doesn’t listen to me.

I can be loud too; it’s mostly when I get het up about something, though. I’m working on that.

6

OtakuLoki

No. Actually I thought you were going to “Pit” some obscure rock band.

7

My Goddaughter and one of my good friends has this particular problem. Even if we’re in a fast food joint I find myself getting extreemely uncomfortable and cringing inside at the volume of their voices. I loooove them deeply, so I deal with it. Once apiece, I tried to help us both out by gently informing them of the situation, and neither time were they receptive to the information, so I gave up.

Mostly, while out in public, I despise loud people. It really messes with my head to be assaulted with a voice that could cut glass or converse to a crowd without a bullhorn.

8

Oh god, my SO’s SIL is just like this. She has this obnoxious horse laugh and this really loud voice.

Now I come from a family of loud people. I’m not all that loud myself, having been outshouted way too much as a child. But his family is not loud at all. And I know to keep quiet and be polite around them.

She can’t seem to change at all! And it embarrasses them, I know. Oh well. None of my business - but I do find it an obnoxious habit as well.

9

I once had a roommate with a cousin who had no indoor voice (let’s call him “Vogon”). Lovely man, this Vogon, but not especially gifted in the verbal intelligence department, if you know what I mean.

Her (the roommate’s) office space shared a vent with my bedroom, so everything that went on in her office played loud and clear in my room.

Once I was sick in bed; I didn’t leave my room for three days. On the first day, Vogon came over and decided that was the time to start transcribing his amateur poetry onto my roommate’s computer. He couldn’t type. So, while she transcribed, he recited it. Loudly. Endlessly. Painfully.

Those were among the worst three days of my entire life. I still get the shudders when I think about it.

10

Best example I’ve encountered of this particular brand of stupidity was a guy on a fairly crowded Muni (San Francisco city bus) talking to a friend on his cell phone. She* was apparently giving him her phone number.

He repeated it back, loudly. Multiple times.

Then he said, “Okay, I got it.” At which point I said, “And so do the rest of us.” Several nearby passengers started laughing, but I don’t think Cell Phone Idiot noticed.

I was sorely tempted to call that number and explain to her that he’d shared her phone number with everyone on the 38 line, but I didn’t own a cell phone at the time.

*The phone volume was high enough that I was pretty sure the person on the other end was female.

11

I’m sure that some people can’t help it. But it sure drives me batty, and for some reason it’s worst in restaurants. Reading the OP I instantly recalled two times I was distured by it. Come to think of it, both times were in the same restaurant. Maybe the acoustics are just really bad there. The last time, in addition to the loud talker, right behind me was a girl with some sort of severe mental disorder, and she was moaning loudly the whole time. I know she couldn’t help it, and I feel bad for her, and there but for the grace of yada yada yada, but man, that was some unpleasant dining. At $30+ per entree, that’s an expensive way to not enjoy one’s self.

12

May I share?

I know the old days where one can barely speak in the library and the old maid library shushed you at the drop of a pin are gone, but there are still some rules that must continue to be adhered to and some levels of civility that everyone must instinctively know about, right? Wrong. Yes, some talking must occur, but keep it down and keep it to a minimum.

It’s bad enough that people don’t silence their cell phones when in the library, but to have one’s phone ring multiple times, have everyone in the vicinity look up in alarm each time an incoming calls is sounded, answer each call and carry on an extended, normal to above-normal volume conversation is unacceptable.

However, yesterday, in the computer room of the library (which compares, to me, to a reading room), this guy two computers away from me carries on a conversation for 15 minutes, despite the many eyerolls he kept getting.

Then, he was reassigned to another (you get two 30-minute sessions, if computer usage is heavy) computer, next to me, and continues for almost another 30 minutes. I caught his eye a couple of times during this period – no change. I motioned to him a few times to move to the hallway – no change. Finally, I asked him directly if he would be on the phone much longer, since he was preventing me from focusing on my reading. He finally hung up, and get up to leave, rolling his eyes at me. What the . . .?

The really interesting thing was, except for a couple of bits, his voice was never very loud. However, he just could not understand that this was not the place to carry on an extended conversation, phone or otherwise. And, since I heard most of the entire conversation (at least his end), I wanted to tell him, “If you’ve been asking that woman whether you can come over and she still hasn’t said yes after 45 minutes, YOU AIN’T GONNA GET NONE.”

13

I would argue that it is immoral, if he is reneging on an agreement.
As to those who don’t use an indoor voice, I tend to insert myself into the conversation as if I were a participant. Often that does the trick.

14

I thought the OP was going to be about voices in his/her head. :slight_smile:

A simpler approach, once the first hint or two fails, is to take part in the conversation, as if you’d been invited to do so. Which you implicitly have been, if it’s happening right next to you and the speaker’s making no attempt to exclude you.

15

With this suggestion, you, RTFirefly, and Contrapuntal are absolutely right.

16

Etiquette to the rescue! In such circumstances, you’re allowed to flag down your waiter and politely request to be moved to a less noisy table.

There’s no contradiction between feeling pity for mentally ill people (or even for normally functioning people who just don’t realize that they talk too damn loud) and wanting some reasonable amount of peace and quiet in which to enjoy your dinner.

It’s rude to complain directly to one’s fellow diners that they’re making too much noise, but it’s perfectly reasonable to expect the restaurant staff to provide you with a decently pleasant atmosphere in their restaurant.

17

Hell, I trained my dogs to use “inside voices”! They won’t bark inside the house- the most they’ll make is sort of a low pitched “woof” if I’m in the room with them.

18

I work with a number of Koreans, Chinese, and Indians. All of them use “indoor voice” when speaking English, but for some reason switching to their native language means they no longer feel the need to keep quiet. Not that they’re shouting, but they suddenly start talking at a volume more appropriate for a restaurant or coffee shop than an office.

And I can’t insert myself into the conversation because I don’t speak their language…

19

Hey, if it weren’t for the loud talkers, how would I be able to eavesdrop when my companions are boring?

20

Sure you can. Just say What? What? What? louder and louder.