Fair enough; ISTM that a crumpet looks more like the so-called “English muffin” than like anything else I’m familiar with from the standard American bakery repertoire, but of course that’s a far cry from a crumpet actually being the same as an “English muffin”.
I hope I didn’t come across as snarky right there - it wasn’t my intention - my own assumption had always been that the American version of English muffins was identical to the things we just call ‘muffins’* here - they are externally very similar - they look like a flattish disc-shaped bread roll - inside though, the English English muffins are more like a slightly dense bread roll with a soft slightly crumbly texture.
Only when I made a video contrasting (our) muffins and crumpets, did I learn that American English muffins are more aerated and porous inside and are thus somewhere between the two.
*‘Muffins’ can mean either the bread thing or the cake thing here; this might seem like it would be confusing, but in reality, it seldom is (the situation where someone says ‘would you like a muffin, but I won’t tell you which kind’ never arises)
Clearly you’ve never played Muffin Roulette.
It’s not unlike the Monty Hall game, except behind the doors you could find an American English Muffin, and English English Muffin, or a mule*.
*This incredibly funny joke is based on one-time popular British children’s television puppet, Muffin the Mule, who had gone off air over a decade before I, the person using him as a punchline in a joke aimed at mostly American readers, had even been born. It’s this kind of material that means my personal chances of being a content creator are pretty much nil.
In the novel At Bertram’s Hotel, Miss Marple and her friend Lady Selina are having afternoon tea at the famous venue that seems stuck in time. Lady Selina tells Miss Marple about getting muffins in America that weren’t muffins at all. They were “like tea cakes with raisins in them.” Miss Marple shakes her head with a gentle harrumph. “The Americans have a lot to answer for,” she replies.
Not in the least, no problem! Now I am reminded that there is something I was meaning to ask you, in your capacity as British Guy Who Knows Interesting Stuff, but I can’t remember what it was. Damn. Oh well, this is off-topic anyway…
ETA: Oh wait! Got it! (Hitting “submit”, like going back and sitting down in your chair after you forgot what it was you got up to look for, causes a memory reboot.) I was reading some old recipes calling for “hartshorn”, ammonium chloride I think made by burning deer antlers, and I wondered if you’ve ever made or used it?
This is still totally off-topic, though, so ignore at will!
Well, the allusion definitely went over my head, so your footnote is appreciated. However, now that I understand it, I think that your multivalent muffin references, including the parallel between the Muffin mule and the original Monty Hall goat, along with your brilliant segue back to the actual thread topic, were 
I think I’ve probably heard of hartshorn before - it rings a bell, but never seen it for sale. I do recall seeing Ammonium Carbonate in lists of ingredients for some packaged baked goods somewhere - I imagine that ingredient was the chemical form of the thing, rather than actual ground up antlers though.
Also, by sheer coincidence, I am publishing a video about making crumpets and pikelets this week
bookmarked! 
Make all the jokes you want, but I’ve seen some girls in accounting whose greatest desire was for them to show me their spreadsheets.