Most prescription pain medicines virtually require a Guinness to achieve their maximum potential of pain-relievedness.
Geez, all I do today is Edit.
Also, the one where you should wait five minutes before trying to light the grill if it doesn’t light right away? Nope, keep the gas running a toss a piece of newspaper soaked in lighter fluid in there.
Toss from a few feet away though.
Really you should use a splash of buttermilk instead of milk and butter. Oh man it’s good.
When I make ramen noodles, I drain them and put a little butter and seasoning on them instead of making a soup.
I came here to post that!
I just can’t put half a stick of butter in one little ol’ pan of pasta. My boyfriend does, though, and I’ve never noticed that his tastes any better than mine.
I have been known to smoke after applying hairspray, BEFORE my hair is completely dry. And I do not always hold the hairspray ten to twelve inches away from my head.
I have been known to leave candles unattended. I do not always trim the wick before lighting.
I take three or four Advil sometimes, instead of two.
I do not generally drink medications with a full glass of water.
I do not forward chain letters.
I do not ever wash in “warm with like colors.” Everything is washed in cold water except my sheets and towels.
I do not consult my doctor before beginning a diet or exercise regimen.
I think if you’re washing your hair once a week (say, you’re vacationing in the 1940s), this is sensible and will actually get your hair cleaner. Daily or every-other-day washes? Not so much.
I always take three or four Advil.
I don’t take my fish oil pills with food. It’s oil in a gelatine caplet! At worst I will have fishy breath.
I don’t measure the milk for cornbread mix or anything that uses Bisquick. I always add an egg to Bisquick dumpling recipe.
“Use only detergent designed for front loaders” is only for those people who don’t think a tablespoon of detergent and a tablespoon of non-chlorine bleach is plenty for most loads.
That warning before you download anything that tells you to close all your applications.
I am physically incapable of following a recipe. The food usually comes out tasting good - even if it’s not always what I intended to cook in the first place.
I don’t wash my bras or underwear or anything else in the gentle cycle. I also do not hand wash. Also, I often wash my dry-clean only pants.
I don’t follow instructions when setting up a new coffee maker.
As mentioned upthread, I also don’t check with a doctor when I alter my diet or exercise.
“Do not stand or sit” on the top of a stepladder. That’s a perfectly good step, and I’m standing on it if I want to.
“Do not lean against doors” on the NYC Subway. Ha, ha, ha.
Not while they’re closing or opening, of course, but once the train is moving, the doors are an excellent way to have some guaranteed non-passenger contact point, and (for the people under 5-feet-5 who can’t reach the overhead bars) a good way to keep balance on the train without having to force your way to a space where you can hold on to a vertical pole.
Or just to be able to look out at the rest of the train with your back to the wall, for that safer feeling.
“Before using this device, please read these instructions”.
Yeah, right! I’ll get to that direction book when I run into a problem. But that may come too late, because
“keep these directions in a safe place for future use”
is ignored too.
There’s the obvious “please read the conditions and terms of use before you agree to them”. Someone could hide a novella down there. The terms of use could be “by clicking OK you implicitly accept to be taken to an undisclosed location where you’ll be forced to fellate underage llamas”, I. Don’t. Care. Register me or install the damn game already !
Please wear an antistatic bracelet to muck around inside your computer ? Who does that ?
And I’ll rip the tags off my matresses if I want to. Try and stop me, go on, try. Make my day.
Who are you Darth Vader? :dubious:
That’s for companies, not you, so your mattress has only the stuff it’s supposed to.
I ignore traffic signs and drive as conditions dictate. Those who don’t understand this should not operate motor vehicles.
I went through a thing a couple of years ago where I kept buying things that said, “Do not dry clean. Hand wash only, in cold water with mild detergent. Dry flat. Cool iron if necessary.”
I also have a formal gown that said not to hand wash, or dry clean. I’m allowed to dab at it with a damp cloth.
Fuck all that. Off to the dry cleaner they go! Maybe the dry cleaner reads the instructions, maybe not. At any rate they come back all nice and ironed. Maybe they didn’t wash the formal at all, but at any rate, it smells better and doesn’t seem to be missing any of its thousands of sequins.
Also, what the hell good is a cool iron going to do? Maybe if it sat on the garment for a couple of days.
ETA: Bath mats have instructions?
I’m the same. I run every stop sign I encounter, whether it be a slow, rolling stop or a 100 km/h blow-through at a country crossroads where I can literally see for miles that there is no cross traffic. Also, the yellow lines on the highway that indicate passing opportunities. Who decides where those are placed? Some of them are downright foolish. Also, I never wash fruit.
OP topics.
So guys, what does happen when a plane’s on a treadmill?
“Sign here if you have been given a full explanation of the HIPAA regulations” - yeah I don’t want to hear it or get a 70th copy of it so I’m just gonna sign here.
I don’t treat sealed soda bottles as loaded guns-- you know, point away from others when opening.
I often drink more energy drink than is recommended for a person in a day. Two eight-ounce cans a day? Four cans? Pshaw. Four 16-ounce cans, sure.
I don’t keep the packaging to medicines which come in a bottle. The box is handy to hold blister-pack sheets or packets, but bottles are on their own.
My frozen pizzas, like others in this thread, are never baked according to directions. The manufacturers always make the baking times way too long, oven temps way too high. 22-30 minutes at 425 degrees? Funny how 20 minutes at 400 turns it into a smoldering disk. (Almost regardless of type or brand of pizza, I bake at 375 for 15-18 minutes, and 8-10 minutes in, switch the pizza from baking sheet to directly on the middle rack or vice-versa.)
I use Q-Tips practically only for cleaning out my ears (or sometimes for dabbing ointment on mouth ulcers :/).
One instruction I ignore every time is the one which comes with video games, that is to sit as far from the screen as the length of the mouse and keyboard cables allow. I don’t sit with my nose up to the monitor, but come on! I sit at, what I’m going to call, normal desk distance, and nothing will make me change my ways.