Interesting Work "Lessons"

And let’s not forget certificates. I mean, who doesn’t want another crappy, meaningless certificate? If you frame them, you spend money. If you frame them and hang them on your wall, you look like you’re a total idiot who’s desperate for validation. Tshirts are NOT one size fits all, and even if the company does have a lot of different sizes and takes the trouble to match the recipient with the proper sized shirt, not everyone likes Tshirts. My husband, my mother, and I all hate to wear Tshirts because we don’t like the crew necks on them. I like vee or scoop necked Tshirts, but almost all of them have the high, close-fitting crew neck. I find these very uncomfortable.

I had one manager who handed out LPs (long playing vinyl record, this shows my age) as rewards…and who got offended when some of the recipients left those LPs at the workplace. First of all, not everyone is going to love some random LP, there is no one musical genre that everyone loves. Second, the manager had clearly scooped up a bunch of records from the clearance bin, even if they weren’t cut-outs. He would have done better to hand out candy bars. At least most people do like candy. Best of all, he could have given a raise to one or two people, to show that raises WERE possible. That would have affected HIS rating with the company, though.

I only worked there for a year. And I only worked for that manager for 7 months. He had an incredible turnover rate, and he was always wondering why…he couldn’t seem to get it through his head that his workers wanted to be rewarded, just as he wanted to be rewarded, with money, not with useless items.

Some of the things posted were pretty good. What I’ve learned, seriously condensed, are the following:

So called empowerment is bullshit.
So called teamwork, as it usually turns out, is bullshit.

Watch your back.
Keep your CYA files at the ready.
If anyone wants to fuck with you, for any reason (or no reason at all), let them know you can and will totally destroy them by any means necesary.

Oh, we get a higher quality of crap. But you’re right about no physical labor.

Absenteeism is a huge problem in most call centers, because – frankly – of the poor quality of the employees. Because call centers have such huge staffing needs, they tend to lower their hiring standards, which then creates a loop. Worse hires → more problems → more firings and MIAs → even worse hiring. That was our basic problem.

When I did interviews, it wasn’t so much to determine if someone was good enough or not; it was to determine if I could give a good reason not to hire them. Not hiring an applicant who passed the temp agency ‘screening’ required me to fight with someone over it on several occasions. The screening was if they had six months of customer service experience and a high school diploma.

The only exceptions were if a) there was a good reason to believe that they would fail the required background check anyway; b) if they admitted to a crime of dishonesty, prosecuted or not (e.g. a guy admitted he was fired for theft of cheese, and yes this actually happened to me); or c) if there was some huge red flag that might make us liable for ignoring (e.g. became very hostile, violated anti-discriminary policy, etc.).

On many occasions, I dug in my heels, saying, “This person WILL be a problem. Do not hire this person. If you do, it WILL be trouble.” The managers insisted that these were not significant enough to not hire someone:

  • Showing up for a job interview in a tube top, miniskirt, and flip-flops, and chewed gum the whole time. Spent the interview staring at the wall and couldn’t really answer my questions. The six months of customer service experience was babysitting (informally). My manager claimed we should “give her a chance” and that babysitting “deals directly with parents, the customers”. Yeah, she didn’t even make it through training.

  • Was being hired for a technical project and was not sure what a mouse was. The manager claimed we could teach this person all the computer skills needed to be a good tech support rep by the end of the then-reduced-to-one-week-due-to-hiring-crisis training class. Made it less than a week out of training before quitting in tears because we didn’t have the resources to train the person basic computing. (Trainers weren’t allowed to flunk people out.)

  • Admitted to being fired for the last few jobs for absenteeism. Had no particular plans of how to do things differently now. Manager: “We should give her a chance, she has good experience.” (She had six months customer service, all right – at about four different jobs.) She was fired for no call no show within the first month.

I repeatedly went to managers and said, “Look. We need to raise our standards. People leave training and see what a madhouse it is and run screaming if they are good employees. If we crack down, we might run into a contract penalty for a month or two for not meeting service levels, but we can turn this around; right now we are not meeting service levels anyway over half the time because people don’t show up. Let me put together a team of interviewers from our management pool and train them, and work with trainers to spot problems before they hit the floor, and if you crack down on supervisors and make them deal with the most visible problems, we can turn this center around. There are good employees coming in, we just scare them away!” Of course, my plan was too expensive… because paying for training, hiring, recruitment, background checks, whatever for classes of which we usually kept 1/3 past the first 2 months wasn’t a huge waste of money.

I hear things changed after I left after they put in some managers who knew what they are doing. Turnover is still high but not shockingly so – more in line with the industry (we were doing three times that).

Absenteeism is funny, though. There are a surprisingly high number of people – even very intelligent and capable people – who think that a job should, you know, let you come in whenever you feel like it. This would make a lot more sense if we weren’t a call center. It’s not like the calls will magically come in when we have staff. Even then, I often had the chat with people to explain why following their schedule was so important, and why attendance is the number one thing, and why if they didn’t shape up, they’d get fired. Very very seldom did people work it out. Even people who literally cried and begged for their job, and how badly they needed it, would fuck up within like a week. I was astounded.

I especially “loved” people who thought having kids meant a free pass at life. Look, I know raising kids is tough and doing it as a single parent is even worse. But if you honestly don’t think you can show up on a regular basis, and you go to a job where in the interview, one of the questions is, “The most important duty you have in this job is to be here consistently. As a temp, we expect you to show us that you can do this by absolutely no absences and no tardiness in the first 60 days. Is there any reason why you believe, barring something unforeseeable, that you could not do this?” Of course they’d assure us they could do it… then miss two days out of their first week, show up late the rest of the time, etc.

I understand if your kids get sick, I really do. But if your response is “You guys hate families! My kids were sick and they come first! It shouldn’t count if you miss work 'cause of kids!” and not “Look, I’m really sorry. This doesn’t normally happen, but I was really stuck, the kid got an ear infection and daycare wouldn’t take him. I promise this isn’t typical for me”, well, this means that you will be fired for absenteeism sooner or later. This is a business, and showing up half the time – not okay. So many people don’t get this.

On the whole kids thing;

Back in circa 1989, some executive of our company got it into his head that we needed to be more “Family Friendly”, and that this meant bigger pay raises for people with children and more excuses for them to take off to deal with or spend time with their kids.

Within 3 months those of us without kids were howling with rage because it had become standard operating procedure for people with children to work roughly 30 hours a week and disappear at the drop of a hat, while we were being told to suck it up and pick up the slack. For less money.

Just after the six month mark, they finally realized the errors of their ways and ended the program.

Hey, was a great gig while it lasted for the married with kids people, but hell on Earth for us single people. I’d said as much up front, but who listens to the peons?

One of the things I’ll never, ever, understand is those companies which combine a “no T-shirts at work” rule with giving away T-shirts. I mean, if the T-shirts had the company logo it would be a way to use their people as billboards, but I’m talking about things like a red T-shirt with a stamped white cross for donating blood (very Swiss indeedy, only this was in Philadelphia), no company logo anywhere.

Dear HS “Principal”,

Your lessons to me have been to watch my back at every turn, focusing almost as much on whether some 14-year old has his shirt tucked in as my actual teaching. I also now obsess as to whether my room is locked, making my attitude for crap. You also have no idea how to teach, much less take my technical class, and you have made decisions based on thin air whims before.

I’ve just pretty much learned to make you marginally happy, and to not let you know anything. Anything you know is a club to beat me with.

No one likes you.

Really.

It sounds to me that you got the applicants who failed the temp agency screening, since I’m sure they figured out that your company would hire the people they could never place anywhere else.

Oh, I’ve been meaning to rant about this for a while

You are lucky you landed a job in this economy. Why is it so difficult to come in to work???

The company I work for ( I don’t actually work for them, the owner and I co-own a side business but I work out of their offices) hired two new salespeople earlier this year.

One of the main reasons they took on two new employees was a time card audit done earlier in the year and they discovered 4 employees had not worked more than 30 hours a week in the past year. So they fired one of them and cut the other 3 to 30 hours a week, figuring that knowing which 30 hours they would choose to work in a given week would help with scheduling.

Then they hired the 2 new guys. These are not entry level jobs, the company is selling a huge range of complex products, most which need to be customized. I believe they started these guys at about 60K a year.

You’d think they’d be thrilled to be employed, right.

This is a sales and customer service job selling products to other companies. The business is open from 9AM to 5PM and customers expect their salespeople to be reasonably available during those hours.

On his first day one of the guys told the boss he needed 2 afternoons a week off for a standing “doctor’s appointment”, I am assuming he was in therapy. The other one just started coming in at 11AM each day, no word to anyone.

Then it got back to management through the grapevine that he was telling the other employees that he had special permission to come in late every day.

So they told employee 1 that they would give him time to rearrange his “doctor’s appointments” so they were outside of business hours and told employee 2 to get to work on time. Both guys also had to start punching the time clock, too…usually salaried salespeople don’t have to punch a clock but it is annoying for the people answering the phones when they don’t know who actually came to work that day.
Same patterns continued plus all the people that had been cut to part time starting wanting their hours back.

Then they started in with needing days off.

The following days are not holidays and you should not expect to be able to take off work whenever they occur.
Your Birthday
Your Wife’s Birthday
Your Husband’s Birthday
Your Child’s Birthday
Your Mother or Father’s Birthday
Your Wedding Anniversary - no not even your yearly ones much less your 6 and 3 month ones.
Halloween
Valentines Day
The day after Halloween or Valentines Day
The Friday before a Monday Holiday
The Monday after the Superbowl

and you shouldn’t be expecting to get these days off.

Both guys were finally let go, they never “got” the fact that no matter how well suited for the job they were they are useless when they arent there.

My boss got mad at me today because I asked if I could leave an hour early.

Oh, he’s not mad I want to leave early.

He’s mad because I asked if it were ok to leave early. “Do you mind if I leave at 4:00?”

Because “we’re not that kind of company that tracks all your time down to the minute”.

I offended my boss by being considerate.

So, lesson learned.

Beware: The next lesson will be “We don’t tolerate leaving early without permission” as you’re being fired.

I wouldn’t be surprised. Everything is a trap with him. Either way you go, you’re screwed.

I will say that I have been that person before. I was unemployed and needed income but there was no way I could live on $9 an hour with no benefits long term. However $9 was way better than $0 so I took it and then called in sick or came in late if I had another interview for a job more suited to my skill set and luckily for me it never took more than 30-45 days to find a new job. I apologize for all the crap people like me put you through in your interviewing position.

Oh, I understood those folks. Really, I did. But keep in mind, new hires got the schedules nobody else wanted? Guess when those were? Right, not in business hours. The odd person would get lucky, or would get one of those 8:30 - 4:30 Wednesday through Sunday schedules, and I’d understand when they’d be gone a half day every week or two. There is no way that the person who blows off their shift every Saturday is doing it for a job interview.

Trust me, I liked those people – the “fillers”. Hell, I’d do it myself in a New York minute. Fillers usually kept to themselves, did the job but just missed a little more time than they should and left without notice (or much notice). Not even close to my worst employees.

100% correct, of course. The sad thing is how long it took management to get wise to it. Within a week of interviewing, I caught on and management blew me off. The supervisors eventually proved their case by working together and finding that over half of the people, oops, didn’t have the qualifications we needed. They foisted off whoever they could get in our direction. After all, some of the supervisors were rotten too, and would approve anyone (since it was easier than trying to argue not to).

I had some serious words with a recruiter on more than a few occasions. Once, I said, “Look. You and I both know this person doesn’t remotely fit our qualifications and is not suitable for this job in any way. I can’t stop you from shopping this person around to other departments, but do NOT bring people like this to me again.” I was only able to do this because my manager was tweaking out on meth so much as to let me and one other person basically run things, but it worked: our department would get the best applicants, and if we rejected them, they’d be taken for a second interview to another department.

I lobbied long and hard to have people interview only for their own teams, or at minimum, their own shifts – so they’d have to deal with the consequences of their actions. This was deemed unworkable and without merit.

Call Center today;

Eighty-something year old customer is being told to click on something by the first tier support person. I’ve been through this a dozen times and this particular kind of customer is my least favorite to deal with.

He can’t find it on the screen.

It’s right there in front of his face. She verifies that he is, in fact, on the correct screen, because he reads off every motherfucking line on the screen except the one thing he needs to click on, which is the very first item.

Consults me (second tier) under the auspices of a wonderful catch-all term that we have: Unable to Gain Agreement.

I tell her that while doing Apple desktop support, I once argued* with an elderly man for seven solid minutes about his inability to see the Apple which is in the upper left hand corner of the screen. Of every fucking apple computer there is. He insisted he couldn’t see it, that it wasn’t there. Finally, I gave up, threw in the towel and said “Well then, I’m sorry sir, but if you are unable to find and click on the apple on your screen, then I am going to be unable to help you any further.” His immediate reaction was “Oh, oh there it is!”. :rolleyes:

Since then, I’d repeated this same conversation with a string of elderly customers who were absolutely refusing to see what was right in front of their face, and every goddamned one of them, upon being told that I couldn’t help them anymore, suddenly decided that they could, in fact, see what they’d just spent several minutes refusing to see.

So I advise her to do this. She asks if we are allowed to do this. I say that, technically, we are not, but that I know this will resolve the issue. I write up my instructions in my consultation notes, in case she gets in trouble for it.

I check her notes later.

“Customer found the item to click on”. :stuck_out_tongue:

Of course, some people had a problem with this, and told me that we’re not allowed to do this and I shouldn’t have told her to do this.

Fuck 'em. It works.
The real reason they’re telling you that they can’t find it is because they don’t know what they’re doing and are afraid to do something wrong. So they stall, fail to see things, and generally withhold cooperation in hopes that YOU will find a way to resolve it for them. But there is no magic wand.

  • Don’t read as “argued”, but rather: Spent seven painful minutes trying to describe exactly where on his computer this mythical apple was located while the customer kept repeating that it wasn’t there and he couldn’t find it.

I too was frequently amazed by the numbers of elderly customers who had flown fighter aircraft during The War or worked as radio operators or generally done any number of Complicated Technical Things in their careers, yet couldn’t grasp that plugging a DVD player (or VCR) into a modern TV involved simply making sure the red, yellow, and white RCA plugs went from “AV OUT” on the DVD player to “AV IN” on the TV.

Especially when you consider that RCA plugs have been around since the 1940s. They’re not exactly “new”.

I realise that people’s ability to learn and comprehend new concepts decreases as they get older, but I can’t help but wonder if some people play it up because they really can’t be bothered, rather than because they genuinely don’t get it.

Hey, could either of you please go over to my mother’s house and make sure she’s plugged the microphone’s pink plug into the socket that’s within a 1cm[sup]2[/sup] pink area and the green plug into the socket that’s within a 1cm[sup]2[/sup] green area? She’s got it in writing by her own hand. She’s got it printed out. My brother has checked it twice so far and both times it was plugged wrong. Of course, every time I call her and can’t hear her, she swears it’s plugged right.

Something I learned once:

At one point during some project work I was 2 months ahead of schedule and bored shitless. When I offered to help my coworkers (who were between 1 and 6 months behind), they’d say “no, no, I can’t delegate anything, it’s my work, I’m responsible for it and I must be the one who does it.” The boss didn’t like me because I didn’t go out drinking with him (one of the guys had the same problem), he didn’t want me to read at work, he didn’t want me to chat with people at work, he didn’t want me on the internet at work (of course it was fine if someone a month behind but who drank spent two hours reading the footie pages).

In other projects I’d mostly been working with techies and nerds, who were perfectly happy to hoist “monkey work” on anybody who happened to have time. So I said “ok, why isn’t that working here?” and I set out to analyze my coworkers like an anthropologist or a behavioral biologist.

  1. The boss is a damned gorilla: agressive driver, insults coworkers, insults other drivers…
  2. Even the nicer guys are engaging in gorilla behavior after six weeks with that boss.
  3. Well dang, they’re just being territorial when they refuse to delegate!
  4. OK; so in order to get them to give me work I need to approach in a non-threatening way. Where did I put my “puppy eyes kit”… damnit, I’ve never been any good at puppy eyes…

There were five guys. I targetted the other non-drinker, because on one hand he was not a natural gorilla and on the other he had a spine; the two gorillamost ones would have needed an amount of puppy-eyedness I’m just not capable of, and the two weakest ones would have been too afraid of offending the big gorilla. So, I approached him and, instead of offering my help, asked him to help me by giving me some work (and I did it sitting in the lowest chair we had, so my head was lower than his shoulder).

Five minutes later I was preparing the first draft of his manuals :stuck_out_tongue: Halellujah!

So what did I learn?

When your teammates behave like gorillas, you need to channel Jane Goodall.

Speaking only for myself, sometimes I don’t understand what a CSR is referring to because the CSR is using jargon that I don’t know. For example, some years ago I was told to “click on your desktop”. I had no frigging clue what a desktop was. I thought it was some icon or other, you know, like the recycle bin. So I dutifully searched my screen for something, anything, that looked like a desktop, or was labelled as a desktop. Similarly, I called XBox support last month, and was told to “go to the dashboard”. My response was :confused::confused::confused: “Why do I need to go out to my car?” That’s the only place where I was sure that I’d find a dashboard.

If people in a field appropriate a term, and start using it for a new item, then they need to make sure that they remember that people NOT in that field might not be familiar with that usage.

My husband’s company once had a retreat and gave everyone a very sharp, pricey denim shirt embroidered with the company’s logo. One of the guys proudly wore his shirt in to work the following week and was sent home to change because of the company’s ban on denim clothing.

I had a co-worker who expected her “son’s birthday week” as vacation, though she had used up all her vacation. We couldn’t accommodate her request for unpaid leave because other people had the time off, so she called off sick for the entire week. She managed to get to a doctor to get a receipt for a visit; said “sinus infection” on it. She faked a cold.

FYI, Lynn, if you’re ever having trouble with the XBox, feel free to PM or post in Cafe, we’ll fix it.

How’s Guitar Hero treating you? Next week is downloadable Abbey Road. Going to need some help getting it?