It would be funnier except that — reality preceding parody — we’re actually using western music as a military tool.
The detainees at Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib and other such places report being blasted with very loud disco, rock, and rap music as part of the torture.
Just read an article about it yesterday, I believe it was in Newsweek although conceivably The New Yorker instead.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
The time has come for us as American’s to face the grave realities of our world. Iran’s banning of Western Music is an outrage we cannot stand idly by and allow to happen. Fortunately, this is not an even unforeseen by us here in the Cluricaun Command Module. We’ve been developing a tool, a tool of such magnitude and perfection that it’s success is nearly guaranteed. We are prepared to outfit Clay Aiken with a portable, state of the art mobile sound system that fits in an ordinary back pack. We will fly him into Iranian airspace in the dead of night and drop him from the plane, so that he can croon his songs for upwards of 2 minutes before landing. Sadly, budgetary constraints do not allow for the use at this time of a parachute; however we feel that 2 minutes of the Claymax 1000 system is certainly adequate.
Good choices, but I say the heck with and use the Big Gun!
“Hawaiian Love Song.”
Look at what it did to those dang Martians…
In all seriousness, I think the best rebellion against this will come from Iranian, Islamic rock musicians, who I understand are already operating underground.
This thread is pretty funny, but isn’t it true that most Iranians have satellite TV and can pick up Western television stations whenever they want? As long as they keep their equipment hidden, they can listen to whatever they want, right? I wonder how long it will be until Iranians get fed up and overthrow their government?
Great, we go from Armageddon to ripping a hole in the fabric of space-time.
Can’t we just send troops instead of ending the universe?
Hey, it looks like Google’s offering Moving Companies AND Shipping to Iran to make the musical occupation easier to pull off!
Bowie’s ‘I’m Afraid of American’s’ would almost certainly be a hit.
I find it ironic in the extreme that the only thing that Ahmedinejad and the American Mullah Pat Robertson can agree on is that rock and roll is evil.
I’d like to propose a powerful weapon tp fight this dire threat to the institution that is pop music. I call that weapon:
Wait for it…
Footloose 2: Iran Can’t Dance
Kevin Bacon and John Lithgow are still alive so they reprise their characters from the original. Lithgow’s Protestant fundemental minister emigrates to Iran to help the government fight the scourge of Rock music. Bacon’s character can be a foreign service officer stationed in Iran, maybe CIA chief of station. His Iranian girlfriend, played by Salma Hayak (she is ethnic, after all) risks everything to come to the embassy to ask Bacon’s help in fighting against the forces of repression. Bacon, who has kept his dancing shoes with him even though it’s been years since he’s put them on. He is reluctant to help. It could cost his job. He’s also afraid that he’s lost his dancing chops. He declines to help until, one day when walking home from work, he sees a Tehran street busker brutally beaten by the Iranian security forces for the crime of playing guitar and singing “Kumbayah” and busking at a bus stop. Bacon realixes that Allah allowed him to witness the beating for a reason. When he gets home, he pulls the special shoes out of the velvet-lined bg they’ve been in for too many years. He puts them on and the inevitale triumphant rebellion begins.
The government can mass produce the movie on dvd and do a saturation bombing of the major Iranian population center with copies of the film. Thus, a movie about a rebellion can inspire a real rebellion. The youth of Iran will rise up, oust the government, and gratefully rejoin western consumer society. Talk about life imitating art.
If ever there were a time for ABBA to reunite…
I hear that. Send them to Iran for a tour. No matter what happens after that, we all win!
No wonder I can’t find a copy of * Ministry of Sound Clubber’s Guide to Tehran*.