Iraq/Afghanistan Victory Celebration! Budget: $20 million

You can’t keep up with the weirdness. No matter how you try, they’re always one step ahead. If I had made this up as a snarky spoof, no one would buy it. Too stupid. Too weird.

See what I mean? Could you make this shit up?

A parade! Gotta have a parade! Ranks upon ranks, row upon row of grateful Americans lauding The Leader for his brilliance, his vision!

Junkies For Victory, for instance, to call attention to the bumper crop of opium being harvested this year in Afghanistan. Smack prices will be at an all time low! Crime will necessarily plummet, as junkies are not entreprenuerial, they just steal enough to feed the monkey, then retire for the day. Candy bars. Stock up on candy bars, observers can pass them to participants, kinda like passing water to racing bicyclists.

Gotta have some sort of tribute from the prosthetic limb industry. Some sort of generic “Hoory for The Leader!” without mention of any brand names. That would be in poor taste.

Of course, some sort of provision must be made to remember the Iraqi civilians who gladly sacrificed themselves and their families to make America safer! What was it? 2 or 3 hundred? Whatever.

Further suggestions for the Victory Celebration are solicited.

Don’t knock it - with compound interest this little sucker will see off World Poverty and the National Debt. The Gathering Of Perverts is truly the master of fiscal responsibility.

It’s more a marker of politics and the military more than any party-specific behavior.

Countries celebrate victories (and plan for victories in hope)…and it doesn’t matter whether we celebrate several thousand dead people or several hundred thousand dead people, the mass of whom were just civilians exterminated by a Democrat who nuked a city…or two…

…countries actually celebrate. And it costs money.

Perhaps President Chelsea Clinton II could teleport to the Enterprise and deliver her victory speech under a banner bearing some sort of phrase that pithily encapsulates the whole thing?

And to think that some democrats scoffed at the lack of post-war planning.
This’ll put an end to that partisan nonsense!

Actually, that’s extraordinarily surprising, if true…I can’t image $20 million going unspent by congress.

It’d be a mighty boring celebration, too. I mean, it’s not like anyone surrenders after a huge final battle.

“The president has decided that the insurgency has shrunk to level that it can be handled by the local police and military, and has begun withdrawing troops! WOOOO! PAR-TAY!”

Band name!

Yay! Freedom burgers and Mission Accomplished Fries for everybody!