This past Saturday, in a show that had to be 50% larger than usual to fit Giada’s head in the same space with Flay’s ego and Batali’s girth, Giada “The Head” De Laurentiis, aided by Iron Chef Bobby Flay, took on Rachel “I’m a cook, not a chef” Ray, aided by Iron Chef Mario Batali.
They went head-to-head with the secret ingredient, cranberries. Each side decided to do a take on Osso Buco (braised veal shankes), with Giada/Bobby using venison and Rachel/Mario choosing turkey legs. While we all knew the announcers couldn’t make it through the show without commenting on the fact that 1 hour was two 30 Minute Meals, possibly giving Ms. Ray the advantage, by the 1,000[sup]th[/sup] time it was quite annoying.
After the obligatory bikini cat fight in jello, the chefs and cooks presented their meals to the judges, world-reknowned for absolutely nothing at all.Ray/Batali swept all the categories and easily won over De Laurentiis/Flay, with Batali kicking ass on the desert.
As the show went to close, the winner was heard saying, “Ain’t gonna be no rematch” while the loser replied, “Don’t want one.”.
They were both on their best behaviour through this match. Ray was way too busy to do any obnoxiously perky bits, but she can’t control the latent perkiness. Flay probably wanted to get into Giada’s pants, so he wasn’t being a surly asshole. Batali, as usual, was just having a grand ol’ time. This is fun for him, and it shows.
I was hoping it would be Batali and DiLaurentis against Flay and Ray, the Italians against the Annoyings, so I could root for the Italian team. But I guess they decided to put the literal big-head together with the figurative big-head. Despite her big head, overly toothy grin, accent that only appears when saying Italian words and the porn music that plays when she prepares food, I do prefer Giada over Rachel Ray, at least she doesn’t say “EVOO, Extra Virgin Olive Oil”* all the time! Well, at least Mario beat Bobby so it’s all good, gotta love the red-headed Italian guy.
*It isn’t shorter if you have to explain what the initials mean every time!
What is really needed is for Alton Brown to step down from the announcers box so we can have a Brown/Ray smackdown and finally lay to rest any doubts who the true King of the Food Shows is…
Me: Maybe they’ll tie, and settle it with some naked mud wrestling. My wife: Do you really want to see Bobby Flay and Mario Batali naked mud wrestling? Me: Touche.
Alton said at a lecture in Nashville a few months ago that he’s more likely to show up as the secret ingredient on ICA than as a competitor, mostly because he’s sure he’d get his ass handed to him. Then again, I’m pretty sure he could spank Rachael’s big fine ass.
Part of the charm of Good Eats is the whimsical but scientific approach. Alton without huge pepper seeds, dragon spray bottles, and W on equipment duties just wouldn’t be worth it. Kitchen stadium isn’t about science, it’s about art.
One thing that I noted is that Giada seemed to have a bigger hand in creating her side’s dishes than Rachel did. The zeppoles and the ravioli seemed to be Giada’s inventions. I didn’t get the same feel from Rachel, that she brought any Iron Chef-calibre dishes to the table herself.
Goods Eats is also about simple food, and food preparation techniques, not about new fancy creative dishes. Somehow, I don’t think Alton would impress much in Kitchen Stadium by whippinig up a homemade mayonnaise and frying some chicken. RR has some inventive dishes, but her strength is organization and little tips that cut time - like making “stoup” in two pots so it tastes like it’s been simmered for a long time when it hasn’t. That skill could be useful, but unfortunately I missed the show, so I’m only speculating.
But, if you need someone to get in that vat of EVOO with Alton, I’m your gal!
Batali is what makes the show for me these days. I like Bobby Flay’s dishes most of the time, so I can ignore his ego. Cat Cora looks like she has fun more often than not, but Batali knows exactly what is at stake - nothing, it’s entertainment, and that is what he tries to provide.
I loved his ‘bribe’. That tells you his mindset right there.
And the look on Giada’s face when she lost to the ‘cook’ was priceless.
Let me preface this by saying that I might be the biggest AB fan on earth. That being said, Alton’s show is often about taking food preparation that would ordinarily be simple and making it more complicated than it needs to be. Yes, much of it is perfectly logical and worthwhile, but I always chuckle when he says “All you’ll need is…” and proceeds to name 15 different pieces of hardware.
I think LIFE is fun for Mario Batali. I really enjoy that about him, and that’s why I keep watching him.
In regards to Alton being a challenger, I don’t think it’ll ever happen. He’s just not that kinda chef. Although he is dead sexy in person (and he smelled good, too), he doesn’t strike me as a think-on-his-feet chef.
I actually wish that neither of them had help from any actual chef and that they had to go it alone (well with sous chef, like the real Iron Chefs). Honestly, my palate isn’t that complicated. Most of the dishes served during the full on ICA matches sound plenty interesting, but aren’t things I think I’d enjoy. OTOH, I’ve made plenty of things from Rachel and Testa Gigante’s shows and they’re pretty decent. I know it’s all about chefs flexing their culinary skills, but still given the choice over some chicken alfredo or creamed reindeer gallbladders served with dandilion reduction and tree bark, I already know who I’d be voting for.
I don’t blame you. Any body who would serve that ought to be flogged. Creamed reindeer gallbladders should always be served with pond scum, not tree bark!
:eek: