I know you said “practically”, so you were leaving room for exceptions. But in our experience it’s been hardly mandatory. My wife works and breastfeeds. Our 4-month-old son sleeps in a crib in the next room. Once or twice a night, I get a shove in the back and hear “Bring your kid in here”. I proceed to do the zombie diaper change (I almost always put them on right-side out) and bring him in to the bed. Sometimes I put him back to sleep, sometimes she does.
The point is that with some good spousal teamwork, it doesn’t have to be that hard for a working mom to get sleep and feed her kid.
How about a single mom? Or a mom whose spouse isn’t so helpful?
The difficulty with any extreme position is that it doesn’t apply consistently to everyone. For some people, as **VOW **found, co-sleeping is necessary, and for others, as your wife found, it’s not.
VOW’s explanation is sound, however. Unless one or both parents are impaired, co-sleeping is not the hazard that this campaign portrays it to be. Sure, there may be other factors involved that contribute to SIDS in co-sleeping situation (i.e., overly fluffy, soft bedding), but those factors are not limited to co-sleeping arrangements. Those factors pose the same risk to children in cribs and an argument can be made that they pose an even greater risk as the infant is removed from the presence of its protectors, who may not be aware of an infant that is in peril.
When I co-slept with my children, I felt every movement and heard every breath and was awakened by the slightest changes. And yet slept better because falling back to sleep was easier as it was unnecessary to be alert enough to navigate to another room. It was also easier on my children who didn’t need to be physically disturbed in order to be fed.
And infants don’t “need to learn how to sleep in their own bed.” That’s just rubbish.
My bolding. Is it really a “chilling irony”? Wouldn’t it be more ironic if there were no co-sleeping deaths at all? This whole irony thing just confuse me.
With regard to this article, there is no exploration into any of the details associated with the death, including cause of death. Further, the article lists Milwaukee’s infant mortality rate, but doesn’t associate it with a rate of co-sleeping or even in any way reporting what percentage of those deaths are linked with co-sleeping. Is this perhaps a misguided attempt to appear proactive by vilifying a practice that actually does no harm while ignoring other potential causes, both direct and indirect, for the infant mortality rate? So many questions, so few explanations. Just another example of emotionally provocative reporting?
Did you mean SIDS statistics? Otherwise I’m very confused!
While I think some of the reports are overblown, I do think that our modern bedding is a little more risky than what we used in caveman days. We had a waterbed when the kids were little and putting a baby on that to sleep was a BIG no-no, as there were documented deaths due to babies on waterbeds.
Now, I did find a way to co-sleep - well, more what I called “snack and snooze”, so I could get some rest while the baby was nursing. It involved positioning everything JUST SO, with baby’s head on my outstretched arm, me on my side, pillow behind my back, covers pulled down a bit. But I never trusted that for more than an hour and was nervous the entire time.
If you want your kid to learn to sleep through the night, your chances are better if you put them in their own bed and let them soothe themselves to sleep.
ETA: we kept our infants in a bassinet beside our bed, until they were about 8 weeks old, when they moved to their own room and were sleeping about 8 hours a night. By the time they reached 12 weeks they were all sleeping about 11-12 hours a night.
I’ve seen this before, and I was entirely sure what Cecil was saying here. And, in fact, it almost seems as if someone else wrote it, as it’s the only time I’ve seen Cecil not answer the question.
Yeah, your kids were good sleepers. Lots of babies don’t “soothe themselves to sleep”. It is unusual for 2 month old babies to sleep for 8 hours straight.
You honestly think if everyone did the exact same thing you did, that they’d get the exact same results?
Is the rate of infant death higher when co-sleeping than not? Do any of the above cites have that data? It doesn’t look like it. Keep in mind Korean Fan Death. It only takes a handful of “My grandmother died, and there was a fan in the room. Fans cause death!” before you can’t sell a fan in South Korea without a built-in timer on it.
When my first baby was eight weeks old, Daddy left for Germany. Baby and I lived with Grandma and Grandpa until we could join him.
We’d lived in Germany before (Hubster was US Army) and I wanted to wait until we came to the top of the list for government housing. With a baby, I wanted reliable heat and hot water.)
My parents did help out, but for the most part, when the household went to bed, the baby was my responsibility. I breast-fed as long as I could, and I also had to get up early in the morning, get both of us dressed and out the door, and then drop off Baby so I could go to work.
I functioned better at work if I had some sleep.
Baby had colic and the ONLY way I could get any sleep was to take her to bed with me.
I joke that she didn’t sleep at all for the first year of her life.
As to the requests for data, it will be almost impossible to find. The web is overrun with argumentative presentations on both sides (as alluded to above - the Attachment Paranting method relies heavily on co-sleeping).
In the end, each parent will do what they feel is best, but my approach with my 3-month-old has been to use AAP recommendations as a baseline and make modifications as required, paying special attention to their more strongly worded policy recommendations.
I have no idea. All I know is that it worked for each of my 3 kids and they are all very different kids…just they just have me in common. So I’d be more willing to say that if I raised everyone else’s kids, there’d be more of a chance that the kids would have the same results.
OK its possible that there is a third factor related to cot death and co-sleeping, that’s not being taken into account but that is pretty strong evidence for a link.
If this was true, there wouldn’t be an episode of “Dead Men Talking” that featured Dr. Michael Baden explaining that one woman’s loss of four children over a period of a few years to “SIDS” was actually a result of her rolling over on them and smothering each of them while sleeping.
I always thought the fear of co-sleeping arose from way back in the day when parents had children they couldn’t really afford to feed and had a habit of “accidentally” taking care of their problem (eventually leading to the establishment of orphanages with what amount to privacy doors where you could drop a baby no questions and have nobody know who you were so that people could do something with the kid other than smothering it). I never suspected that it was that much of a risk unless you were impaired due to the prevalence of more intentional co-sleeping related fatalities.
Have any of the modern studies taken into account the state of the household etc that may be causing people to do it intentionally? It may be people that feel they don’t want an abortion, but finding they can get sympathy if their baby “happens” to die while sleeping with them.
It does not say if the father was impaired (I’m guessing he was).
I co-slept with my daughter (much easier to breastfeed that way) but I had her crib with the side off next to my bed so she pretty much slept in that til she was a little older. From the age of about 1 she just slept in the bed with me and my husband. She only recently (at the age of 7) started going to sleep in her own room. YMMV and it depends on the type of parent you want to be, but as long as precautions are taken, I don’t think that co-sleeping with your baby is any more dangerous than putting your baby to sleep by itself in a crib (where it can die from SIDS).
