Is being a picky eater inherently bad?

[begbert2]

@acsenray

Here’s something that is unavoidable: Eating in groups is a basic human social ritual. It’s not now nor has it ever been simple about filling stomaches. In a social group, the members take turns letting individuals have their choices, and in any group, that choice is going to displease somebody. The way human interaction works is that that somebody goes along and maybe next time he or she gets his choice.

Food preferences that are so limited and so extreme that they interfere with this kind of interaction amount to a social disability. By extreme, I mean things like “I can never eat at X restaurant or at Y-style restaurant” or “If we go there, I’ll have to eat bread and water.” And has been suggested, the person who can’t get over this disability is going to piss people off.

The inability to accomodate the preferences of others is ALSO a social disability - one called “being an asshole”.

Some of the non-picky eaters here seem to thing they’re standing on some sort of moral high ground. They’re not - from a social perspective they are doing exactly the same thing as the picky eaters - they’re in disagreement as to where the group should go to eat and wish to have their preferences served. This is not a morally superior position just because they’re too damned picky to eat at McDonalds three times in a row.

@acsenray

As many of the picky-eater defenders keep saying, “It’s just a meal.” It shouldn’t necessarily require extensive planning, and setting this kind of a bar for a routine social interaction interferes with the smooth operations of casual or professional relationships.

The inability to say “you guys feel like getting lunch? I was thinking of getting Mexican.” is a social disability. Seriously, the latter sentence is too difficult to push past your lips?

If you want to get specific about the social disability here, it looks like a form of egomania to me. The non-picky person expects the picky person to infer without being told that the non-picky person doesn’t want to go to “the usual place” on this specific trip, and then graciously bow out in advance of knowing the plan, or buckle down and eat horrid-tasting shit as punishment for not having the glorious food preferences of their non-picky master. 'Cause stooping to mentioning that you want to go someplace different this time is too much of an imposition on the great master, who requires that his desires be known before they’re mentioned and that they be accomodated by all.

@acsenray

No, the key here is that everyone else takes turns having meals at restaurants they don’t like or having food they don’t like in social situations in order to keep things moving without going apeshit or without going on a hunger strike at the common table.

Bullshit. We have here two people, the picky eater, and the guy who likes everything. Under what circumstances is the guy who likes everything taking turns having food they don’t like? That’s logically impossible.

What’s actually happening here is that there are two picky eaters: the one who doesn’t like variety in his diet, and the one who doesn’t like a lack of variety in his diet. Each wants their own way, and logically, they can’t both win. Either of them can magnanimously concede - the picky one can go and have bread and water with his friends at the exotic place*, or the supposedly-non-picky one can go and have food he likes well enough - in place of what he’s really in the mood for right now. Note that if they “take turns”, the supposedly non-picky person is actually not compromising, but getting their own way 100% of the time, since they’re getting their variety - unless they’re actually so picky they never want to go to the picky-person-friendly place.

• What, that ain’t good enough for you? Why in the hell not? He has to eat food he hates, just to satisfy…what? Your sadism?

@acsenray

You are intolerably picky if you expect that this limitation will be acceded to every damn single time that other people want to share a meal with you.

Your inability to tolerate the preferences and needs of others is a social disfunction.

@acsenray

Is your stomachache perpetual? Well, you’re going to find that it creates a handicap for you in social relationships.

Only if your friends are socially handicapped assholes who can’t appreciate that some people have their own dietary preferences (and needs?) that a socially capable food-variety-tolerant person is fully capable of accomodating - or addressing in conversation, giving the picky person the opportunity to opt out in advance rather than getting all passive-aggressive on them or developing the egomaniacally deranged idea that you have some kind of right to force people to go to a place they don’t want to go and eat food they don’t want to.

@acsenray

Again, everybody routinely takes turns eating food that they don’t particularly like, without throwing a fit about it.

Again, this is self-serving bullshit.

[billfish678]

@begbert2

Again, this is self-serving bullshit.

I bet you use that as an excuse not to tip either

[begbert2]

@billfish678

I bet you use that as an excuse not to tip either

If I serve myself? Hell yeah!

Though at buffets*, where the server doesn’t bring my food but does bring water and take away plates, it becomes knottier. They haven’t preformed the level of service I usually consider deserving of my usual 1/6th tip - but they have done some stuff for me. What to do, what to do?!

• I’m not too picky to go to buffets. I know somebody who is - he’s one of the non-picky guys who eats all kinds of wild foods. However he’s not an asshole about it, so it all works out without the kind of stress some in this thread complain about.

[Algorithm]

@enipla

On Friday, the other folks (5 of us total) suggested sushi. Well, I don’t eat fish. But figured that there would be something there I would enjoy. So I simply got online, and sure enough, they have Thai food as well. Good to go. Otherwise, I suspect I could have gotten some sort of vegi roll, tempura and rice. That works too. Or I might have excused myself from lunch.

You’re a good example of why my answer to the OP is “no, being picky is not inherently bad”. You minimize the impact your preferences have on your social circle.

If everyone had a mature attitude like this one, I never even would have clicked on this thread.
Yes, there are people who have a less mature attitude, and they’re a drag to go out to eat with. And sometimes, going out to eat with them is unfortunately the best or only option. I am aware that this does not apply to every “picky eater”.

[billfish678]

@begbert2

Though at buffets*, where the server doesn’t bring my food but does bring water and take away plates, it becomes knottier. They haven’t preformed the level of service I usually consider deserving of my usual 1/6th tip - but they have done some stuff for me. What to do, what to do?!

You commanderre the PA system and anounce that “all “servers” must leave the building” …and then, during the confusion, you sneak out without leave a tip.

[enipla]

@Algorithm

You’re a good example of why my answer to the OP is “no, being picky is not inherently bad”. You minimize the impact your preferences have on your social circle.

If everyone had a mature attitude like this one, I never even would have clicked on this thread.
Yes, there are people who have a less mature attitude, and they’re a drag to go out to eat with. And sometimes, going out to eat with them is unfortunately the best or only option. I am aware that this does not apply to every “picky eater”.

A compliment? Holy Cow!

Even though I mitigate my so called ‘Pickiness’ (I don’t consider myself a picky eater), there are people that try to make it their business.

Thanks Al

[begbert2]

@billfish678

You commanderre the PA system and anounce that “all “servers” must leave the building” …and then, during the confusion, you sneak out without leave a tip.

I usually just set fire to a table, for the distraction. That usually works too.

[pbbth]

I think expecting people to bend to your will because you don’t want to go to a specific restauant is kind of an asshole thing to do whether your reason is because what they serve isn’t bland enough or because it is too bland. I get that there are picky eaters at both end of the spectrum though. What I don’t understand here is why you wouldn’t tell people in advance what you have in mind food-wise so they can make a choice?

I’m picky but I have yet to find a restaurant or business lunch that didn’t serve something I could eat, however there are a lot more restrictions for me than just taste. What if your coworker comes by and says, “Hey, would you like to go to lunch?” and you say, “Sure!” only to find out when you get in the car that they are going to Bobby Van’sor Three Forks? I sure couldn’t afford that and I need to know ahead of time approximately how much lunch will cost. Or what if they say that they want to try something different like Chickalicious? Would you be cool basically having a 3 course dessert for lunch? What if they want to go someplace that is a 20 minute trip each way? If you have a schedule that won’t allow for a long lunch you need to know that ahead of time. There are lots of things that you need to know about and plan for before you just pick up and head off towards whatever lunch or dinner you may be invited to and no one should ever be expected to join you if your choice of meal doesn’t meet their needs, whether those needs are food based, time based, or price based.

[billfish678]

There are two extremes. The members of the Culinary Liberation Front. And the members of the Irritating Picky Eaters (not to be confused with regular picky eaters that just go with the flow when required).

The thing is, the CLF people have plenty of their own time to go do their own thing on their own time without bothering anyone else. But, the IPEs are a pain 24/7.

IME true IPE’s arent that common. Nor are CLFers. But I’ve heard WAY more complaining from middle of the road people in regards to IPE’s than I have about CLFers.

[begbert2]

@billfish678

There are two extremes. The members of the Culinary Liberation Front. And the members of the Irritating Picky Eaters (not to be confused with regular picky eaters that just go with the flow when required).

The thing is, the CLF people have plenty of their own time to go do their own thing on their own time without bothering anyone else. But, the IPEs are a pain 24/7.

IME true IPE’s arent that common. Nor are CLFers. But I’ve heard WAY more complaining from middle of the road people in regards to IPE’s than I have about CLFers.

You surprised me - I thought you were going to say “The thing is, the CLF people have plenty of their own time to go do their own thing on their own time, so they have no real reason to be bothered by the idea of accomodating the IPEs when they happen to be eating together.”

The only way an IPE can be irritating 24/7 is if you never want to eat the things they like, 24/7. Which as best I can tell makes you an IPE.

Two conventional IPEs in the same group are also a certain recipe for disaster, unless they happen to ‘align’.

As for conventional folks being more annoyed by IPEs than CLFs, I think it comes down to the fact that 1) most people aren’t assholes, and 2) most people recognize that the CLF’s complaint of insufficient variety is petty whining compared to forcing people to eat stuff they don’t want to. So, people will invariably accomodate the IPEs when there is an IPE in the group -and if it isn’t then the normal people become IPEs incomparison to the CLF, and they accomodate themselves. So groups that are limited by IPEs are probably nearly as common as IPEs themselves, while groups being dragged to places against their will by CLFs are probably nearly nonexistent.

[Lamia]

I’ve never encountered one of these “bad picky” people who always insists on having their own way for any lunch outing and also insists on being included in every lunch outing. I’ve never even heard of such a person except in these “picky eater” threads. So I’m also skeptical of those who claim they have to endure such people all the time.

I go out to lunch with coworkers quite often, and have never had someone insist on having their own way over everyone else’s objections or refuse to go anywhere but their particular favorite place. I also can’t think that we’ve ever left the office without the whole party knowing where we were going. Either one person says “Hey, I’m going to [restaurant], anyone else want to come?” or someone asks their particular friend to go to lunch and they work out where to go before leaving. This doesn’t require any great effort. If I did have a friend or coworker who insisted on ONLY eating at McDonald’s, then I simply wouldn’t ask her to lunch unless I were also in the mood for McDonald’s.

[enipla]

@billfish

I like your CLF and IPE monikers.

We need one for people like me. A person that does not like some things, but does not make a big deal about it. How about, TBN - (Thanks, but no).

@begbert2

You surprised me - I thought you were going to say “The thing is, the CLF people have plenty of their own time to go do their own thing on their own time, so they have no real reason to be bothered by the idea of accomodating the IPEs when they happen to be eating together.”

Surprised me too. I thought I mis read it or mis-understood.

@begbert2

As for conventional folks being more annoyed by IPEs than CLFs, I think it comes down to the fact that 1) most people aren’t assholes, and 2) most people recognize that the CLF’s complaint of insufficient variety is petty whining compared to forcing people to eat stuff they don’t want to. So, people will invariably accomodate the IPEs when there is an IPE in the group -and if it isn’t then the normal people become IPEs incomparison to the CLF, and they accomodate themselves. So groups that are limited by IPEs are probably nearly as common as IPEs themselves, while groups being dragged to places against their will by CLFs are probably nearly nonexistent.

It’s Friday afternoon at home, after fighting code all day that will not cooperate. I’ve had a couple of beers. And I think you have bruised my brain.

Lamia I can’t remember meeting a CLF or IPE in my life either. If it did happen, it did not make a big enough impression on me to file it away. Makes me wonder if the few CLF’s and IPE’s deliberatly push other peoples buttons. Wana have dinner? Feels like an Arby’s night (Sienfeld).

[aruvqan]

@Lamia

I’ve never encountered one of these “bad picky” people who always insists on having their own way for any lunch outing and also insists on being included in every lunch outing. I’ve never even heard of such a person except in these “picky eater” threads. So I’m also skeptical of those who claim they have to endure such people all the time.

Not entirely certain you would consider it so, but when I was telecommuting, I would be in the office once a month. I adore middle eastern food, and there is none within 50 miles of where I live, unless I cook it myself. I would always desire to order from a middle eastern delivery place on my one day of the month in the office, but one person insisted that that place always gave her the runs and refused to order, and everybody else would go along with her. I could never order the delivery food because the minimum delivery order was way more than I could possibly eat for lunch I gave up asking after the 5th month. Great, that left me with pizza, subs or chinese delivery foods All of which were within 15 miles of home, or on the way home for mrAru to pick up.

[billfish678]

@begbert2

You surprised me - I thought you were going to say “The thing is, the CLF people have plenty of their own time to go do their own thing on their own time, so they have no real reason to be bothered by the idea of accomodating the IPEs when they happen to be eating together.”

But its NOT ONLY the CLFers that are irritatted by the IPE’s, and they ARE NOT, as you note highly irritated by the IPEs.

What the CLFers and IPEs are bitching about is irrelevant, its how their behavior affects OTHERS.

Its the BIG group in the middle that really matters. And as you say in your post, its the IPEs that cause the actual grief for the group in the middle, not the CLFers.

[begbert2]

@billfish678

But its NOT ONLY the CLFers that are irritatted by the IPE’s, and they ARE NOT, as you note highly irritated by the IPEs.

What the CLFers and IPEs are bitching about is irrelevant, its how their behavior affects OTHERS.

Its the BIG group in the middle that really matters. And as you say in your post, its the IPEs that cause the actual grief for the group in the middle, not the CLFers.

Wellll, if you want to get technical about it, the people in the middle are the ones causing the problem - by choosing to bend to the IPE’s wishes despite not wanting to. This engenders resentment, anger, and eventually a murder out behind the dumpster, as these things inevitably play out.

If the middle grounders would simply make it clear to the IPE that they’re sometimes going to go along with him, but sometimes they’re going to go exotic and he can come or not if he wants, uncounted lives could be saved. And as an added bonus they’d find out how much if an asshole the IPE really is - maybe they will demand that the others bring them along to the place of their choosing, rather than cheerfully waving them on. Or maybe the middle grounders just assumed they’d be assholes, and are reacting accordingly.

[Lamia]

@aruvqan

Not entirely certain you would consider it so, but when I was telecommuting, I would be in the office once a month. I adore middle eastern food, and there is none within 50 miles of where I live, unless I cook it myself. I would always desire to order from a middle eastern delivery place on my one day of the month in the office, but one person insisted that that place always gave her the runs and refused to order, and everybody else would go along with her. I could never order the delivery food because the minimum delivery order was way more than I could possibly eat for lunch I gave up asking after the 5th month. Great, that left me with pizza, subs or chinese delivery foods All of which were within 15 miles of home, or on the way home for mrAru to pick up.

Wait, are you saying you were the “bad picky” person, or the woman you worked with? Because you sound like the pickiest person in that group, always wanting to get food from the same place that no one else liked. Your coworkers were only refusing food from that one place, which is a lot less picky. But it sounds like none of you were throwing a fit about it, so I wouldn’t consider any of you to be really “bad picky”.

I’m not sure why you’re blaming the one woman for no one ever wanting food from this Middle Eastern place – she may have been the most vocal, but if everyone else went along with her then it was because they didn’t like it either.

[aruvqan]

@Lamia

Wait, are you saying you were the “bad picky” person, or the woman you worked with? Because you sound like the pickiest person in that group, always wanting to get food from the same place that no one else liked. Your coworkers were only refusing food from that one place, which is a lot less picky. But it sounds like none of you were throwing a fit about it, so I wouldn’t consider any of you to be really “bad picky”.

I’m not sure why you’re blaming the one woman for no one ever wanting food from this Middle Eastern place – she may have been the most vocal, but if everyone else went along with her then it was because they didn’t like it either.

My previous job was very clique-y … and the reason I wanted middle eastern food is because I live in the ass end of the state, with no access to middle eastern foods unless I make them. They work and live in the major city in the state, and eat chinese, italian and subs every day … so 1 day a month one could think that they would actually agree to get something less popular … Several others liked the middle eastern food when I managed to convince them to order [when S. wasn’t at work, oddly enough - the single person who whined about the food] but when it came to the one day a month I was in, they went with the extant clique in office.

Sorry, even working, I didn’t have enough money to spend $25 just on food for myself … [the minimum delivery order]

And FWIW, I do eat chinese, italian and subs as if I want take out, they are close to the house or as I said on the route home my husband drives every day. I just happen to like middle eastern food, and I do not think it is outragously rude to ask that the one day a month I am in the office that we order it once and a while.

[Lamia]

@aruvqan

My previous job was very clique-y … and the reason I wanted middle eastern food is because I live in the ass end of the state, with no access to middle eastern foods unless I make them. They work and live in the major city in the state, and eat chinese, italian and subs every day … so 1 day a month one could think that they would actually agree to get something less popular … Several others liked the middle eastern food when I managed to convince them to order [when S. wasn’t at work, oddly enough - the single person who whined about the food] but when it came to the one day a month I was in, they went with the extant clique in office.

Sorry, even working, I didn’t have enough money to spend $25 just on food for myself … [the minimum delivery order]

And FWIW, I do eat chinese, italian and subs as if I want take out, they are close to the house or as I said on the route home my husband drives every day. I just happen to like middle eastern food, and I do not think it is outragously rude to ask that the one day a month I am in the office that we order it once and a while.

I don’t think it’s outrageously rude either, but in the situation you described then you were the one being picky. It sounds like you were decent enough not to be a jerk about it, but from the perspective of your coworkers you were the person who “always” (not every day, but every day they saw you) wanted to get food from the same place and expected others to go along with this. They were apparently happy to get lunch from a variety of different places, and your problem was that their list of favored restaurants did not include the only restaurant you wanted.

There’s nothing at all wrong with asking your coworkers if they wanted to get Middle Eastern food with you, but they were under no obligation to go along with this request, regardless of how often you came into the office or the restaurant situation in your hometown. Why should they agree to get something “less popular” when only one person really wanted it? They weren’t preventing you from getting the food you wanted on your own. If you couldn’t afford to get a meal delivered from this restaurant by yourself then that’s too bad, but it wasn’t the fault of your coworkers.

If it had been me, I’d have avoided the drama and the delivery fee by just going to the Middle Eastern place by myself for an early dinner after work.

[enipla]

@begbert2

Wellll, if you want to get technical about it, the people in the middle are the ones causing the problem - by choosing to bend to the IPE’s wishes despite not wanting to. This engenders resentment, anger, and eventually a murder out behind the dumpster, as these things inevitably play out.

Hmm… Rifle or handgun. If I use a rifle I can take them out as they get to the car. But, if I wait until I get in the car, I can do it up close and personal.

Sushi? I don’t think so.

Decisions, decisions…

[Acsenray]

@CandidGamera

It was a basic human social ritual when people had to hunt in groups to survive and had to eat whatever they could find. We’ve come a long way since then. We’ve developed language, for instance - so the basic human social ritual is the conversation, not the meal - meals actually get in the way of conversation, because mouths tend to be full while eating.

This is blind denial of basic human nature. First of all, all this developed in concert with things like language. Second, humans even now heavily rely on all forms of connecting, verbal and non-verbal. Third, whatever technological advances have taken place to make food more plentiful have happened much to soon to have any effect on basic human nature. Fourth, in reality, everyone is always a step away from hunger. Breaking bread is embedded as a basic form of human interaction. Wishful thinking isn’t going to help anyone handwave it.

@begbert2

The inability to accomodate the preferences of others is ALSO a social disability - one called “being an asshole”.

What are you talking about? The key here is that each person takes turns accommodating and no one gets a permanent veto. That’s what accommodation is. A group always acceding to the preferences of the same person is not accommodation.

Some of the non-picky eaters here seem to thing they’re standing on some sort of moral high ground. They’re not - from a social perspective they are doing exactly the same thing as the picky eaters - they’re in disagreement as to where the group should go to eat and wish to have their preferences served. This is not a morally superior position just because they’re too damned picky to eat at McDonalds three times in a row.

It’s not that they’re too damned picky to eat at McDonald’s three times in a row. It’s that in a group, people take turns surrendering the power to choose to others. The person who never surrenders is violating the rules of reciprocation.

The inability to say “you guys feel like getting lunch? I was thinking of getting Mexican.” is a social disability. Seriously, the latter sentence is too difficult to push past your lips?

Requiring everyone to bring a script to every social interaction is crazy. Sometimes people do things one way. Sometimes they do it another way. Being a member of society means being able to handle this.

If you want to get specific about the social disability here, it looks like a form of egomania to me. The non-picky person expects the picky person to infer without being told that the non-picky person doesn’t want to go to “the usual place” on this specific trip, and then graciously bow out in advance of knowing the plan, or buckle down and eat horrid-tasting shit as punishment for not having the glorious food preferences of their non-picky master. 'Cause stooping to mentioning that you want to go someplace different this time is too much of an imposition on the great master, who requires that his desires be known before they’re mentioned and that they be accomodated by all.

This post is on drugs.

giving the picky person the opportunity to opt out in advance

rather than getting all passive-aggressive on them or developing the egomaniacally deranged idea that you have some kind of right to force people to go to a place they don’t want to go and eat food they don’t want to.

Again, this is self-serving bullshit.

Really. It’s rather amazing that you have gone through life without ever agreeing to do what someone else likes when it’s something you don’t like and vice-versa. What a rarified world you live in.

@Lamia

always wanting to get food from the same place that no one else liked. Your coworkers were only refusing food from that one place, which is a lot less picky.

No, she always conceded her preference and went along with someone else’s preference. That’s the opposite of being picky.

I’m not sure why you’re blaming the one woman for no one ever wanting food from this Middle Eastern place – she may have been the most vocal, but if everyone else went along with her then it was because they didn’t like it either.

Then the whole group was being assholish for never once letting her make the choice.