I’m a picky eater. There are many flavors that I just don’t like. There are many textures that I just don’t like. There are several combinations of flavors and textures that I simply do not like (for an example from another sense - while I may like song A and song B and song C played sequentially, if they are played all at the same time, it becomes a bad, headache inducing noise - that sound is how certain foods mixed together tastes to me).
Now, I’m lucky in that I’m not allergic to anything, I have no religious or moral codes against any type of food (or at least none that are going to be an issue in most American restaurants), nor will anything cause me to be physically ill. Because of that I’m willing to try pretty much anything at least once, many things I’ll give several tries at. (I’m looking at you, sushi). While, I’ve been pleasantly surprised a few times, more often than not, I’m pretty good at guessing what I won’t like.
So, what would those of you who are omnivores have me do? Should I simply decline all invitations that have anything to do with food? Go, find something that looks like it might possibly fit my tastes and try it? Just order with abandon and taste what happens?
If I end up not liking the food, would you prefer I continued to eat the nasty tasting stuff anyway?
From my point of view, I don’t want to stop people from getting and eating the foods they obviously enjoy. But, at the same time, I don’t want finish a full plate of unpleasant tasting food and I don’t want to waste food by ordering something that I barely end up touching.
Are you really asking what people want you to do? I find that hard to believe because from your tone and phrasing you’re obviously feeling defensive about your eating habits. I wonder why.
Do you inconvenience people due to your pickiness? Do you prevent people from going out to dinner, cooking normal meals, etc? Do you whine about it? If not, then what’s this thread about? Because honestly, most people probably don’t give a damn what you eat as long as it doesn’t affect their enjoyment of their meals. Personally, I eat just about everything that doesn’t make me ill (some food allergies) or that I don’t have ethical qualms with (I’m a vegetarian). I couldn’t possibly care less what anyone else eats. I do think people who only eat 5 things, like in the thread you linked to, have some issues they need to get over, but that’s NOMB.
If you do disgusting things, like picking the chunks one by one out of chunky peanut butter, then I’d have a problem with it because it might put me off my meal. You don’t do stuff like that, do you?
If someone has invited me over for dinner, I will ask what they’re planning to have. If it includes something I don’t like or can’t have, I’ll say, “I’m sorry, but I really don’t like X” or “I’m sorry, I keep kosher and can’t have Y”.
If someone invites me out to eat, I’ll ask where we’re going. If it’s somewhere where I know there is something I like and can have, then I’m good. Otherwise, I ask to look at the menu before going into a restaurant (most restaurants have posted menus outside, which of course makes it easier). There are some places that I know aren’t going to have anything I’m going to want, such as McDonald’s (their fries contain beef extract, which I can’t have because I keep kosher)- I just decline an invite to one of those places.
As for the sushi- you should get them to invite me along with you to any place that serves sushi, and let me have your sushi, or at least the kinds that don’t use non-kosher fish
I’m not the OP, but I would guess it’s because of people like some of the ones who posted in that thread. They were saying picky eaters “need to grow up”. The rhetoric gets worse, too- someone on this board has said something to the effect of “only infants are bothered by food textures”. And then there are the people who, when we’re eating with them and pass up a certain dish, ask, “why aren’t you eating X?” and make a federal case out of it, when we just want to quietly pass it up. I think it’s incredibly rude to ask a guest a question like that, but unfortunately some people don’t seem to agree. It’s hard not to get defensive when people are saying stuff like that about you and nagging you about your eating habits in front of other people.
I said that but I am limiting this to a cultural phenomenon I’ve observed within 2nd generation Indians growing up here in the US. Several of them go through this phase where everything Indian is ignored or hated due to teasing at school and food is one of the big things they start bratting out about. A lot of kids go through this dumbassed phase where they insist on eating spaghetti when everyone else is eating curry. I’ve seen about 95% percent of kids get over it at some point. My brother-in-law is one of the few holdouts and will not eat 95% of Indian foods.
It becomes extremely irritating when you’re talking about a culture that places a lot of emphasis on family, community and food, and to that extent, he hasn’t grown up, because he’s inconveniencing his family, his wife’s family and pretty much all of his Indian friends (of whom he has many) whenever he’s at a function (and there are a lot of those).
Not to mention the sense of irritation I feel about the fact that he IS Indian. If my sister had married an American, I would be a thousand times more forgiving.
As to the OP: I’d say you have to get used to the fact that people are going to be bugged by you. You can try telling people your preferences but that’s going to rub a lot of people the wrong way as well. I’d probably make someone like that their own food for a party (only because telling someone to bring their own food when I’m hosting goes against all of my cultural indoctrination) but I’d be fucking pissed to have to do it. The longer the list of dislikes and the less remote it is from a genuine allergy or religious issue (for which I have no problems accomodating at all), the more angry I’d get.
You probably can’t get pickier than I am. (It sounds like I’m issuing a challenge, but no.) I am a person who most of the time would just rather not eat anything, and there are a lot of things I don’t particularly like to eat. I can be put off entirely by a plate that’s stacked wrong even if as a general rule I like what’s on it. Example: a Caesar salad that was served piled as high as it could get, and with romaine leaves dangling off the plate. I couldn’t touch it. All I have to do to lose any appetite I may have come up with is imagine an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Yet people still invite me over for meals and out to eat. I don’t make a huge deal of it. Nobody’s particularly interested in my eating habits. I don’t mind leaving food on the plate. I really think I’m much less intrusive than any vegetarian because there isn’t much I will actually turn down* although there isn’t much that I’ll enjoy, either.
It doesn’t look like you’re that picky. You say you’re willing to try things sometimes, which is already a good start. Are you generally able to find things to eat at an average restaurant? If you have to ask for something on the side, or have them “hold” something, that’s not a big deal and nobody should get annoyed with it. Most restaurants are fairly accomodating about small changes, too. If it’s a problem for you to dine out with friends or dates or whatever, because you worry about liking things, you could try suggesting restaurants you’ve already tried and like, to be sure you can enjoy the food.
As for dining in, I’d never be insulted if you tried something I made for you and just plain didn’t like it. I’d probably try to find you an alternative (actually, I would ask you before you came over, so I could make sure to serve you something you’d like). But, if you poke your food and sniff it and make faces at it before even trying it, I might be a little irritated.
I guess it’s a question of how you decline foods, really, and just how limited your “allowed” list is. Some people will always roll their eyes and push you to try things, and you have to learn to ignore them.
I’m a picky eater, and one of the people being told to grow up in the other thread.
Though I’m trying to argue my points, the reality of it is this - there are some things that I will not eat. If you want to eat with me (cook for me, go out to a restaurant with me, whatever), you’re going to have to build a bridge and get the fuck over it. I am polite, and I do everything I can not to inconvenience other people with my food issues. If you’re going to a restaurant I don’t like, I will thank you for the invitation and politely decline. If you’re cooking a meal for me, I’ll do my best to state my preferences before the meal is planed (“I’m a vegetarian,” while not wholly accurate, generally covers my bases.) If you cannot or will not cook a meal to accommodate my needs, I will eat what I can and supplement with something I like when I get home. If I know before hand that you won’t be serving anything I can eat, I’ll politely decline the invitation. If, despite all of my efforts to be reasonable, you are offended by what I will and won’t eat, that’s too bad for you. Your irritation is not worth me eating food that I hate. If that makes me immature, rude, or a bad person, so be it. I can live with being a bitch.
In the other thread, I didn’t quite make the connection that this is a unique cultural phenomenon. That does add an interesting psychological dimension to the issue, though I’m going to stick with my statement of “if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it, and you can’t make him.”
Well, my SIL considers me super picky because I’m a fake vegetarian (that’s a matter for debate, IMHO, but whatever).
I suppose I just try to remember that the food thing is MY issue and not anyone elses. If I’m invited to dinner, I eat the parts of the meal that I can. Yes, once I wound up eating nothing but bar-b-q chips for dinner - that’s because I’m a fuss-ass, not because perfectly nutritious and tasty food was not provided.
I guess I get really tired of picky eaters whining about it. If you don’t want to eat something, don’t eat it, But it’s really not necessary to make a big production about it. It’s YOUR issue - not anyone elses.
I’m a picky eater. I tell people I’ve come for the company first and the food second. This usually soothes ruffled feathers.
I’m an adult and I have a right to decide what to eat. As a child, my parents didn’t indulge me, either at home or when we were out. My mother would explain to hosts/hostesses that if there was something I wanted to eat, I would eat it, and if there wasn’t, that I wouldn’t starve. She was very straightforward about the situation and refused to make a scene about it. Nevertheless, there is still a world full of people who who thought then and think now that it’s their business. If you are being low key about it, they are the ones with the problem.
I was last carded on my 37th birthday. I’m sticking with my eating habits.
I can’t believe that people actually care this much what OTHER people eat. I side with whichever person inflicts his quirks on the other person less. It really depends on your attitude about the whole thing.
I’m a vegetarian, so I can certainly sympathize with people not wanting to be questioned or scrutinized by others for their eating habits. I never tell others what to eat and do not appreciate people telling me what I should eat. That is totally rude, I agree.
However, I am not a stickler about food. My eating choices are strictly for me. If my boyfriend and I order a pizza, he gets sausage on his half and I get spinach on mine. If there is sausage on my side, I take it off and give it to him. Sometimes we cook together and he adds meat, or he just eats my food, or we eat separate meals. No big thing. No guilt. No one goes hungry. We don’t fight about it.
On NYE, I went out to dinner with a vegan, a lactose-intolerant diabetic, and a person with celiac disease. Then there was me and my friend who are veggies and my boyfriend, who thrives on Mac n’ Cheese and Ramen and chicken wings. We had Indian food and everyone was satisfied. Why? None of those people was truly a picky eater. They had meaningful dietary issues that needed to be accommodated if we all wanted to eat together and not get anyone ill, and some preferences, but there was in reality a lot of leeway within everyone’s restrictions, and everyone wanted each other to be happy with dinner, not just themselves. If there had been a truly picky eater amongst us, it wouldn’t have gone down so easily despite everyone’s issues.
I think it’s the gross behavior (picking the peanuts out of the peanut butter? :eek: ), the rudeness, and the inflexibility that I don’t get. Pick the damn tomatoes off the pizza, my god. Don’t expect everyone else’s food choices to revolve around you. Everyone involved should be fair-minded and reasonable; irrationally controlling behavior in whatever area of life is distasteful. Food is no exception.
There’s a difference between not caring for something and announcing to the world you refuse to eat that!
I call myself a picky eater but reading the other thread I’m not sure that I’m picky or just don’t eat a huge variety of food.
I’m not the type of person that snaps my mouth shut and refuse to eat something I don’t like. I know it’s not going to kill me, it’s just not a taste I enjoy so I will eat it. If it’s pizza topping and everyone wants sausage I’ll go along and quietly pick it off if I don’t like it. I don’t make a show or try to call attention to what I eat or don’t eat.
In my defense or as an explanation I had weird food issues as a young kid where I would only eat one thing. I was the kind of kid parents pull their hair out over trying to get them to eat. I survived for a number of years eating just peanut butter on white bread and a couple other things. I think I had undiagnosed OCD and it sort of manifested itself with food and I developed a severe eating disorder. Even now I can make a great show of eating by moving food around on my plate if I don’t care for something.
Some people do tend to enjoy the picky eater drama. My son had a girlfriend/friend who was some sort of mystery vegetarian that I could never quite get a bead on. I couldn’t figure out any sort of rule for what she did or didn’t eat and it was too tiresome to try. What it amounted to was me having to ask her what she felt like eating like she was in a restaurant and me whipping it up for her. I don’t do that for people I like, so I sure wasn’t about to do it for this bratty little girl. I told him to bring her over after she ate.
A) I have a friend who does not eat any vegetables (except for potatoes) or fruit, fish, seafood, beef, or sauces (other than alfredo or bbq).
B) I have another friend who is intolerant of all grains except for rice and corn.
C) I have another friend who is strictly vegan.
They never seem to have any problem going out to eat with me. Even in combinations of two (I haven’t tried all three, that could be a little challenging). Where is it that your friends take you that you can’t find anything edible? :dubious:
Not all picky eaters are whiny about it. I’m really embarassed when I can’t eat food that everyone else is enjoying. I try to deflect attention from the fact that I’m not eating, and I do resent it if someone makes a big deal about it.
Just by coincidence, there are a lot of traditional holiday foods I don’t like. I won’t eat cornbread dressing, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce or green bean casserole, for example. Guess which foods are always on my in-laws’ table at Thanksgiving? That first dinner with them wasn’t fun - watching everyone else pile their plates full, while I ate turkey and a roll. I was polite, apologetic, and ate what I could with a smile on my face. What else was I supposed to do? Once they got to know me, they kindly began including a few side dishes that they know I will eat. (Though I suspect they grumble behind my back: “Have to make some plain green beans for Eleanor!”).
Luckily one of my biggest picky areas is with dessert (I don’t like anything with a pudding or cheesecake texture) and no one makes a fuss if you turn down dessert.
Well, that’s the important part that some people seem to miss. It goes both ways.
Additional anecdote: I was a vegetarian for several years on top of my nonstandard food choices. For the last few years I alloted myself to one episode of carnivory at the holidays, usually Thanksgiving, which I spent with my best friend who happens to hate turkey. So we made it a game to come up with our own version of Thanksgiving. One year it was spinach-ricotta-quiche, another year black bean enchiladas, another year tiropites. The year we went carbohydrate-mad with cranberry bread, oven-roasted potatoes, and homemade biscotti she invited another grad student who thought it was a grand idea. They’ll be celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary this year. It all works, really.
If I invited someone to my home for dinner and they asked me what I was planning to have, I would be … I would not be inviting that person again. That is so incredibly rude. I think all this talk about “grow up” should really be directed to “be courteous.” Didn’t your mom teach you how to be polite when served something you don’t care for? Push it around your plate, eat a little, and don’t call attention to yourself. Maybe that’s the real secret: don’t call attention to yourself. Blend in, damnit.
I was going to offer an opinion, but after reading all of the posts here, it looks like there is absolutely nothing I could suggest that would make your eating dilemmas less vexing. It sounds like some of you are determined to be defiantly unhappy, either with the food you are served, or the the way the situation makes you feel. All I can offer is, you have to choose, between being socially accommodating, or indulging your unique preferences. I think they are mutually exclusive, and will cause no end of cognitive dissonance and unhappiness if you try to pursue them both.
And what, pray tell, is a fake vegetarian? Are those Thankdsgiving centerpieces with cornucopias of plastic veggies in danger from you?
I am a picky eater, a devoted foodie, and a recent “vegaquarian” (pescatarian… whatever. I eat vegetables and fish.) The only time people have been really aware of my eating habits has been when they refused to take “no thank you” as a sufficient reply to “here, try this.” Since my not-eating-meat is a relatively new development, mostof my friends and family aren’t used to it and they forget. It makes me self-conscious when they say, “Oh, no, I made a pork roast! I forgot you don’t eat meat!” I always say “don’t worry about it, there’s plenty here I can eat!” – even if that means I eat a plate of green beans. I’m 42 years old for heaven’s sake, I haven’t lived this long without being able to feed myself adequately, and politely.
Like the OP, I am willing to try new things, but I prefer to do so without an audience. My unexpected reaction to cilantro made me very nervous about subjecting other people to my eating experiments.
Someone else said it already and I think it needs repeating:
No one really cares what you eat or don’t eat. We only care if you start to encroach on our enjoyment of food or if you don’t know how to politely decline something without appearing childish or immature. Really.
If you scrunch your nose, stick out your tongue, say “yuck!” or push away at a dish presented to you, then you deserve to be treated like a child because you are acting like one. If, on the other hand, you’re a mature adult, you would know to adopt any of the following:
push the offensive food off to a side of your plate
ask if the dish can be prepared without the offending ingredient
advise your host (or waiter) of your preferences in advance
politely decline a dish (without need for an excuse even)
and on…
Alot of the posters here are mature about their pickiness, unlike the OP’s girlfriend in the other thread, so there’s probably not going to be alot of dissent.
We all have issues with food… I don’t like onions at all. Too much spice in my food makes me feel too hot and uncomfortable. But I don’t make a huge deal about it. I just avoid those foods.
Someone mentioned in the other thread that there are degrees of pickiness. Seems like. But there are also at least one more type of “picky eater” that was introduced: the fake picky eater who simply just doesn’t want to try anything new or different (as in the case of anu-la1979’s family member). IMHO, he’s just immature and has a weird rebellion against his identity/culture.
I eat fish and seafood. So, I’m not a vegetarian because neither of those items are vegetables. However, rather than going into a long, drawn out explanation of not eating chicken, turkey, pork, duck, beef, tripe, lamb, etc. I just say that I’m a vegetarian if asked.
Sorry for the double post, but this came up while I was posting. I don’t think it’s at ALL impossible to eat only what you like AND be socially accommodating. As I said, I am a picky eater, but I’ve never gone hungry and again, the only time my food choices have been embarrassing is when someone tried to force something on me and wouldn’t take “no thank you” as an answer. If you’re going to quiz me about the whys and wherefores, you’ve made my food issues your social issues.
So it goes both ways. If someone refuses something, let it rest.
