What does that have to do with any of this?
Exactly! You’re finally getting it.
You do have an Ego. But it isn’t a constant YOU. Every little complex in your head can manifest itself in that ego and act, and you don’t know it, you don’t recognize it, because it’s still you.
“the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.”
The Ego isn’t a separate thing to be perceived or managed as Other. It +is+ the conscious, subjective perception of YOU-ness. Trying to fight it is trying to create part of your own mind, your active mind, as Other. Likewise controlling your ego isn’t about battling some Other, it is about controlling the conscious and subconscious parts of your mind that make demands on you to act in a certain way, see things in a certain way, demand things such as recognition and respect from others.
Controlling your ego is an exercise in self-mastery.
As for self-delusion, congratulations, you’re Human. If there’s anything we Humans have absolutely mastered over the last few hundred thousand years of conscious evolution, it is self-deception. The stunning and often counterproductive ability to tell ourselves that things that are true and real are not, and vice versa. Dealing with this isn’t a battle against some demon, unless you see yourself as the demon, it is a matter of reason and logic. Of Humility and setting aside our insistence on being right, on not being wrong (ie, controlling our ego’s desires).
“Because of the fear of missing out on something big and the fear that what I know to be true is not.”
The Meaning of Life is not found in the great things, the big things. Constantly striving for those can destroy your life just as surely as addiction to drugs. Many a man (or woman) has suffered because they reached the mountain top of achievement, then spent their entire lives trying to recreate it or live off that fading glory. We discussed that in this forum not long ago. The guy who was the star jock in high school then was just some schmoe who couldn’t shut up about it for the next 60 years being the stereotypical example.
No, the meaning of life is found in the small things. The joy of the sunset, of hanging out with friends or loved ones, of cuddling with a pet. A good glass of wine. A beautiful picture that makes you smile. A joke. All these small things, piled one upon another, are what makes your life, and what makes your life worth living. A life devoid of these things will be empty and hollow, even if you win the Nobel Prize or are the first person to set foot on Mars.
And as far as that whole “the things I know to be true, aren’t”? In some ways that will always be true. We always grow and learn, at least as long as we are willing to do so. That is that self-mastery, and the humility of accepting that you don’t really know anything at all. The Universe is huge. Incomprehensibly large. And just as that word says, we cannot comprehend everything.
But also, like I tell people, I went to Berean Baptist Church as a child. The Bereans were praised in the bible because they didn’t just listen to preachers and believe everything they were told. Instead, they went home and looked in their scriptures and their books to see if it was true. So too in your life, don’t believe everything you’re told. Especially not by people in YouTube videos. You have the entire sum of Human Knowledge at your finger tips now, something no other generation of Humans before you had. Do the research, consider the sources, use your intelligence, your logic and your reason. Always err on the side of goodness and compassion.
Then don’t invest any of your ego, your self-image, in that knowledge, those beliefs. Don’t make your identity provisional on being right all of the time. Accept that you may be wrong, and be open to new information, with a critical eye on that information, it’s limitations and the source, as people are ALWAYS going to lie to you and attempt to deceive you into believing what they want you to believe.
Then stop worrying about missing something and go out and meet the world.
Because you miss 100% of the shots you never take.
Hmm, now there’s a thought.
You behave as if this youtube kook is some sort of genuine messiah of whatever truth or meaning of life you think is being hidden from you.
If my mind/ego deceives me - and I do not accept that it does in any significantly harmful way - then on what basis do you decide that his ego/mind does not in fact deceive him and thus mislead credulous followers like you?
On what basis have you decided that this random internet clown deserve the benefit of the doubt? What are his credentials? What legitimate research has he published?
You think a bullshitter with the gift of gab and an inability to succinctly express his brilliant (ha!) ideas is onto something? Do you really believe you’ve found the font of truth and meaning in hours and hours of circular meanderings? COME THE FUCK ON…
Stop obsessing over this bullshit,** MF**. There’s no there there. Your time would be much better spent going outside for a walk in the fresh air. Your mind and body will thank you.
We can play “what if” all day but eventually an idea needs to be checked against the observable world. If it does not agree with observation then the idea is likely to be a waste of time and energy to consider further.