Get a note from your doctor(s), go see your guidance counselor, and drop the classes you are failing.
I did this exact same thing one semester in college. I had squamous cells on my cervix, two subsequent cryosurgeries, was taking way too many units at once and things started to fall apart. Your counselor is there to help you succeed. If you give them a tool with which to bail you out when you need help, they will mosty likely use it.
Go and get medical treatment and find succour with family or friends. You are making all kinds of excuses - you need help. The world/bookstore/college doesn’t hate you - it is quite indifferent - help yourself. Go and be well, even if that means you have to burn a bridge or two.
My wife has suffered from depression her whole life. When she was an undergrad she had a breakdown and wound up taking a year off from school while she got herself back together. She went on to finish her undergraduate degree, get a doctorate, and is now a college professor. The depression is still there, but she keeps it under control with therapy and medication.
Taking time to get yourself healthy is not a step backward, it’s a step forward. Just be upfront with your professors about what’s going on and why you’re struggling. Universities are very stressful places and the faculty and staff are usually fairly understanding about students who have trouble handling the strain. That’s why they have counseling centers in the first place!
I guess the truth is you can’t continue to quit everytime things get hard. Depression or no, you have to survive. Dropping those classes you’re going to fail anyway and working on your problems is your goal. And if you have something that’s working, even if it isn’t working as well as you’d like don’t discontinue it! The drug companies have programs for patients that can’t afford the drugs for a reason. Avail yourself of this. Doctors will often help with samples until you find which drug works best. Avail yourself of this. And yes - if the bookstore owes you money, if friends owe you money, get it back. You need it more than them, and you’re not a charity. nothing would irk me more than to see someone to whom I’ve loaned money buy pizza or cigarettes when I couldn’t afford electricity. Do you have a roomate? If not, think about that. Splitting rent would help. What income do you have? It doesn’t sound like you’re working. Even 5-10 hours a week would stock your shelves.
You’re making a start. I’d suggest a list of all your immediate goals:
Therapy - Check
Drugs - In progress
Money - Go to bookstore, contact friends
Food in the house - You can live on ramen for a week or two, but you have to have a plan for the future.
Electricity - Once you have your money in hand, call the electric coompany and try to work out an arrangement. Every time you have to reconnect something you have to pay a fee you can’t afford.
Contact your family if you need to. Let them know what you’re doing that’s positive, and exactly what kind of help you need and for how long. Ask if it’s possible for them to help. Christmas is coming - ask if they can give you cash instead of presents. I know for example that my mother has lost a good bit in the stock market recently. But I also know that for her, $1000 isn’t that much money, while for me it’s a lot. I don’t take money from my mother (that’s my sister’s job), but if I was in need, I know she’d much rather I come to her than let circumstances spiral out of control.
Make a plan. Write it out. That way you can see the progress you’re making.
Good luck - the first journey begins with a single step. Trite but true.
StG
Here’s my plan of action.
[ul]
[li] See my therapist at school once or twice weekly until I can be referred to a permenant therapist. Ask parents for help paying with this therapy until I’m back on my feet financially.[/li][li] See my psychiatrist, try a different medication.[/li][li] Get an appointment with an academic advisor to deal with my classes this semester, will I actually get kicked out of school, how to go about filing an appeal if that happens, etc. See if s/he can help me work something out with my professors, possibly taking an incomplete and turning the work in by the end of next semester. Discuss taking a semester or two off. Ask about internships (there’s another history museum in my city that I’ve already contacted about doing an internship). If I take next semester off, then spend the next semester doing an internship (AIUI, I can discuss how many hours I’m willing to devote per week to this internship, so it can be only a few hours per week) that should be enough time to make some progress on my mental health.[/li][li] Go back to work- I’m currently on the payroll of the family business, but told my mother what with being sick and then trying to make up my work, I wouldn’t be coming in for a while. But I need the money. I’ll look for a more permenant solution, like a job with benefits, in the meantime. (With the business struggling, work is sporadic- a few months ago everyone’s AC crapped out at once, then it slowed down. But soon everyone will be turning on the heat to find out that their furnace died, so it’ll pick up again for a bit.)[/li][li] Possibly speak to my friend in Social Services about food stamps, Medicaid, etc. until I’m doing better.[/li][/ul]
So that’s that. I’m willing to revise that based on discussions with my psychologist/psychiatrist/academic advisor. But I’m going to try my best to finish this semester, whether that means making everything up in the next 6 weeks or taking an incomplete and working on it over the next few months.
I forgot to add- my immediate money problems (rent and electricity) may well be solved. I’m at work right now because my internet is on the fritz, and taking a smoke break back in the warehouse I see a veritable goldmine of scrap metal. Do you have any idea what scrapyards are paying for copper right now? Nearly $3 a pound, and there’s probably 50 pounds or more out there, plus some old condensing units that need to be cut up. Plus my parents’ old grill and a washer and dryer, I have no idea what they’re doing out there or if they’ve got any copper or aluminum in them, but I’ll ask.
My parents’ thoughts on the scrap metal is if you snooze you lose. If I’m willing to spend a few hours with some power tools cutting the aluminum and copper out of old ACs, then the money’s mine. If, however, I let it sit too long, then my dad does it and he gets the money. I could have kicked myself last time, they made $600 off half a day’s work. So if they’ll let me take the scrap metal, it’ll probably take care of rent and electric.
Sounds like you have a decent plan now.
But…You’re dirt poor and you smoke?
Cut the cigs, if you can. They’re a huge drain on money. At least cut them out until you get enough money to be able to handle a bad month of work without having to worry about getting evicted.