My life sucks and I have nobody to blame but myself

Not sure if this is Pit or IMHO. Think it’s Pit though.

So somehow I was under the impression that I had 2 weeks left of school after Thanksgiving break. I could’ve sworn talking to multiple people about this. I also was told – by multiple people – that I could withdraw out of classes any time I wanted. There was just the problem that there’s a hold on my record due to a bureaucratic error, so I couldn’t drop the class until I went to the registrar. So I planned to withdraw from one class and do all of my work in the last two weeks (that’s how I work, last 2 or 3 weeks I do a blitz). Oh, guess what? I have one week of school left and 3 papers to do, 1 which I haven’t started and is already overdue. The class I was going to drop? Yeah, turns out I can’t drop it; for the first time, I will flunk (graduate level course), no question in my mind. I’m probably also going to flunk another class that I didn’t read enough for and I might flunk another class I didn’t take proper notes for. Started skipping classes a month ago because I was depressed…

Oh, and I eat when I get depressed, which means I’m obese (yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before…). And my clothes are all wrinkly. And my room’s a mess. And everywhere I go it seems like something has to go wrong.

Now why did I let myself get like this? Honestly, I’ve had no social life for the past two or three years. Undergrad, I was asked not to come to hang out where all my friends studied because their dean was a douchebag. Grad school, everybody’s married, in a hurry. Hoped to get a club going, whole club happened to fall apart this year.

Bottom line: I was lazy and confused and somehow fucked myself over. My parents are going to slaughter me. They have no idea…Now what? Might not seem like a Doper question, but at this point, I don’t know who to talk to, who to ask…and this is the place where we ask questions…

Well, you know what’s wrong, so try and fix what you can I guess. Also, will this flunked class matter 10 years from now? Probably not, so try not to stress too much about it. Sure your parents will be upset for a little while, but it’s not the end of the world, and you probably learned a lesson from all of this.

I know it sounds dumb, but maybe clean your room and iron some of your clothes. It might make you feel a bit better and kick you in to gear.

At some institutions, the magic words you might be looking for are “academic concession”

Your university probably has a counselling department. Look them up on the web. Now. I’ll wait.
dum de dum…

Make an appointment to see a counsellor. Now. Explain your depression. Explain your problems with the class. Take responsibility, but ask them what can be done. They have seen this before, and will see it again - they should be able to help you navigate the procedures you can take so that you are not totally screwed.

They may even be able to help you get on the right path again.

Good luck.

counselling department has a fucking waiting list…

Well then you can’t really be expected to wait for stuff you want, now can you? What is this, Communist Russia?

School ends in a week, recall. Then it’s Xmas break, all counselors go home. I don’t have a chance.

Can you talk to your prof?

That’s your depression talking. I know. I live it every day. You *have *to take the first step, even if it seems pointless, if for no other reason than that it gets you on the record as seeking help.

It may that you are well and truly fucked, but it is possible that something can be salvaged from this situation. Nothing will happen if you don’t give it a shot.

They always have a wait list. They often can make times for emergencies though. It’s worth a try.

Or an academic advisor. Or a professor. Or a department head. The bottom line is, tell someone your story. Throw yourself on their mercy if you have to.

But you should not have to just suck it up yourself - see what options may still be available.

Ask them to refer you to a sliding scale counselor. Lutheran Family Services and/or Catholic Services often provide this. If there’s a waiting list at the sliding scale place, ask them for recommendations of individual counselors who take patients on a sliding scale basis.

ETA: I have totally dug myself out of a pretty deep hole over the course of the last several years. The first step is seeking help and solutions. My progress really accelerated once I was put on the correct medication and was able to find a good therapist. I know life seems like a crap fest right now. I assure you it is possible to move past this.

It’s good that you have nobody to blame except yourself. It saves you the time-wasting exercise of fixing blame, and lets you apply your energies to fixing what’s wrong.

Wow. Sounds like a tough situation that you’re in. Try to start taking any of the steps you can in effort to improve things, like others have already suggested in this thread so far, and things will improve.
I know how difficult that can be when you’re depressed. But you can do this, just start out by doing what you can. No matter how hopeless things seem at the moment, and you’ll be amazed how much brighter your situation will get. You can talk to your professors, explain your situation. Maybe they’ll be understanding and give you some extra time to finish some of this stuff up.

Are there other options than the counseling center? I failed my comps this year due to an anxiety disorder I didn’t know I had. Whoops! My university’s counseling center is staffed by professionals, but we also have a Psychology Clinic that has psych grad students that will counsel you under their advisors’ supervision, and it’s free. Also, are you on depression medications? If you are, or are interested in getting on them (and I know some people like to avoid drugs if possible, but you may want to check with a doctor anyway), your doctor may be able to help you deal with disability services. Mental health issues are a disability, and you may be able to get extra consideration through them. And, finally, talk to professors, your advisor, the department chair, or whoever might help. I hate doing it myself, and I really hate getting to tell everyone that I am crazy, but everyone’s been super-supportive and I’ve even gotten my comps re-take date pushed back because I’m still working on dealing with my anxiety.

Grad students are well-known for being nuts. My doctor and my counselor both have told me that they wish they could tell people to quit grad school because they see so many people who are sick from the stress. I also have depression, so I know how hard it is for you to do anything about it, stupid disease. If there’s any step, no matter how small, that you do feel you can take, then do it. It’ll make the next step easier, because at least you’re doing something. Can you talk to the professor?

Dude, I have two 20 page papers to write in the next two days. And another 60 pages to write next week. and I’m not actually even in panic mode yet…if I focus and work steady, I can get it done.

Write to your professors immediately, explain yourself, and ask if there is any flexibility on the deadlines. They want you to succeed. They will work with you if you can.

Then, tomorrow morning, get in touch with your school. They’ve seen this before. They have a system for it. They will work something out. Again, they want you to succeed, and are set up to deal with unusual circumstances.

It sounds like your parents are likely financing your grad school. I know this sounds strange, but maybe you should ask them not to. Ask them if they could, instead, help you out in the future if paying off your student loans gets to be a problem. If it is your own money that is going into this, you might be able to be a bit more focused.

Go clean your room. Its easy and then you’ll have one problem fixed.

Maybe I’m totally off-base, but have you thought about taking a break from grad school for a while? I mean, right now you sound totally overwhelmed and that’s without adding in the depression and anxiety. I’ve suffered from those in the past and they can make everything feel hellish even when things are going well.

Easier said than done, but if you could find a way to support yourself w/o the stress of grad school, you could work on your mental condition, your weight, maybe find a friend or two, etc etc, and then you could return to grad school ready to deal with all its bullshit.

Are you looking for sympathy, advice, or both? Sympathy, you certainly have from me. Been there, done that, and yeah, it totally sucks. I felt like I was in the bottom of a pit that I had unwittingly spent a lot of energy digging, and so had no more energy to dig myself back out again.

On to the advice (skip the rest of this post if you’re only looking for sympathy):

First, go take a shower. Seriously. It will take 20 minutes and you’ll feel a lot better. Go get a haircut, while you’re at it. Another hour of time and it will make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. Do some laundry, and hang the clothes when they’re still a little damp so you don’t have to iron wrinkles out.

Next, go look in your college catalog and see what it says about Incompletes. Not the same as a Withdrawal, it gives you more time (generally up to one semester) to finish the course requirements and then it will be changed to the grade your work earns. If you can’t get the work done, the grade will turn to an F, but since that’s what you’re looking at anyhow, it’s worth it to give yourself some more time. Incompletes are usually given for medical emergencies, births or deaths in the family, disruption due to a move or job change, etc. Depression is a medical condition, and therefore usually qualifies as a genuine reason for an Incomplete. You’ll have to talk to your teachers to get them to sign the forms with you.

Other than the grad school part and the obese part, you are me 8-10 years ago. No great advice to give other than to say:

[li]All things are fleeting[/li][li]No one else is nearly as emotionally involved in any of this as you are. I remember being so worried about disappointing my parents, disappointing my profs, my friends, etc etc. No one took it personally. The dread of facing them was infinitely worse then talking with them and saying, “hey, I have to quit,” or, “I’m going to flunk.” They all to a man/woman said, “that’s too bad, I understand, can I help, and I hope to see you back.” Even my family, though there was an initial degree of thinly masked disappointment.[/li][li]Plans change. Find a way to live and be happy and actively involved in your own life, and don’t worry if you don’t end up completing every path you dreamed you’d finish.[/li][/ul]

Your campus surely has a student health center, and it most likely has counselors (not academic ones) that could help.

Your school situation sucks right now, no two ways about it. I definitely think talking to your professors or department head or graduate advisor or whoever you can find is a good idea – don’t make excuses (they’ve heard them all), but say that you’re having a hard time and made some mistakes but want to find a way to come out of this as best you can.

But one way or another, the current school situation will be over in a couple of weeks. The bigger problem is your life situation: you’re depressed and your life sucks. No matter what you do school or job-wise, that has to change.

Here are the two things I’d do ASAP:

  1. Go see a doctor about the depression. Don’t argue, just do it. If he puts you on something and you don’t like how it feels after a month or so, go back and have him try something else.

  2. Exercise. Not for the weight, but because when you’re depressed and/or have low self-esteem, exercise is the best thing you can do. It gives you something to control and feel good about, and at some point when you’re way stronger and fitter than you are now, it’ll be both a source of pride and regular endorphins.