The semester from Hell.

The BBQ Pit
1

In each of the last two semesters I have made the Dean’s List at my university. I consider myself to be an above average student. I participate every chance I get, I try to turn in good quality work, and with few exceptions (having a child makes it tough sometimes) I attend all my classes. I thought I was in good shape.

Well, this semester I am looking academic probation right in the face. I’m sitting on a 65 in Public Policy Analysis. My professor has never been precise about what he wants, leaving it up to the students to figure it out. The first test I omitted an important point, and I took a hit on that. I accept that. For the next three assignments I have attempted to ascertain what was required for each by speaking to the professor. The results were astonishingly bad, even for the one he seemed to be pleased with. Remarkably, my efforts differ little from those who are doing adequately in the class. I don’t believe that he has it in for me, not at all. He’s a good guy, super intelligent. But I am obviously missing something, and I have no idea what it could be.

Next, Political Economy. The first test I took I choked, big time. He gave the class a retest, and I feel contented with my performance, yet I am still sitting on a C. Totally unacceptable from my point of view, yet I did it to myself, so who do I have to blame?

Intro to Music: there is a distinct possibility that I will fail this class. Why, you ask? I was dealing with a cash-flow problem (namely, we had none) and I was forced to skip last Thursday. According to the schedule we had a test last Thursday. Now, I don’t remember hearing anything about a test, we were going to do Beethoven’s 5th Symphony, but if I’m wrong there goes 33% of my grade, which when combined with my other tests will max me at a D if I ace it out. Dammit.

Research Methods: Here I feel solid. I aught to get a B in this.

Last, Microeconomics. I feel solid, yet when I took the first test I got a mere 70, well above the class average but nevertheless humbling. When I looked at the test I found three questions that I had graphed properly, yet clearly chose the wrong answer. What went wrong? God only knows, and right now he ain’t talking.

So, what does this mean? It means that I am screwing the pooch end to end, and I have no earthly idea why. What is different from one semester to the next? I have more responsibility towards Aaron now that Robin has a job, but what else? Is it that I have more time, and I’ve grown so accustomed to pressure that I can’t live without it? I dunno. But I will say this: if I have to do another semester I will go stark raving apeshit. I want it over. I never want to set foot on a college campus again. I never want to be subjected to the subjective whims of a teacher ever again. I can handle bosses. They, at least, appreciate the value of hard work instead of stabbing you in the heart over the most arcane minutiae that everybody knows you will never use again except as a Trivial Pursuit answer.

So I’m off to study for my Music test, the one that I may have missed. I’ve never felt like I needed to study before, but the way this semester’s been going, I think I need to put in two or three solid hours just to get a 60. Dammit. School eats it.

2

You had me with you all the way until you hit the part at the bottom about never having to study before.

I can’t decide if I’m jealous or a bit dumbfounded that it took you this long to realize that studying would maybe be a good idea.

I’m going with both.

3

That’s not to say that I didn’t study before, but the difference until now was an 85% to a 95%. I could have BSed my way through, but I put in some time and it paid off. Not this semester.

4

OK. And this is where I say what should have gone in my first post: I’m sorry you’re having a bad time of it, and I hope things improve. Will you at least have the summer off from schoolwork? That could go a long way towards recharging your batteries. (I get the impression that you will not be graduating this semester.)

5

Nope, I couldn’t be that lucky. I have to take at least one, and maybe as many as three, classes to get the hell out of there in December. Of course, if I don’t get the required C in Public Policy Analysis it’s all for naught anyway since they only offer it in the spring. If that happens it will both make my life easier in that I can spread stuff out a bit and make my life a living hell by wasting 5 more months of it.

6

Well, as a part-time student myself, I can see your problem: You are burnt out and it is sapping your drive. And that doesn’t surprise me–I mean jeezus, five classes and a kid at home to watch?! When you start forgetting things, overlooking tests, etc., it’s an indicator that you’ve revved the mental engine too high for too long. I was there myself at the end of last school year.
I think you need to find a way to take the summer off. If that means you need to stay in school an extra semester, so what? Peace of mind is way under-valued. Trying to compress too much into so little time is counterproductive. Take time off, refresh, regroup, and come back at it.

7

It might be worth five more months to make all of it less of a living hell. Just saying.

And I can understand how five months can seem like a looong time, especially when you have a little kid who grows an enormous amount in only a few months, but it isn’t really so long. I say this knowing nothing about your situation, I admit. It’s just that some people feel the need to rush everything, and it’s a bit sad to spend your life always feeling in a hurry. It doesn’t allow much opportunity to enjoy it.

Upon refreshing my memory: clearly, I misinterpreted with that last paragraph. Disregard. Sorry.

8

Can you drop the music class?
With the exception of that, to me, it doesn’t look like you are in that bad a shape.

9

Buck up. I’m taking 14 credits right now, have 5 kids, and run a business with 10 people underneath me. I’m not quite to the busy season, that’ll be in another two weeks. Then I will be well and truly fucked. I’m getting 4 A’s and one B at present.

The only way to get it done, is to just do it. Yeah, it sucks. It’s going to suck whether you get a C or an A. Might as well get an A.

5 months. You’ve done shittier things for 5 months than this. Piece of cake.

10

No, and I can get that in the summer, so while that might be a bad thing it’s not the end of the world. The one that worries me is the one that I need a C in and is only offered once a year.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention my two jobs on top of that. I’m not quite as busy as you, though.

Thanks, I needed that.

11

Therein lies the issue. Same thing happened to me twice. Everything went well until the last little bit. Then I just wanted out so badly I couldn’t do a God Damn thing. Every page read, evey number added, every drop titrated my mind could only concentrate on getting the hell out. And my GPA went down like the the Luftwaffe on the History channel.

12

Ah yes, the super-acheiver. What’s the matter, pussy?! Get yer ass another job AND start volunteering! If you can’t match my 17-hour days followed by 19-hour nights of constant labor with a 15-minute nap once a week, having nutrients injected into my veins because I’m too busy to eat, mutha, you sucka!!!111one

Just teasing. Mostly. :smiley:

No offense, but I’m just a tad suspicious of your actual schedule there. Even if we assume that you’ve got your classes all set in the very earliest morning (8:00-11:00, which is optimistic to say the least), you’ve got somebody doing a lot of work on your behalf. Unless said kids are at least half grown and can get their own food. Toss in up to 3 hours fo study a day, 8-hour workday, and you wouldn’t be getting home (or at least, wouldn’t stop doing stuff) until, say, 10:30 or 11:00. Optimistically. Which leaves just enough time to collapse into bed, exhausted. This kind of treatment can kill a man.

13

Online classes through the U of M system. My 2 credit course just got done, thank God I am down to 4.

Kids are 13-4. Good husband who is staying home full time now. I didn’t even mention coaching or kids activities.
Ok, Today

6:30, woke up, browsed dope for 20 mins. Kids off to school

7:30- left house for appt with homeowner at 9:00. At least 10 phone calls enroute.

10:00 Appt with apartment downtown, bid for replacing 300 windows.

lunch, phone, drive time

12:00 Appt with homeowner and roofer to try to find cause of roof leak. Problem solved.

1:00 Met with home owner to bid steel roof.

2:00 Stopped at Office Max for supplies, told my favorite admin applicant she was hired.

3:00 Home, check 15 emails, browse Dope quick.

4:00 Kid to eye doctor, husband taking another kid to First Reconciliation meeting at 5

5:00 Dinner, clean up house, start working on 3 bids.

6:30 kid to soccer practice.

Rest of night, bids, construct a web page for class if I have time, bed by 10-11 at the latest. A little Dope surfing as well.
Tomorrow is easier, only one homeowner meeting, 1 kid vball.

I’ll catch up on homework tomorrow, finish the other bids, do AP/AR, book keeping, order marketing material.

It may kill a man, good thing I am a woman.

And I’m not even busy yet. Once the construction season is upon us, I stop running on all the bidding, let the field reps do that, and then I just put out fires all day long, help with adjustments, inspections. School will be over beginning of May.

Ok, later, kid appointment.

ETA- all these things are good things, there are plenty of guys in the construction trades that are going bankrupt, changing fields. I like my job, I am my own boss, and I am very fortunate to have this life, and make good money.

14

Heh. You have just described the last few months of my MBA. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it, it was just that given a choice between working on my project and nailing my little toe to the wall at head height, I’d have to pause for thought and give myself a little motivational speech about how much my boss would make me regret failing a course he was paying for…

15

Airman Doors, though life may suck right now…don’t worry. It gets worse. :wink:

More usefully: school was never a biggie, until one semester I just got way overconfident, and bit off way more than I could chew. I’m not gonna discuss what that did to my GPA.

Can you talk to the Dean and arrange to take a little longer to graduate, maybe swap a couple crappy grades for incompletes? Not forever, just until you have more time to devote to them.

>possibly useless advice-giver chiming in<

16

Airman Doors

I’d be happy to help with the music class via some virtual tutoring if you like - especially theory, composition or arranging q’s. I’m pretty good with Music History too, although there are some dopers that are probably more up on that than I am (GorillaMan in particular comes to mind.)

17

No it doesn’t. I’m 32. I’ve been poor, homeless, unemployed, indebted, I’ve been everything but a criminal at some point in my life, and if given the choice between that and school right now I’m thinking that being homeless wasn’t so bad.

I absolutely appreciate the thought. Thanks for the offer. But I’ll be OK. The test is this Thursday, so I’m not in the dire straits I thought I might be in. I found some partners for my Policy Analysis final project. Things are starting to come together, I hope. It’s amazing how much different things look 18 hours later. And 18 hours from now I’ll probably be looking for a building to jump off of.

I think I’ll survive. Maybe. Probably. I don’t know. We’ll see.

18

How old is Aaron now? Old enough to be affected by your emotional state?

My mom was a returning college student when I was in middle school. There was a long stretch during which she was a basket case every single day. I kept house. My dad ran errands. I had a glass of wine ready and dinner prepped when she came home. None of that mattered. The only thing that registered with her was her own stress. Once she came home right when I was unloading the dishwasher, and dumped her dirty coffee mug into it. She literally could not see that I was putting clean dishes away, and was not aware of the warm humid air around the dishwasher. “That was clean.” “What was clean? What are you talking about? Just…just get out of the way.”

Do you have a long commute? One of the things that stressed her out was the long commute. In retrospect, I think it would have been better for her to have taken a room near the campus. At any rate, she never finished her degree, so none of this was worth it. Is it worth it to you? And will it be worth it to Aaron?

19

Totally seconded. A decade from now that extra year will matter not at all, but the damage you could do to yourself and your family very well might.

I speak from experience. I did the fulltime work part time studying thing too when going for my masters. I’m no wimp, but from what you’ve posted, I didn’t have half the burden you did (no kids, for example), and it damn near killed me. Here’s the thing. Looking back on it, I realized I was exhausted, but I didn’t feel exhausted at the time. At least not as exhausted as I really was. I just felt frustrated and disorganized and stupid. The funny thing about fatigue is that quite often you don’t recognize it for what it is when you’re going through it.

You may not actually *feel * fatigued, but step back and read the clues. Missing exams? Screwing up answers after graphing them properly? Three hours of studying for a 60? There’s no mystery to what you’re missing: You. Need. Rest. Period. End of discussion. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I hadn’t gone through the same thing, and the semester I took off was one of the better decisions I made that decade, second only to marrying my wife.

It’s up to you, but this is the way I look at it. There’s no point in wrecking yourself just to meet some artificial deadline. Don’t try to ice skate uphill.

20

Almost a day, and this was weighing on my mind…

Airman Doors, what I said was so little, it really was useless. Forgive me; I snark when I don’t need to.

Please, as a practical matter, speak with your profs first, then maybe the Dean. Some of these folks remember being human, and actually would rather you do well. This is not adversarial. Explain that this time around, things got to be a bit much, and is there a way to work this out? Like as not, you’ll have to take a couple lumps, but, y’know, life and all…

I actually know this; my Dad is a college prof. He (and his friends) have told many stories about handling situations not unlike yours.

Hope that helps. And listen to Lizard and** Linty Fresh** above. :slight_smile: