This is a rant directed, I guess, at my own personal motivation. It sucks.
I go to college, and have classes with people who have gotten straight A’s their whole life. I am lucky if I get a single A in any given semester. Now many of these people deserve their superior performance; they work their tail off and get the benefits.
But then there are some who must be mnemonic, or have photographic memories. They don’t study at all; some of them only show up during the exams and still manage to easily get an A in the class. As for me, it takes a ton of time, effort, and motivation (all of which are generally lacking in me) to match them.
The fact is that I just don’t have the motivation to study dilligently. Sure, I do study, but I can’t stand to spend hours and hours doing it. Studying is like kryptonite to me. And even when I suffer through it, study, see tutors, do research, the end result is rarely any improvement at all. So I’m busting my ass for mediocricy.
The lack of motivation, combined with frustration about grades has created a general apathy for me. I don’t want to worry about grades anymore because all that does is stress me out. The harder I work at it the more of a basketcase I become. Really the only thing I’m concerned about is passing classes and graduating, anything else hasn’t demonstrated to be worth my time.
And yet, if I could, I’d be that person that spends hours and hours studying and gets the A. The problem is that I cannot usually commit myself to that much work, and even when I do, I still don’t get good grades.