I am now -one and 1/2 hours to failing college. Class started at 5PM. It is now 6:30. I have spent the last 15 hours trying to write a simple 500 word essay on a simple topic: What do you read, and why do you read it? Well, I don’t know how accurate that actually is, considering I didn’t get started on the stupid essay until roughly 3AM this morning. I managed to get a rough outline down by 5AM, and a workable thesis by 6. at 7AM, I took a nap, until around 12:30 this afternoon. That was a mistake - I should’ve gotten some caffiene and kept working until I had something more than the introduction down. I’ve been working on this essay, in my own disfunctional way, since around 1PM. Around 15 minutes ago, I realized that even if I did, by some miracle, finish the essay by the time class let out, there was no garentee that the teacher would accept it late, and I would’ve missed most of the discussion of the next essay. After indulging in a bit of hysterics, I sit down to compose this post, further putting off working on the essay.
Fuck, dude! If I can’t do a simple essay about two of my favorite things (books and myself), how the fuck will I ever manage to survive in the real world? I didn’t pass a single class the last two semesters (unless half-credit, one-day computer classes count); this is my last chance to redeem myself, and I’ve blown it. What am I going to do without college-level english (or math, for that matter) skills? There’s only a certain amount of retail work even I can take, and how am I supposed to support myself on $8/hr, anyways? I just don’t know what to do, about this or anything else. It’s all so fucking pointless. If it weren’t for the momma, I wouldn’t even have anywhere to live! Whatever, this is getting into less of a rant and more into self-indulgent moping, which I’ve done quite enouth of already, thanks. I’ll just go back and try the essay some more for a while, until it’s really really too late and I don’t have to take any risks.
“Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.”–Caddyshack
Hate to sound harsh, but if you’ve been failing the last couple of semesters and you still start an essay at 3am the night before it’s due you’re probably going to get what you deserve.
On the bright side, it sounds like you’ve finally figured out where your priorities are. If you flunk out, maybe a couple of years in retail hell will motivate you to come back as an adult student and really apply yourself.
Well, bedtime for me is usually 5 or 6AM, so it’s not like 3AM is all that late for me. And I’ve spent a couple years in retail hell. I would still be in retail hell if I hadn’t been fired from my last place, and between that and the fact that I made $8/hr at my last couple jobs, I doubt I’m real high up on anyone’s hire list even if I wanted to spend a few more years in retail hell.
Oh, so I suppose my self-congratulatory gloat that I’ve just got home from finishing my final exam for the semester, and that I did really well in all my other subjects too wouldn’t be appreciated in this thread then?
Nonsense. There’s kowtowing to your superiors, parrotting the party line, and, most importantly, slavishly adhering to rigid and unreasonable deadlines.
Wait a second. That sounds an awful lot like retail hell, doesn’t it?
Fow what it’s worth, in most jobs those are the two things your co-workers will care least about, so not being able to write an essay about them won’t be a problem.
Just drop out of college and join the military. If nothing else, you’ll learn what you DON’T want to do.
Seriously, it’s a better option than most people realize. If you play it smart, when you get out you’ll still be young, have travelled and matured a bit, have some money saved up (and probably a few college scholarships) and have a great resume-filler item. You’ll be beyter off in almost every way than you are now.
Lizard, I took the ASFAB test (I think it’s a military-based career aptitude test) in high school, and I don’t think I did extraordinarily well in any of the categories (though the Navy’s been sending me love letters ever since, so who knows). Besides, don’t you have to be, like, physically fit and all that stuff to go military? I have scoliosis and high arched-feet, just to start out with, and the rest of me isn’t exactly in wonderful condition, either. Besides, even if I were able to join, I’m a peacenik and really wouldn’t want to.
dropzone, my co-workers (and bosses) may not care about me or what I read, but I think they would like it if I could write without choking up. Following deadlines is another biggie, I hear.
If it helps, I’m having second thoughts about how I’ll do in the real world too. Only my version goes more like “who the hell is going to hire me if I can write great essays but have no practical skills?” My solution is to do a year of Honours, thereby delaying my entry into the real world.
And kambucka, how did you find Cybersociety? Is Michael Arnold still teaching it? I think I have a class with him next semester.
I would lose the last paragraph (about fan-fiction) and start in on how this all relates to your life. You really don’t elaborate on the value of escapism as it pertains to what you have experienced in your childhood and adolescence. And I don’t have a good sense of what you are “looking for” in the characters and how they represent/mirror/enhance the development of your own relationships, personal growth, etc.
Get personal. You’ve got the ‘what’, now you need to delve a little deeper to get the ‘why’. Use anecdotes, personal experiences that explain why you’ve felt the need to escape from reality; more detail about the relationships that were affected by the literature you were reading at the time. (Though I do like how you show your growth as a reader, your maturity – just expand on this.)
Anyway, good luck. I’m a bit sleepy but I hope this helps a little.
Please do not take offense at any of the following. It is my clumbsy attempt at assisting you.
[ul][li]The comma in “day, when” seems superfluous.[/li][li]Given the tone of the essay, I wouldn’t use any semicolons.[/li][li]I would replace “somewhat normal” with “otherwise normal”.[/ul][/li]
[ul][li]I think you should underline your book titles.[/li][li]I would change “they were pushed aside” to “I pushed them aside”[/li][li]The “(like me)” is confusing. It is unclear whether you really mean “like me”, or whether you mean “as I do”. The former means that she prefers books to people like you, while the latter means that she prefers books to people just as you do.[/li][li]Too many parentheticals in a very short span of text make the sentence about Katie difficult to read.[/ul][/li]
[ul][li]You misspelled “characters”.[/li][li]I don’t think “wants” is a good word to use here as a noun because the essay is already weak. Although you might be using poetical license deliberately, it might seem as though you don’t know the grammar.[/li][li]I’m unclear about the whole “friendship” versus “something stronger” thing, but that might just be me. I’m not sure whether you’re talking about your being represented by a character, your relationship with that character, or something else — perhaps your relationships with other people.[/li][li]Once more, underline book titles.[/li][li]What is “Sorry”? If it is an alias for Sorensen Carlisle, a parenthetical — (aka, “Sorry”) — might help.[/li][li]The final sentence seems incomplete.[/ul][/li]
[ul][li]“Characters” is again misspelled. (It wouldn’t hurt to spell-check your work. It’s not a fix-all, but it would have fixed that.)[/li][li]“Other’s takes” should be “others’ takes”.[/li][li]I would change “This web-published fiction” to “Web-published fiction”.[/li][li]You misspelled “conceivable”.[/li][li]I would change “drudge” to “glurge”. (A drudge is a person.)[/li][li]You misspelled “original”.[/li][li]I would remove the quotes around “Cassandra Claire’s.” If you have some reason to use them, it is unclear to me.[/li][li]Again, underline book titles.[/li][li]Again, kill the semicolons.[/li][li]I would change “soap operatic” to “like a soap opera”. If you insist on keeping the phrase for poetic license, I would make it a hyphenated word.[/li][li]I would replace the hyphen after “it isn’t” (even though I think you meant to use a dash) with a comma.[/li][li]I would make “humor abounds” a sentence or delete it. It seems like a non sequitur to me.[/ul][/li]
Conclusion - blah-blah-I like to visit different worlds, traveling metaphor. Don’t get meta, though.[ul][li]I have no idea what you’re trying to say here.[/ul][/li]
Good luck, dear.
Yeah, it’s very much not finished, not proof-read, etc. I ran out of steam at “humor abounds”, and didn’t get around to finishing the para. on Changeover. The book titles are underlined in the origanal Word document, but I didn’t HTML them for the LJ 'cause I’m lazy. The last paragraph is part of the original outline/notes to myself.
Anyways, I should sleep now. Or pick up my room so it can be shown. One or the other.
Forgive me, teleute12, but do you have issues with college, or with school?
I ask because you seem intelligent, and you obviously are capable of writing coherently. A five-hundred word essay should be simplicity itself to most dopers–those of us who post often, anyway. Your OP was nearly four hundred, and it didn’t take you hours and hours to do that. I’m thinking that your failing so much, and not being able to write this essay, might have a lot to do with some unwillingness either to go to college, or to graduate.
I myself flaked out completely in my last semester–life after graduation just seemed like a big empty hole, I had no idea how I would survive or what would become of me. I had to finish the next year. Another friend of mine took nearly fifteen years to get his degree–he’d sign up for classes and then drop them when it became clear he couldn’t pass. He couldn’t write a paper or an essay to save his life–not because he wasn’t smart, or couldn’t write, but because he’d decided somehow, somewhere inside him, that he couldn’t do it. For what it’s worth, he didn’t end up in retail hell, he worked in the university’s library.
At any rate, I’m suggesting that there’s something about going to college (or maybe leaving college) that frightens or upsets you. Maybe you already know what it is. Does the school have a counseling service you could take advantage of?
In any event, the degree isn’t always the most important thing about college. Some jobs do require writing, but no one’s going to assign you 500 word essays on random topics, and a degree won’t guarantee you a non-retail hell job. The important thing about college is being exposed to the ideas and the people there, and frankly if you come to the conclusion that you don’t need that, there would be nothing wrong with you.
To come at this from a different perspective, I hope you realize college/university isn’t the only type of education available to get good jobs. Not everyone is cut out for the four-year write essays till your fingers hurt routine, nor is everyone interested in that route. I have five years of secondary education, three diplomas, and only one year of university - it wasn’t for me, I dropped out, and took a two-year diploma course in Medical Laboratory Technology (which, by the way, could have led to a very nice, well-paying career).
Maybe college isn’t for you. Maybe you should look into technical schools where the learning is much more practical and focused specifically on the diploma/certificate you are working towards.
A word of advice about these types of schools, though - the courses are shorter but they are more intense - it sounds like you might need a smidge more personal discipline before you go that route. Which is no criticism - take the time you need so you can complete the courses you choose and not waste your money.
