Is finding an adult young enough to be your child attractive disgusting?

Because I’ve been told that it is. Basically 40-something year old men going goo goo over 20-something year old women is deplorable.

I find this idea to be ridiculous.

To be clear, I’m not talking about men who constantly chase after younger women. Because that’s an entirely different conversation.

Having eyes, no. Same as it’s not disgusting to think that someone was damn hot back when they were, which may have been before you were even born. I refuse to consider that finding Patrick Swayze, back when he was alive, a grown up, etc. attractive should count as necrophilia.

I also find the idea ridiculous, and illogical in a biological sense. I also think it’s very common, probably nearly universal, for older men to find young women attractive. Now, pursuing a sex act or sexual relationship is more commonly looked down upon as disgusting or perverted as a societal norm (by women, at least), but that has nothing to do with core attraction.

No, nothing wrong with it at all. Period. Perhaps there is something about how an older man may behave around an attractive young woman, especially if he forgets what he looks like to her, but that’s just being foolish, it’s nothing deplorable. And I don’t believe for a moment that older women aren’t just as attracted to youth also.

Anyway, is this some comment from your wife after you sucked in your gut when a comely young woman happened by?

Neither being attracted nor pursuing sexual/romantic relationship is disgusting.

FWIW, there are also women who are attracted to younger men, which is entirely unobjectionable (to me, at least) as well.

My girl friend was born a year after my oldest son. She is 54, my son is 55.

I’m 48 so a 30 year old could be old enough to be my offspring. of course I find 30 year olds attractive. Not that any would give me a second glance nor would I attempt anything.

Sigh… Sort of. I was hesitant to put this in my OP, because I’m not interested in advice on how to deal with my relationship.

Basically, what started this whole tiff was my GF and I were having coffee at a Starbucks. We were sitting on the patio. Some girl pulls up, steps out of her car with her boobs practically falling out of her shirt.

I instinctively turned my head for a second* and when I turned my head back towards my GF, she’s giving me the stink eye. Which is weird because she is NOT a jealous person. So I was caught a little off guard.

Anyway, that’s what started this whole “debate”.
*It felt like a second to me, she claims I was leering.

I once got in trouble for purposely not looking at a pretty woman. One of the reasons I’m glad she is my ex-wife.

**Is finding an adult young enough to be your child attractive disgusting?

**No. I’m 47. Let’s say that someone young enough to be my child is anyone 18 years younger than me. (…scribbles numbers on paper…) That’s 29 years old. How old is, say, Jennifer Lawrence? I think she’s around there somewhere, maybe even younger. A world in which it is disgusting for me to find Jennifer Lawrence attractive is a world that scares me.

Wait’ll you’re my age, and they are young enough to be your grand daughter.


I think many men in their late twenties and early thirties are incredibly attractive. I am old enough to be their mother. Nothing wrong with being attracted to a person who is young and beautiful. I’m middle-aged, not dead.

If, however, someone is actively pursuing romantic partners significantly younger than themselves, then there has to be some question of what motivates that. Is there is an aspect of preying on a young and naïve person with the goal of exploiting their lack of experience?

If we’re assuming a twenty year age difference, I think that gets less significant as both parties get older. 40 year old and 20 year old - skeevy. 60 year old and 40 year old - no big deal.

Oh, good lord! My response to that scenario would have been to turn to Suburban Plankton and say, “OMG! Did you see her? Her boobs were practically falling out of her shirt!” It sounds like she’s uptight and insecure. Unless you were actually leering, which is kind of skeevy.

As for the general question of finding someone young enough to be your child attractive…finding someone attractive is just fine. I mean, I find a lot of people attractive: younger, older, men, women. Doesn’t mean I want to sleep with them or lust after them. Attractive people are just that…attractive.

I don’t find it off-putting at all. I’m 55 and work at a university library. There are plenty of college-age girls / women that I find very attractive. Don’t have the energy to act on it at this point, though…

Sheesh, girlfriends, right? Sometimes you have to ask yourself, is all the sex I’m getting from my girlfriend worth it? (Guys with girlfriends, you know what I’m talking about!)

When I first met my husband, I was 42 and he was 22 (same birthday). That was almost 29 years ago. Over the years, I can’t think of one time the age difference caused a real problem. On the other hand, I think the relationship has had an added dimension because of it.

Finding them aesthetically attractive? Of course not. People can be aesthetically attractive at any age, including childhood. But I don’t think that’s what you meant.

Finding them sexually attractive? No. We evolved to find people most sexually attractive at the age when they’re most fertile and healthy. That means that men instinctively find women in their late teens and twenties sexually attractive. (Although it may also be true that women evolved to find it threatening, and hence “disgusting,” when their mates are attracted to younger women.)

“Going goo goo” over a younger woman (or man) may be disgusting (or unseemly, or shallow), depending on what that entails. Especially if you do so while you’re with your partner.

As others have implied, it all depends on your age. If you are 25 or 30 then ick. At my age the teachers and parents who swarm around the school across from me seem like jail bait. But some are definitely attractive.

nm: double post

I agree, it’s ridiculous. I’m guessing most of the people who voice this opinion are 40-something women?