I have the habit of busing my own table (i.e., stacking dishes, organizing cups, placing them to one side of the table) after a meal in a restaurant.
It drives my wife crazy.
She insists that not only is it improper, it is rude - improper because we are paying for the server to do this and rude because it is demonstrating to the server that he or she cannot do their job fast enough.
Admittedly, at nicer restaurants, the server is usually quicker and rarely gives me a chance to bus my own table, but if it’s a college kid trying to make a buck who gives a hustle, the sucker in me will stack cups and still give a 20% tip.
Does anyone else feel this way?
She grew up on the east coast and I grew up in the deep south, for context.
I worked in a restaurant for 2 years, and I wouldn’t consider it rude. I’d find it helpful. Certainly not required, but a nice thought to those who clean up after you’re gone.
If I bussed tables I doubt I’d take pride in my work. I wouldn’t think “How insulting! They must not think I can bus their tables properly!” I’d probably just be thankful for an easy table.
I bussed tables for 2 years. I wouldn’t find it rude, but I might find it annoying - I generally had a system for stacking things on my tray that let me be as efficient as possible, and your pre-stacking probably violates my system. I doubt many other busboys feel that way though.
I don’t know if it’s rude to the busboy, but I know people who are constantly stacking dishes while sitting with a group of people and it’s definitely annoying to everyone else at the table.
That’s very true - OP, are you stacking just your own stuff, or other people’s too? Cause if we were at dinner together and you tried to take my plate, I’d probably stab you in the hand with a fork.
As a former busboy and waiter, I wouldn’t find it rude or anything. I can tell if someone’s going to be a dick as soon as I greet them usually, and pretty much everything a dick does is meant to show displeasure, irritation, etc.
People who are trying to be helpful but aren’t, can really do no wrong.
As a customer, I’d rather the server didn’t have to lean in front of me to clear something on my other side, so I’ll move things to the side where the server stands.
If you stack things up though, it’s nice if you’re not a lazy pig about it. Stuffing all your garbage into the drinking glasses is just more work. If you stack the plates, it’d be nice if you put all the silverware and napkins and such on top, so there’s less likelyhood of a plate sliding off when I grab the pile. Squishing your gum onto the plate isn’t very helpful. Stick it under the table like everyone else does.
*Side rant: Don’t leave your kid’s dirty diaper for me. What the fuck are you thinking???
When I get bored after a meal, I stack plates at my table, sorting by size and such. I’ve never gotten the slightest impression I was annoying the busboy by doing so.
I am one (as a former wait-person who bussed my own tables AND a customer who seeks to be considerate) who doesn’t stack anything for this very reason. At most, I consolidate stuff in an area and tidy up the table a bit (replacing condiments, etc).
Not only do people tend to have their own system for removing dishes, if you STACK used dishes, the bottoms of the ones on top get all gunky with the food/sauces from the ones under them, and the person bussing has to get their hands all gunky when they pick them up if the stack can’t be removed easily in one fell swoop. I’ve seen people build a damn leaning tower of Pisa with the dirty dishes on their table…HOW, exactly, is that supposed to HELP the person tasked with clearing it up? EWWW!
Now, if I’m at a place without table service, I always take my own dishes and stuff to the trash or bins, if available, leaving the staff only the task of wiping the table down. About the only time I’d walk away leaving a table full of dishes or trash is if the place was one fire OR there were no accessable disposal options.
I’m from Texas, currently in the PNW, if it matters.
I’d say it all depends on the setting. Family eating lunch at the diner? Great! You’re setting a good example for the kids. At a dinner party with other couples including the boss at a serious restaurant? I’d wonder if you’d taken leave.
Are you looking for permission to keep driving your wife crazy? Or do you think that she will suddenly find your behavior acceptable if you present her with evidence from an internet message board that says it’s okay for you to keep doing it? Or do you need a better reason for stopping besides the fact that it drives your wife crazy?
Seriously, this is not worth arguing about. Just stop doing it.
But there are restaurants, that I have worked in where, if a manager saw customers sitting in front of stacked plates, they would assume I had been slack in getting to the clearing. So I can sort of see where your wife is coming from. As a rule, the nicer the restaurant the more you should try to resist this urge, in my opinion.
I’d say it all depends on the setting. Family eating lunch at the diner? Great! You’re setting a good example for the kids. At a dinner party with other couples including the boss at a serious restaurant? I’d wonder if you’d taken leave.