This would get you fired from any restaurant I ever worked in.
I don’t really care what someone does with his or her own plates. What annoys me is when OCDer extends this “service” to other people’s plates or to the serving dishes. “Who told you we were done? Leave them where they are!”
I see no problem with gathering and stacking the appetizer plates to make room when the entrees come, but do it when you actually see the waiter approaching with the entrees, damn it. Otherwise, leave people alone to pick at the remains if they want.
FTR, I would never stack any plate that had remains on it. That gets messy.
Also, I believe appetizer plates (with remains) should remain on the table even after main dishes arrive, unless everyone agrees they’re done with them.
maybe therein is the reason your are unemployed…
just sayin’
And that right there is part of the reason why people do this. People in my family eat at very different rates. This method means that my SO would have to sit with an array of dirty dishes in front of him for twenty minutes while I finish eating. He doesn’t like that, it makes him very uncomfortable, ergo he stacks his dishes to the side of the table.
I think it’s bizarre that some people are apparently perfectly happy to sit in front of a table full of dirty dishes for half an hour, and expect everyone else to do the same regardless of how they feel. shrug Obviously, mileages vary. But it doesn’t make your way RIGHT and other people WRONG.
I’m totally with you here. People in my family ask first before moving dishes, whether at home or in a restaurant.
I’ve been known to growl and hiss at waitstaff who tried to scoop my plate before I was done, in their rush to turn over the table. Family, I’d just use my fork. 
I can’t stand it (relatively speaking) when bussers remove plates before everyone is done at the table. I think it’s awkward to be the last person with a plate in front of them, feeling rushed perhaps.
Funny, eh? 
Your wife sounds crazy. I do this because I used to be a busboy. It helps, really. The less time they spend at your table, the faster they can get it ready for another customer. The easiest thing is if they simply have to spray and wipe without taking any dishes away.
Here’s my issue: I want to get everything I want, food- and service-wise, but I also want to make things easy on the staff as long as it doesn’t affect me getting what I want. I actually will get my own refills if it’s OK with the server, if that will keep her out of the weeds. But if there is anything I can do to keep the busser from banging the dishes into the tray, please let me know what it is. Any time I am sitting in a restaurant and the party behind me vacates, and the busser comes over and immediately starts slamming the crockery into a plastic tub with as much force as possible, I am going to complain. It hurts my ears, it hurts my head. YogSosoth, I understand “The less time they spend at your table,” but damnit, don’t make so much fucking noise. Do you have any suggestions for me, other than telling them to just “stop making so much fucking noise?”
Sorry, nothing realistic. Though I’m leaning towards “Order extra bread and use that to cushion the plates so they don’t make as much noise” 
Another one would be to leave some food on the plates so they don’t take it, then right before you go ask for the check, pay, then finish that last few bites so they can slam the plates after you leave
I’m not talking about my own table. I’m talking about the tables around me. They clear the table with extreme prejudice. Not only does it really make a lot of noise, which aggravates me (and certainly others), it has to be hard on the dishes. Are they just exercising their rage?
I have always helped clean off an area in front of me. After a good meal you need someplace to put your feet.
You know what really chaps my ass? Assholes who don’t want to wait for a table to be cleaned (and usually came in AFTER people that are waiting to be seated), and jump line and sit at a dirty table, stack the dishes, and then give the waitstaff the hairy eyeball because they’re not coming over fast enough to clean up the table.
Some thoughtful responses, thank you. For the record, I had only stacked plates immediately prior to leaving - literally the last thing before getting up - in order to cut the staff some slack and demonstrate that not everyone who dines out is a dick.
I think my m.o. from now on will be to simply push the plate a few inches in front of me and leave it there. Leaving a larger tip is probably a more thoughtful - and appreciated - gesture than doing some trivial amount of work that server or busboy expects to do anyways.
In my wife’s defense, the phrase “drives my wife crazy” may seem excessively hyperbolic. On the scale of annoyances, this ranked a little below mosquito bite or following a driver not using turn signals. At most it elicits an eye roll. To the best of my knowledge, she does not mention it in her list of usual grievances to her girlfriends over coffee.
I disagree. Stuck up bitches are that way because nobody in their life ever stood up to them to teach them not to be stuck up bitches. If it’s someone you care about, you owe it to them to teach them not to be this way. It’s not a good thing for someone to go through life with everyone they meet being || this close to punching them in the face. Eventually one person will slip. And that means that someone you love will be hurt.
That said, I don’t think the wife was being a bitch. People have their pet peeves. I personally think people need to at least be trying to get over their pet peeves, but that’s a personal thing.
The only real reason to stack plates is to give yourself some room. Even if you aren’t putting your arms on table, you don’t to accidentally get your sleeve in a plate.
The one I was raised with says you’re not supposed to put your elbows on the table while eating, but it’s fine and even expected (as leaning forward shows interest on what other people are saying) during the after-meal chitchat. And when the dishes are at the very edge of the table, then putting your arms on the very edge of the table requires the dishes to be pushed away.
I wait tables. I very much appreciate it when you stack dishes, provided you don’t stack like a moron by just piling everything up with no attention to what may make the stack unstable (i.e. silverware, lemon wedges, ramekins). Whether helpful or not, I always thank tables who stack plates. It’s part gratitude and part cynical ploy to raise my tip.
But, for the love of god, whatever you do, don’t keep handing me dishes when it’s obvious I can’t hold any more. I will come back for you, I’m sorry everyone else’s plates got taken away and now you’re the only one left, but you’re just going to have to wait a minute. It won’t kill you.
I waited tables for a decade and I stacked plates for a while because I thought I was helping out the server, but then I did it on a date and was admonished by my partner.
She’s right. It is rude to your dining partners, not necessary, and should be avoided.
Did you happen to grow up with less money than your wife? I ask because my wife also grew up relatively poor (at least compared to my family). While she has plenty of experience dining in fancy New York restaurants, I’ve noticed she tends to be more prone to “tidy up” than I am. Her parents, even more so.
Ironically, they can’t seem to manage to tidy up their own actual homes.
I don’t think so. It’s more about “respecting the process”. Like I don’t go to a full service gas station and tell the attendant “that’s ok, I’ll pump it myself” (it’s actually illegal for me to do so in NJ anyway). Or bag my own groceries. These people get paid to do those things, and from experience doing every day, they probably have a system for doing as efficiently as possible.
I think maybe if someone isn’t used to dining out in a restaurant, having people waiting on them might make them uncomfortable, causing them to stack plates and whatnot. I wouldn’t go as far to say that the husband is an “inconsiderate clod”. But his behavior is a bit outside the norm for restaurant eating.
Which is my point. I don’t know what you would consider a “moron’s stack” or what your max carrying capacity is. So I think it’s best to just make sure all the plates and silverware are accessible and try to stay out of your way so you can do your job however you normally do it.
Zombies don’t bother stacking dishes.