[QUOTE=Edward The Head]
I happen to agree with you. While my 2 year old has not bitten or hit anyone other kids at the daycare have. My wife and I have talked about this a number of times, and we were talking about it last night. She’s horrified every time I would say something like that. What I don’t think she understands is I’m not suggesting that you bite to hurt or break the skin, but more to show that it hurts. More of a WTF for the child. Nor do I think it’s something one would do more then a handful of times. So far my daughter has not responded to timeouts, she thinks they’re funny, I don’t know what I would do if she picked up any really bad traits.
I’m not even sure if I would really do it, but I can see a point to it.
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That’s it - it creates a situation of WTF, and gets the attention of a toddler. And getting the attention of the toddler is almost impossible, let alone communicate a complicated idea like remorse and/or the fact that kid’s actions have consequences.
For anyone who would think the some serious chomping going on, the point is not to wound the kid - just to startle them. No bite marks or anything like that. And, I would think it would have to be done right away, before it becomes “an issue”. That way, the shock has the most impact.
In addition, I think this would only work for people who never spank their kid. 99% of the effectiveness comes from the fact that - “Ouch!” If you’re swatting your kids all the time, “Ouch” is no longer an effective tool. With our kids, hand slaps and such were saved only for the most dire circumstances - sticking your finger in the light socket, touching the stive, and biting.
When I was 2, I threw a block hard at my dad’s forehead. He threw the block lightly back at my forehead. Donk. I started to cry. He said, “that hurts, doesn’t it?”
I learned my lesson and I think my dad acted appropriately, but there’s a difference between a light toss of a building block and things like biting or being beaten by sticks.
You can bite, but don’t chew.
Seriously, I’ve never tried it but I know people that have and it’s usually a spur of the moment frustration thing because the haven’t been able to stop the kid from biting by other means. And it does seem to be the attention getting factor of the action that gets the kids attention. But again, it would be a bad idea to teach other kids to bite back or to bite the child hard enough to leave marks or to do it in public because other people may not realize that your little Hannibal Lechter has not responded to other means of discipline and call CPS on you.
Eh. I probably wouldn’t do it myself, but it’s not on my list of Shittiest Things You Can Do As A Parent. Whenever I’ve heard of parents doing this, they’ve never bitten the kid hard enough to leave a lasting mark, just hard enough to let them know that being bitten hurts.
Sateryn76 describes my mom’s method exactly–mom’s goal is to startle the toddler with an obviously-not-very-hard retaliation in kind, so that the toddler figures out that what he’s doing is hurtful.
This works best when they’re still young enough that they’re working stuff out–I wouldn’t recommend it on a kid old enough to have figured out that biting hurts very badly and are using it for that reason.
[QUOTE=chacoguy420]
God help you if one of these tykes shows up at school or daycare with adult sized bite marks on them. “What happened?” “Daddy bit me…”. Whatever your own opinion is about this, there’s nothing quite like bite marks to get a politically correct mob to bust out their torches and pitchforks.
[/QUOTE]
I’m not sure it’s political correctness to worry about a child with visible adult bitemarks. Even the people who are OK with it here say don’t bite hard or long enough to make a mark, so if there are marks on them it may be a sign of real issues. It’s “politically correct” to be concerned about possible child abuse??
Add me to the short - but growing - list of parents who use the Bite Back Rule. Same situation; do it immediately, don’t do it very hard, and have a talk about why it’s not a good idea to bite people. My daughter, now almost 12, only bit me once, and the method worked. Oldest son, 7, same deal. Youngest (Bubster, for those of you in the know), 3, is a total maniac and we had to do it three times. Never had any problems since.
As for the original question, “Is it okay to bite children?” I think it depends largely on the kid’s disposition, as well as what the parent feels comfortable with. The same goes for spanking, yelling, or bribing. You know, YMMV and all that. For us, it worked really well. Some of you are obviously horrified at the mere thought of biting back. I think as long as you find your own way to deal with bad behaviour, that isn’t harming in any sort of long term way, the kid(s) will turn out fine.
First of all, I don’t have children of my own, but I’ve been largely responsible for raising my sister’s children. I can sort of see the logic in biting a child, but I don’t agree with the method. A swat accompanied by a firm voice and maybe a timeout, I could see, but biting is just…kind of animalistic, IMHO. And delaying the punishment by trying to talk the victim into retaliation?
No, no, no.
The response needs to be quick, almost automatic, so that the kid makes the connection that biting = something unpleasant. The response does not need to be a bite. It shouldn’t be revenge. It shouldn’t be out of anger. It should simply be the logical consequences of her behavior.
I know that with dogs/cats, something that can help is to force your fingers partly down their throat, so that they associate biting with unpleasantness…is that at all an option here?
I think I’d probably go with the Cesar Millan, pinch as bite technique that he uses to get a dog’s attention/let it know you mean business.
Ugh. No, please. MiniWhatsit bit me once. I said, “NO!” in a sharp, stern voice, and immediately put her down, out of my arms. She never did it again. That’s really swell, I guess, for those of you that found biting your children (!) to be an effective technique, but there are other techniques that are effective and don’t involve BITING YOUR KIDS. I would bite my child if I wanted my child to learn that biting is an appropriate way to express displeasure. Which I do not.
[QUOTE=gigi]
I’m not sure it’s political correctness to worry about a child with visible adult bitemarks. Even the people who are OK with it here say don’t bite hard or long enough to make a mark, so if there are marks on them it may be a sign of real issues. It’s “politically correct” to be concerned about possible child abuse??
[/QUOTE]
Just for the record, I’ve never bitten anyone; nor have I left marks on my kids. I’m just saying that biting a child exposes you to a huge downside that is all out of proportion of the expediency of the lesson. A simple “No!” was enough to get my daughter to stop biting. Maybe I just got lucky
Sorry if I overreacted, but I worked in a shelter where staff saw a little girl with a pronounced adult bite mark across her back, after the mom had been reported in the past, and ACS/CPS/whatever they were calling themselves that year said they would act if it happened a third time. :rolleyes: It didn’t seem unreasonable to act the first or second time instead.
[QUOTE=gigi]
Sorry if I overreacted, but I worked in a shelter where staff saw a little girl with a pronounced adult bite mark across her back, after the mom had been reported in the past, and ACS/CPS/whatever they were calling themselves that year said they would act if it happened a third time. :rolleyes: It didn’t seem unreasonable to act the first or second time instead.
[/QUOTE]
GAAAH! YIKES! :eek: That’s scary.
Throw Mom to the torchlit mob!
When I was around 4 or 5, I got bit by the neighbor kid mom was babysitting. He did it pit bull style following me as I tried to get away. So I smacked him in the face, with the toy I had been playing with. He was always biting others as well. I think that was the first time anyone directly defended themselves, I don’t remember him biting anymore after that. Mom made it so I couldn’t sit down for an hour or so also. She didn’t see it so…
[QUOTE=Dead Cat]
I could hardly be described as a child-raising expert, but I fail to see how this instils any impression on the child other than it is sometimes OK to bite another person.
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Really? You think it instills this rather than if I bite and hurt someone, maybe they’ll bite me back and it’ll hurt me? Toddlers do learn about pain through retaliation - for example if he pulls kitty’s tail, Kitty will swat him and that hurts! so maybe he thinks before giving into the impulse again. Or when she pushes Joey down, he’ll push her down too. Biting your kid isn’t a great idea, but letting them get bitten back (not encouraging the other child to bite, but instead not discouraging them) teaches them about consequences.
So our daughter (2 and a half) bites her nephew (a few months older) in circumstances that weren’t observed, only the aftermath. My ex texted me to let me know what had happened and when I phoned to see what was up, she advised me that were I to be on the receiving end of the bite, to bite back. She added that she’d tried to get her nephew to bite our daughter back, but he was too shaken to do so.
It seems a strange logic to me but nonetheless something I’ve heard from other people over the years. Do any Dopers bite their kids?
[/QUOTE]
It’s strange logic for anyone who isn’t some sort of bridge troll, giant, evil witch or other mythological character known for grinding up children’s bones to make their bread with. Who in their right mind thinks it’s ok to discipline children by biting them?
I’m not sure I can put into words precisely why, but IMHO it’s perfectly ok to swat a kid on the butt for a bite, but the bite back just isn’t done.
I think it’s because the swat is much more effective philosophically: the idea is to immediately get the child’s attention in an unpleasant way, so that she’ll have your attention for a little verbal tonguelashing, with the end result that the behavior is quashed.
Why wouldn’t this same chain of logic work if you bit her back? I’m not sure, but I just don’t think the connection is made as clearly in a 2.5 year old mind.
Personally I would question it’s effectiveness, but if you are determined to try it, make sure not to break the skin. Human bites are dangerous and very prone to infection.
Also, below a certain age, children are incapable of understanding consequences in the same way as older children and won’t associate retribution with their own action.