Is it possible I'm a better driver when alone in a car?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been in two collisions in my life–once at age 16, which was 23 years ago, and once a couple years ago which was ruled to be completely the fault of the other guy.

The two adult people who have the most experience with me in the drivers seat, both say I am a really terrible driver. They say they constantly feel unsafe. One said I don’t seem to have any awareness of anything going on around me.

But, like I said, I don’t cause collisions. And furthermore, my own experience of myself as a driver is that I’m pretty aware. Ask me at any moment what’s happening around me and I can tell you where all the nearby cars and pedestrians are (like, which lanes are clear, how far behind me is the guy behind me, etc).

Today a car did a sudden lane change in front of me from a nearly stopped position, changing into my lane. So I slowed down rapidly–but not rapidly enough for my passenger, who said I nearly ran into the car. There’s a sense in which her statement is correct–my car ended in close proximity to that car–but I didn’t stop much faster than I did because there was a car behind me that I didn’t want to cause to rear end me, so I was keeping both what was happening in front and behind in mind, I also knew I could swerve to the next lane if necessary because there was no traffic in it going either way, I also knew there was a car on the other side of me so I couldn’t go to that lane, I also was maintaining empty space between my car and the one swerving in front of me. Sure, my car came close to that car (she says within a foot, I think it was not that close but… who knows…) but I was in control, aware of the situation, responding accordingly according to many variables.

My explanation of all this was of course not taken as constructive…

Anyway, I do have to admit it’s a pattern, or at least suggestive of one, when two people who generally like me both say I’m a particular unsafe feeling driver.

So maybe I’m a terrible driver and don’t know it, just like other terrible drivers. Except… I do fine on every objective measure. No collisions, basically. I don’t know what other objective measures there would be.

I have a theory, though, that I drive better by myself. Because when I’ve got people in the car I’m interacting with, perhaps this breaks my concentration or adds cognitive load that interferes with driving. Especially if I’m worrying, as I usually am, about what they think of my driving!

Another theory–that I’m like, not as aware of things as they are concerning things that may happen some seconds out, but plenty aware of the things happening more instantly around me? Such that, I get myself into trouble without even realizing it, but am able to work through that due to my close-by awareness? Something like that? Is this a thing?

Anyway. TLDR: I think I drive just fine and there is some empirical evidence to support this but there is also empirical evidence to support a view that I don’t act like a good driver, at least with people in the car. What gives?

2

I think if you’re such a poor driver that other people point it out, you’re a terrible driver. The fact is, even when you do risky things all the time, it can take years for those risks to “accumulate” and you actually get into an “accident”. (risks don’t accumulate since dice have no memory, but you can get lucky for long streaks even when doing something dangerous)

So your lack of crashes doesn’t prove anything to me.

I think you should either get remedial training or see if you can get where you need to be without using a car. If you’re doing so poorly that others notice, you probably are a danger to everyone else on the road.

3

Some people are uncomfortable riding with drivers whose style is different from their own, and feel compelled to mention it. That’s the kind version.

Here’s the unkind version: I have a relative who is constantly gasping, stabbing at an imaginary brake pedal, nagging, and complaining because I drive less conservatively than she does. I haven’t been in an accident in decades, and she does her share of asinine things when driving – which she would bitch about if I were doing them – but I haven’t pointed them out to her. I finally told her I wouldn’t put up with it anymore, and the last time she rode with me she managed to control herself.

So it may not be that you’re a poor driver, but that these people are poor passengers.

4

This is very possibly the case.
You are a reflex driver, not a predictive driver.

Inherently, this style of driving is only very slightly less safe than predictive driving, but to another predictive driver that is your passenger, the experience is terrifying.

They expect you to see that truck parked next to the road when it is 200 yards away, and already slowly drift away from it, in case there is a person behind the truck just waiting to jump out in front of you.
You see the truck, acknowledge that it obstructs vision behind it, but only react if a real threat emerges, not the imagined one. So obviously you do not move to avoid that which is not yet confirmed to exist.
The predictive driver sees this as “hotdogging”. To them, driving like that would have been just that. To you, it is a perfectly valid way to drive, as long as you stay alert.

5

The predictive driver sound like what they tell motorcyclist to do in some training courses.

6

Defensive driver is another name for it.

7

This sounds exactly right.

Is “predictive vs reflexive” an established terminology? Is there somewhere I can read about the statistical difference in safety? And about how to learn to be more of a predictive driver?

8

Is it possible you are just a “jerky” driver? My son is, and I find that a little hard to deal with when he is behind the wheel, but ultimately everything he does turns out fine. He’s only 19 so the fact he hasn’t had an accident doesn’t prove anything - but he did drive two hours a day to get to his job this past summer, so he was on the road a lot.

I tend to slow gradually starting as soon as I notice a reason to do so, whereas he is more likely to wait a little and then slow more abruptly. Does that make him a bad driver? I don’t think so, exactly. His driver’s ed instructor complained that he drove in a jerky fashion, but didn’t seem to think it was a safety issue so much as an annoyance for the passenger.

.

9

The perspective of an alert driver is quite different from that of a captive passenger!

Is it possible that, because of your good reflexes, good awareness and good judgement, you drive faster or more “aggressively” than your critical passengers would be comfortable with?

10

This is what I think is happening, but I also think it’s very possible, maybe even likely, I’m fooling myself.

This morning I have begun trying to practice a safer feeling style of driving, a little slower, keeping a greater distance between me and all objects, looking farther out on the road to anticipate things.

To me it feels… dangerous, actually, trying to be so explicitly conscious of everything. But that may just be the learning process as I re-habituate myself.

11

I’m a better driver without Mrs. J. in the car as a distraction.

Not a good driver mind you, but better.

12

I always drive alone since I find that having someone in the passenger seat is a huge distraction. Basically I talk too much* and pay more attention to what they are saying or what I want to say.
*Seriously your ears would be on the floor

13

You seem to be emphasizing your record of no collisions, rather than your passengers comfort. To them, this sounds like an empty excuse. If I were you, when a passenger is in the car, I would adjust my driving to more emphasize their comfort. The safety stuff you can do in your sleep.

14

Yes, the post you quoted is me asking about ways to learn to emphasize passenger comfort.

15

Doesn’t “jerky” driving also wear out the brakes and tires faster?
IMHO, all of the things that have been suggested in this thread might or might not be true. But if your passengers don’t feel safe, that in itself is reason enough to make an effort to drive more safely.

16

Could be - but he gets much better gas mileage than I do!

17

I find that I am consciously a smooth driver because I usually have my dogs in the back of the car. They are standing up in the back of my SUV, with a little cage wall between them and the front seats. If I take a turn too fast or stop too quickly they fumble around and smash up against the cage. And I don’t mean hard brakes I mean some slight stuff humans wouldn’t notice but standing dogs do.

Even when they’re not in the car I find myself taking extra care to be smooth.

**Frylock **if you are trying to consciously be a smooth driver, you might benefit from doing something like putting a bowling ball in the back seat, or barring that, a gallon of water. Something that’s going to react to the momentum of your car. You will quickly get tired of this thing rolling and smashing around, and start paying attention to changes you can make to prevent it from moving.

18

Some years ago I read Traffic. Somewhere in there the author makes the point that for most drivers, their rate of collision involvement is too low to be useful as a measure of how good or bad a driver they are. A better measure is how often you have close calls, regardless of whether they’re your fault or not. Each close call is a roll of the dice; if you have lots of close calls, eventually one of them is going to cross the line and become a collision. So maybe you want to review your own driving with that in mind.

As someone else noted upthread, the subjective experience of being the in-control driver is very different from the subjective experience of being that driver’s not-in-control passenger. I have some appreciation for this when I fly as a passenger on commercial flights: if the pilot is gradual/smooth with his control inputs, I’m fine, but it makes me really uneasy when he suddenly firewalls the throttles and/or makes snappy pitch/roll commands. I’d probably be fine if I was sitting in the cockpit, seeing/hearing what they were seeing/hearing, and knowing that things are actually fine. Similarly, your car passengers aren’t privy to your thought processes when you’re driving; they might be put at ease if you drive more conservatively when they are sitting next to you.

Also, when you ride as a passenger with them, do you notice any difference between their driving and your driving?

19

My mother told the story of how when she was being taught to drive they would put a glass of milk on the floor in the back seat. The goal was to drive in such a way that the milk didn’t spill. Possibly an apocryphal story, but illuminating.

So, translating to real life: Slower smoother starts and stops, not running up behind others or following closely, not turning quickly and sharply, not flying across multiple lanes on the expressway to make an exit, stuff like that.

20

I have a friend who, when driving, absolutely can*** not*** talk to me without turning his head and looking at me while speaking. Riding with him is a terrifying experience because he likes to talk. Therefore, he rarely looks at the road ahead.

Yes, I’m sure there are others out there who are similarly distracted by their passengers.