Err…Problem is : I don’t know how to pronounce “oregano”. 
None until I was 13. During the last two following years, I had one hour of musical education/ week at the middle school. And by this time, i was already unable to compare the pitch of two notes. I remember it quite well, since we had exercises where we were supposed to write down the notes played by the teacher, and I had no clue what they could be
I was brought up by my grandmother and she didn’t listen to music nor sang. The only music I would hear would be songs on the radio and some records of children’s songs. Once again, only after I reached 13 (and moved to live with my parents and brothers) I began to listen to music.
Nope. Never did. However, my culture is…well, french. And i don’t think french people are supposed to be particularily inept at music.
Darn. O.K., how about these?
“That’s an insult.”
“Don’t insult me.”
Does the word “insult” sound the same to you in both examples?
Or…
“She got a salary increase.”
“I will increase her salary.”
Does “increase” sound the same?
Or…
“I’m going to record that sound.” vs.
“I’m going to play a record.”
Or…
Does “outrage” sound the same as the first part of “outrageous”?
I bookmarked the thread. I might try that. Thanks for the advice.
A waltz should be pretty straightforward as far as figuring out which beat is which. Beat one is almost always going to be the bass instruments, and beats two and three will be the higher instruments. It’s often jokingly referred to as “boom, chuck, chuck - boom, chuck chuck…” As long as you can hear the basic difference between high and low, you’ll always know you’re on beat one if you hear a really low note. The “boom, chuck, chuck” is always going on in the background; try focusing on that instead of the melody.
This is exactly what I suspected. By the time you were thirteen, it was too late. Even after thirteen, it sounds like your musical instruction was a bit weak.
[soapbox]
Music is important. It must be taught regularly and systematically from an early age. It must be a part of the school curriculum, just as reading, writing, and 'rithmetic. All children should be taught music. It cannot wait for the later grades when band, or whatever, starts. Ideally, music would be taught every day by a qualified music teacher. It should be taught and evaluated the same as any other school subject. Study after study show that students with a foundation in music do better in math and other subjects. Besides, music has its own intrinsic value. It is a vehicle for culture and sophistication. Music is a part of who we are.
[/soapbox]
I applaud your desire to improve. You have recognized what you do not know and have sought solutions. As you venture into married life, I hope that you continue to look for ways to make your uberspouse happy. If you truly learn to waltz so that you can dance with your new wife, then she is truly a lucky lady. Maybe one day you will waltz at your daughter’s wedding.
oom pah pah oom pah pah
You can learn rhythm! I did out of self-defence.
Since my wife did ballet until she shattered her kneecaps, while I went to schools that never had dances, it was truly embarrassing when we started going out, since I had no sense of the beat (despite taking music lessons for three years).
So we started going to ballroom dance classes; mambo, cha-cha, rumba, waltz, etc… I can mimic pretty well, so when the teacher demonstrated the steps I could repeat with ease, faster than some of my classmates. But when it came to knowing when to start, oy vey was I hopeless. Pick out a bar of music? a beat? Hear a random song and know what kind of dance you’re supposed to do? Hopeless, even after two semesters of classes.
But the more I listened to the music (in class) the better I got at picking out what dance went with which song, and it dawned on me that if I listened to this type of music more often, I’d probably be able to pick out a beat: I did, it worked.
When I started jiving and swinging, I did the same thing, listening to more early jazz until I could pick up the beat, and learn when to use it and when to ignore it (Song’s too fast to Lindy to? Skip every other beat).
To summarize: sign up for a dance class, talk to the teacher and find out what music was played, then go buy the songs and listen to them for the next week, realizing that there’s supposed to be some element that repeats.
But if you can’t find the beat at all, you need to start with songs that have a really easy beat to pick up. eg. Every breath you take by the Police, where Sting plays almost bass at almost the same pace for the whole song (dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum) while the snare comes up very regularly as well (dum dum HIT dum dum dum HIT dum, or one-and-TWO-and-three-and-FOUR-and-one-and-TWO-and-three-and-FOUR-and).
Thanks, but…I don’t intend to get married. I assume you’re mistaking me for another poster.
Let’s not forget the Catholic Church still teaches the rhythm method as part of the horizontal two-step.
Come on, people! Someone had to post it!
Like many of those posting, I’ve always had a good sense of rhythm… which means we may be the least qualified to give you advice, since we’ve never actually had to learn anything.
So the best I could give you is foo foo advice: I’ve always heard that a human’s sense of rhythm always comes from their own heartbeat. Maybe you need to get more in touch with your internal ticker. I recommend jogging a mile or two every morning, or best of all swimming a few laps and them holding your breath and going under water - you’ll hear it clearer then you ever thought possible. Spend as much time listening to that bass drum in your chest as you can, get so you can always hear it thumping. One of my favorite exercises is one you and uberbabe will love: when you’re spooning with her, put your hand over her heart. Once you can feel her heartbeat, see if you can get your own to synchronize with it. It takes a lot of focus, and it doesn’t really accomplish anything, but I’ve always found it enjoyable nonetheless. Once you get so you always know your own heartbeat you should (in theory) get a better sense of rhythm.
Or maybe that’s all a bunch of horsepoop. In which case, I second the DDR recommendation. Nut up and buy a system – if it gives you enough ability that you and uberbabe will spend many pleasurable evenings throughout your life dancing the night away, then it’s a worthwhile item. Don’t be such a cheapskate! This is the rest of your life we’re talking about! Isn’t uberbabe worth it?
Unlike clairobscur, I had musical instruction from an early age. Music classes in public school from kindergarten through 9th grade. I don’t remember the exact schedule, but I think it was generally two or three times a week. I never was any good at it, it was always my worst class. Starting in the tenth grade we were able to make our own class schedule so I stopped taking music, by then I knew it wasn’t for me. I always knew I couldn’t sing but I badly wanted to learn to play an instrument, so I joined the school band in the 5th grade, but like I said I washed out after a couple of months. My instrument was the snare drum, but I just couldn’t keep a rhythm and threw everyone else off. I clearly remember the teacher taking me aside and telling me that, and suggesting that maybe music isn’t my thing.
I have a clear memory of a defining moment in music class from the third grade. My elementary school put on a musical show for the parents every year. Each class came out and did one segment in the show. Our part was some sort of song, and I was supposed to be playing a xylophone with a few other classmates. I liked the xylophone, and I was pretty happy to be lucky enough to play one in the show. We practiced in class, but apparently I was so bad that the class would laugh when I played, and the teacher became so frustrated with me that I was demoted to holding up posterboards at different points in the song. The thing was I had no idea what was wrong, to me I sounded perfect. I was devastated that I wasn’t playing. I would have to say that while failing 5th grade band was the final straw, this one single and very public moment did more to turn me off to music than any other.
My parents are actually fairly musical. My Mom once taught piano, and my Dad often sings along to the radio. The radio was played daily, and we have a cool old electronic organ (with a vacuum tube amp), though nobody played that very often. I tried to learn to play it, but didn’t get very far. I’m the musical black sheep of the family.
I’m Ukrainian, and I believe we are supposed to have a rich tradition of folk music. Both my parents were also folk dancers in the church when they were teenagers, and a cousin of mine is a competitive Ukrainian folk dancer. I just inherited none of that talent, I guess. I never sang at any kind of function if I could help it because I always knew I couldn’t sing. When I do sing, people just berate me for not singing and don’t believe me when I tell them I am trying. They generally think I’m anything from being too shy to deliberately trying to sabotage things. To me I sound like I am hitting notes, but to others it sounds like I am just saying the words.
Another thing I thought I should mention is that since my wife is from China, I am learning Chinese. I would think that because of the tonal quality of the language, being unable to sing would be a major handicap. Apparently that’s not the case for me, I’ve been told my pronunciation is pretty good (though it is something I’ve worked extra hard at).
Anyway, I think rhythm can be learned. I managed to do it, and I am pretty inept.
I’m sitting here with my husband who’s a professional drummer and a drum teacher and he had some very interesting ideas about how to learn to hear the beat.
His first suggestion is get some music that has a discernable beat (you may want to have someone else pick something for you) I’d suggest rock or pop or disco or hip hop or something with a heavy, obvious rhythmic cycle.
Put it in your stereo and crank the bass up as loud as it will go. Put your hand on the speaker. You should be able to feel the beat just like you can feel those cars coming down the road with the extremely amplified sub-woofers.
Maybe being able to feel the rhythm will help you be able to connect with it.
Perhaps some part of the rhythm will be felt with more emphasis. Don’t worry about what beat the emphasis falls on but just notice how often they occur and try to notice the cycle. Rhythm always occurs in a cycle. That’s what rhythm is.
Drum God had a good idea about the metronome. I’d like to add that maybe you should try to get one that has a light. My metronome has a light that blinks with the beat.
Just thinking that if you can engage your other senses it might make it easier for you to get it.
Interesting comment, since I already wondered myself if I could be able to speak a tonal language or not (not that I’m planning to do so in the near future).
The overall opinion so far seems to be that rythm can be learnt while singing/playing an instrument in tune can’t, apparently…
No, I disagree. You can learn to hear pitch; it’s just that people also have innate ability, and I think the amount of innate ability varies wildly from person to person. I think anyone can learn it, but the amount of effort required for some people is minimal, for others it is moderate, and for some, it is so great as to be a virtual impossibility. I think it’s extremely rare, if at all, for someone not to be able to distinguish, say, a piccolo from a contrabass, or a baby crying from Barry White singing. Everyone can hear pitches, it’s just that some people are better at distinguishing smaller degrees of difference, just like some people probably recognize different shades of blue better than others. When I took ear-training in college, almost everyone in the class improved. It’s just that some of us came in already possessing the ability to sing on-key, while others came in not even being able to match a pitch played on the piano. The latter people may have graduated only being able to sing back one pitch played on a piano and not much else, but it was an improvement.
It’s like any other skill. I can learn to play golf, and I can improve, but I will NEVER be as good as Tiger Woods. And like any other skill, it’s much easier to learn as a child, and becomes more and more difficult as you age.
I guess I was thinking of the OP, who has indicated that he does wish to dance at his wedding. My apologies.
I love velvetjones’s idea of using the bass speaker to feel the beat. Change it to a tactile sensation and see what happens.
The QT5 metronome I suggested doesn’t have a light, but it does have a blinking dot on the LCD display. It’s kinda like following the bouncing ball.
Jet Jaguar’s experience with music education seems similar to my wife’s. Her experience in beginner band was so awful, it’s a wonder that she married a band director. I have met students who a difficult time, but I don’t think that I have ever told them that music just wasn’t for them. I NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER permit my students to laugh at each other. We are all trying our best, and that’s all that matters. IMHO, your music teacher was a bum. We should teach kids, not discourage and embarrass them. Not that I haven’t made a mistake or two in my career, but c’mon…
I think I will try the metronome idea. Many thanks to Drum God. They can be had for $10 at Amazon.
I don’t think the bass blasting idea is necessary, though I may try it if the metronome fails me.
I suspect that part of my issue is trying to correlate some of the words to aural phenomenon. “Listen for the downbeat, can’t you hear the downbeat?” works like driving directions “Turn left at the fuzzalabop. You can’t see the fuzzalabop? It’s right in front of you! A fuzzalabop looks just like a zorphidon only more kwesky.”
I am hoping the metronome starts the synaptic connections firing.
I have a few months before the wedding, so hopefully can make some progress.