A good pair of reasonably tight denims is highly recommended if you wish to experiment.
Nah. Helium doesn’t burn, and you aren’t likely to have any inside of you any way (unless you’ve been inhaling way too many balloons.)
Hydrogen you might have.
How about farting into a plastic bag then lighting it?
You also asked if it was dangerous. Here’s what a Google search turned up…
Salt Lake City Press Conference:
“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. “I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot (our gerbil) in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon’, my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match,
thinking the light might attract him.”
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.” Tomaszewski suffered second-degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
(Addendum from the original author:)
Okay, here are the top ten things that scared me the most in reading this story.
-
“I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum…” Argh!
-
“So I peered into the tube…” Err - I’m sorry, but that’s like looking through a telescope into hell. I’d rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
-
That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem) being shot out of the guy’s anus like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky and Bullwinkle.
-
Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone’s anus. I’m just guessing, but I seriously doubt said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki’s “tunnel of love.”
-
People walking around with these volcanic like pockets of gas in their rectums.
-
People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomising me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I can’t imagine looking at a doctor and saying “Well doc, it’s like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube…”
-
“First and second degree burns to the anus.” Wouldn’t this make the burning itch and discomfort of haemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy poop after something like this? And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God’s green earth.
-
People named “Kiki” which is obviously a Polynesian word for “Idiot white men who insert rodents up their butts.”
-
What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?
-
This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I’m starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
Well, nothing will happen if you don’t.
You also asked if it was dangerous. Here’s what a Google search turned up…
Salt Lake City Press Conference:
“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. “I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot (our gerbil) in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon’, my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match,
thinking the light might attract him.”
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.” Tomaszewski suffered second-degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
(Addendum from the original author:)
Okay, here are the top ten things that scared me the most in reading this story.
-
“I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum…” Argh!
-
“So I peered into the tube…” Err - I’m sorry, but that’s like looking through a telescope into hell. I’d rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
-
That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem) being shot out of the guy’s anus like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky and Bullwinkle.
-
Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone’s anus. I’m just guessing, but I seriously doubt said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki’s “tunnel of love.”
-
People walking around with these volcanic like pockets of gas in their rectums.
-
People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomising me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I can’t imagine looking at a doctor and saying “Well doc, it’s like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube…”
-
“First and second degree burns to the anus.” Wouldn’t this make the burning itch and discomfort of haemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy poop after something like this? And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God’s green earth.
-
People named “Kiki” which is obviously a Polynesian word for “Idiot white men who insert rodents up their butts.”
-
What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?
-
This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I’m starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
When I was in the Air Force, I watched a guy light a fart through a chemical warfare suit.
Of course it was a training suit and had been washed many times, thereby removing most of the charcoal lining…
Still, it was pretty impressive…
Sorry, lieu.
Yeah, lieu, there’s no way a story like that would show up in any Salt Lake City papers, and I can’t imagine any of the hospitals holding a press conference like that.
Besides, they scandalously misused the word “felch”, which they seem to think means “gerbil-stuffing”.
Keep your sexual kink terms straight.
I’m a trained professional, please do not try this at home.
Hell, I’ve lit upwards of 400 farts, and never suffered more than singed finger hairs, and that was mainly due to having the lighter at an odd angle. I’ve gone through denim, cotten breifs, nylon (not recomended for rookies) and nuthin but thin air.
My buddy’s cousin’s sister’s dad’s brother once had his entire intestinal tract simultaniously explode though. yeah, right.
The gas burns so fast that it’s really more of a flash fire than an inferno. A little heat is associated with it, but nothing dangerous. Give it a try, it really isn’t that hard.
That story was so “out there” that it should ONLY have been interpreted as a joke.
The Better Half reports, eyes aglow with fond remembrance, that this went on quite a bit in his dorm (although he insists that he never personally participated) and that the only injuries he can recall was some slight singeing experienced by guys with more than the usual amount of, er, butt hair, if you catch my drift.
Isn’t the Internet wonderful? 
That Salt Lake story is false, but the idea that some people have put some really strange things in various parts of their bodies isn’t.
Take a look about half way down this page about the Glore Psychiatric Musuem and what was found that a patient had swallowed.
What did the gerbil say when Richard Gere walked into the pet store?
“Woof”
:::d & r:::
I have never tried this, but should I be overcome with the urge someday -
Why are pants recommended? Don’t they dissipate the blast? If I wanted a nice long jet of flame, would pants-lessness singe my nether regions?
Regards,
Shodan
I’m sorry but I can’t answer that as I’ve never just happened to be naked with a Zippo in my hand before.
So, you can light them thru your pants?
Fascinating.
Okay, now I HAVE to visit the Glore Museum. That looks so unbelievably cool.
Dear Lord. I should have tried this that day when there was nothing left in the house except a 32-oz can of Baked Beans. Mmmm… B&M is my friend.
That video is most excellent.