I don’t think it is rude but you will have to be explicit as politely as possible because there are lots of clueless people out there.
Also, keep in mind that no matter how explicit you are about it being no kids, at least 1 invitee will probably show up with the little ones anyway. “Oh, but we always take them with us.” So you will have to be ready for the possibility of asking someone to leave.
I suppose it’s out of the question to mention on the invitation that “We will be providing a special damp, stuffy dungeon-room in which all uninvited guests will be asked to remain, unfed and chained to the wall, for the duration of the party”?
If someone calls you up and asks if you’re serious, you can tell them to bring their kids and find out.
“Due to profanity and adult situations, this party will not be suitable for attendees under the age of 18.”
(Depending on what kind of parties you throw, you may want to change the first part to also include “strong sexual content”.)
Judging by the attendence of some movies I’ve been to, that would be far to subtle for some folks.
:smack: Make that “too subtle…”
You’re a doofus, a barbarian and a hick. The “clear notice” that you shouldn’t bring your daughter is that her name isn’t on the invitation.
[guote=Kizarvexius]I’m a single dad without much of a social life, but when I do hang out with my grown-up friends (none of whom have kids, BTW), my daughter comes along and usually behaves impeccably.
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There’s a big difference between informally “hanging out with friends” who presumably understand and accept that as part of your particular group’s social norms your daughter comes along and bringing your daughter who hasn’t been invited to a formal, written invitation dinner/drinks/dancing party at a hotel.
They’re making it clear by not putting her name on the invitation.
If you’re going to be drinking, it’s not acceptable for children to be there anyway. And you should put that in the invitation. Make sound like you’re just concerned for the children, but make it firm that they aren’t allowed.
(A glass of wine with dinner is one thing. Drinking after dinner? Not so much)
Plus, there’s always the chance that the five-year-old will somehow snag someone’s martini and then you’ll have a drunk five year old to explain. Yeah, not fun. And irresponsible of the parents that want to bring their kids.
~Tasha
Miss Manners be damned, you have to be explicit.
When my husband and I recently married we had a no-kids rule. Even though it was explicitly noted on an additional card in the invite (with other information such as the fact that we were providing a coach service for those that preferred not to drive) and still my Aunty phoned and said ‘But I can bring Chloe, can’t I?’. Some people were miffed that their kids weren’t invited but we held firm.
So, not only do you need to note it on the invite, you also need to confirm when people RSVP.
The party sounds fun - what’s the occassion if you don’t mind me asking?
Since when? It’s pretty common around here to get together with friends and family, kids included, and have a party where there’s drinking. As long as the kids are invited, I don’t see how it’s irresponsible or not acceptable.
I’m not talking about big loud parties where people are getting smashed. But dinner and a few drinks afterwards at a kid-friendly place or someone’s home? No problem. Wedding receptions where the kids were invited and drinks are served? Not a big deal in my circle.
I’m firmly of the belief that if you shield your kids from normal adult style socializing and drinking, you’re creating a mystique around alcohol that will eventually backfire.
Agreed. Let us not forget that kids + adults + booze = weddings. I’ve never heard of the “drinking = no kids” rule.
Be explicit on the invite. I like the idea of having a room and a couple responsible sitters to watch kids if your guests can’t come up with their own sitter.
I don’t get this. How is this the responsibilty of the person throwing the party to take care of the guests’ kids? It’s not enough to be crystal-clear that kids aren’t invited? The host has to provide baby-sitting services? How about if I don’t have kids, but I DO have an incontinent morphine-addicted grandma I’d like to bring? Is the host then responsible for hiring a physician specialising in addictions, and supplied with plenty of Depends, so grandma is okay during the bash? Jeez. Get your own goddamn sitter, wouldja? Or say you can’t attend. Give me a break.
Could you do this in a way that sounds helpful? Such as, “for those that will be needing to organise babysitting, the event is expected to run between 6.30 and 11pm…” or something like that?
Its a nice plus and a way to make sure your party doesn’t become something you don’t want it to be - either a family party, or a ghost town when parents can’ find (or don’t choose to find) a sitter. I don’t think it HAS to be done, but it is one way to handle the inevitable if you have friends with kids a certain age.
How about grandma?
Also, I’ve got a big epileptic Great Dane I don’t like leaving alone in the house.
That sounds like an excellent idea.
I HATE this one. Some people go through contortions and a lot of money to hire a sitter, and then Bob and Janice show up with little Austin. “Oh, we didn’t want to hire a sitter, he’s such a good kid, and we won’t stay long.” How do these people think that EVERY OTHER PARENT in the room feels, having shelled out $50 for the evening for a sitter only to have you show up with your little one - and claim that yours is somehow superior.
Just write “Clothing Optional” on the invitations.
My crew (literally – a 22 person canoe racing crew) are mostly grandmothers, and a couple are great grandmothers. They are a blast at parties.
I don’t mind- it’s a surprise birthday party for my wife. About half of the guests will be family, and many of the other half will be my wife’s friends that she knows through the playgroups my daughters belong to, and parents of the kids that my daughter goes go school with. Which is to say, I haven’t met most of them. All of the playgroups meet during the week, when I’m at work. Even to get their mailing addresses is taking a bit of sleuthing on my part.
I like a lot of the suggestions everyone has provided, particularly Girl From Mars’. And just to be clear, I ordinarily love having kids around, and when we have parties at our house- like a summer barbeque or something- kids are always welcome. But sometimes you just need to do things as an adult, ya know?
Since I’m inviting both my parents and my wife’s, I don’t even want to consider that. <shudder>