Hi, everyone. I’ve been a longtime lurker but never felt the need to post anything until now. I have a big problem.
I think my mom is getting senile or something way before her time. She’s nearly sixty but seems to be like someone decades older mentally. She has a college degree but I guess after being a housewife, she just stopped trying somewhere along the way. I don’t really remember how she was when I was much younger, but now all she does is sit in front of the TV all day watching mostly QVC for entertainment. She started doing word-searches recently, but it doesn’t seem very mentally engaging. She acts so helpless. A few days ago I asked her to get some flowers for a centerpiece and I was out when she got back. She left the flowers out of water for over 2 hours because she said she didn’t know what to do with them. She also constantly asks what is going on in TV shows as if she can’t understand. I don’t really know how to describe it, but it’s like she either can’t or doesn’t care about making any decisions for herself. Is it right for someone that age to be so helpless? No one else I know around her age acts like that.
It doesn’t help at all that she has no friends and is for some reason afraid to learn how to use the computer. Or maybe that’s a general technophobia, she doesn’t like cellphones either.
I’m really, really worried about this and I don’t know what I should do. I don’t see the situation improving at all. I’m afraid to talk to my dad about because he has a tendency to say “it’s old age” and leave it at that. But he’s the same age and he still works as an electrical engineer.
Is there anything I can do to help my mother? I was thinking of maybe trying to get her to read, since she doesn’t do that either, and even when she was younger I never saw her read anything but Redbook.
At best, her behavior is annoying and embarrassing, at worst her eccentricities seem too much like a slow descent into dementia.
(Oh, and seeing the other thread about being bilingual preventing dementia, I hope it’s true. My mom was raised bilingual in English and Spanish.)
Absolutely get her to a doctor. There are plenty of things (many fixable) which could be causing her behaviour. If she’s not even 60, she’s hardly on the border of decrepitude.
Don’t just accept this; tell your dad it’s vital that she see a physician.
Let me add to the chorus of get her to a doctor. There are many things that could be the cause, both mental and physical. It would be good for her to get checked out, referred to specialists if need be and to discuss how she’s been feeling.
Get her to a doctor. First thing to check: hearing and vision. Problems there can make someone seem dim or inattentive. If that’s the case, good luck getting her to fix the problem; some people can be very stubborn in admitting they’re getting old and need a hearing aid or glasses.
Another vote for ‘go to the doctor’, just in case. If there’s nothing ‘physical’ wrong, though… is she lonely and depressed and withdrawing from the world?
My father went hermit after his wives and my sister died (all in the same decade ), and spent about ten years never leaving his apartment and just eating tea and toast and watching the Discovery Channel. He is now 81 and in a nursing home and his memory is going.
I am convinced that his withdrawl from the world worsened both his physical and mental states. His sister, my aunt, is one year older than him and in much better condition–she doesn’t live alone, for one thing.
Withdrawl from the world is so tempting and easy–I should know. I have many of the same tendencies as my father, and have been fighting them for years. It often takes a ridiculous amount of effort to get over that hump of inertia and actually get outside and do something.
At least I have the internet to keep my mind awake, but too much time on the internet is not good either… I need physical exercise as well. That was one thing my father never seemed to get in his later years, and I wonder whether there’s a point past which it is impossible to exercise oneself to better shape.
Another vote for seeking medical advice. Of course, your mother may not want to go see a doctor, and may be quite vehement about it. That’ll be tough on you if that happens, Marfisa – but insist. With love.
Get her to a doctor. My mother is almost 63 and is working full time as a senior database administrator and can still give me a run for my money in many professional and social situations. Not saying that this is typical either, but what you describe is something I wouldn’t expect of a healthy adult person of any age 30, 60 or 90.
Yep. When people start losing their hearing they often won’t admit it and it makes them seem like they are never paying attention and aren’t concentrating.
So, we can hope it’s something that simple! Good luck.
Seriously though, you should. My grandmother showed signs like this around the age of 60, ended up being hearing loss that she was too proud to admit. A hearing aid fixed her right up, even if she was a bit disgruntled that we had dragged her to the doctor.
Here’s one more vote to take her to the doctor. Your mom is not too young to have dementia. IANAD, but I work in a town hall where one of my co-workers processes the death certificates for everybody who dies in our town. The certificates, signed by physicians, state cause of death. The co-worker has shown me two certificates in the last two years for women who died of dementia. One decedent was 63 and the other was, almost unbelievably, only 54.
Get your mom to a doctor now. If this is dementia - and I’m not saying it is - there are medical interventions that can slow the process down.
I’m only thirty-six and I went into a mental slide sometime after my twins were born. I finally got to a doctor, somehow, through the cloud, and had some testing done. For me, it turned out to be easily remedied with thyroid supplementation.
Sounds like when my Abuelita had “falta de riego” (not enough blood to the brain). She got medication, it got fixed. Doesn’t mean your Mom has that… but take her to a doctor.
It stated on the death certificate that dementia was the cause of death? In someone 54?
I know dementia is a life-shortening illness and a contributing factor in deaths, but the cause of death in a person 54? If they had a raging infection they didn’t get treated or some sort of respiratory infection that was neglected because they suffered from dementia wouldn’t the list the cause of death and dementia as a contributing factor?
Were they homeless people and they didn’t know how they died?
I know there are types of early onset dementia like frontal lobe dementia, vascular dementia or even Pick’s disease. But even with them the cause of death is normally due to infection.
Add me to those who think your dad is wrong. Since my workplace hires a lot of retired teachers a good 25% of my coworkers are in their 60s or older (one of them is almost 81!), and your mom doesn’t sound right compared to them. She might have something easily treatable.
Is she on any antidepressants? Someone I know who seemed real vague for a while way too young was simply having a poor reaction to new depression meds. Once she was put on a different drug she was her old self again.
Something else that can happen is a person can just be on too many medications in general, and it can cause a “brain fog.” This happened to my mother, “dementia due to drug toxicity.” It’s hard to say if it’s all gone now but much or most of it is.
), and spent about ten years never leaving his apartment and just eating tea and toast and watching the Discovery Channel. He is now 81 and in a nursing home and his memory is going.