I’ll answer this from the same side as you are on Wesley. I have been suffering from depression pretty much all my life. One effect of that depression is that on analysis my life always seems to me mundane and pointless. Yet if I write down what I have done and seen it is clearly not the case. The disease of depression renders me incapable of analysing my life in a fair and ballanced way leading me to wrongly beleive my life is pointless.
So I don’t think you can do very much to make your life seem worthwhile to yourself without first dealing with the depression. Though dealing with the depression may well involve doing ‘worthwhile’ things within your life.
For instance I spent a little time helping out at a hospital for severely mentally handicapped children. Though a truely ‘worthwhile’ thing, it was a terrible effect on my depression at the time, and I had to stop working there before it drove me suicidal. On the other hand the far less ‘worthwhile’ action of driving accross USA as a student with my best friend, had a great effect on my depression, and still gives me meories I can use to bolster myself against the depression when it seems overwhelming.
OK, I’m rambling here, I hope at least some of what I wrote makes sense.
Cheers, Bippy
That makes sense. I remember when i was deeply depressed i couldn’t even listen to sad songs because it made me suicidal. I am on a variety of ‘things’ for depression, and it works pretty well. I still get depressed but its not as bad or as deep and my overall mood is improved. So i’m already fighting my depression and i understand the reason life feels like it has no meaning is a result of depression, and not an objective view. Even if life had no meaning when im not depressed and think about it i dont’ care. Its an interesting cart/horse thing when you think about it. Are your views negative because you’re depressed or are you depressed because your views are negative? I think your views follow your mood. If you’re depressed your views turn sour.
Like right now i’m not depressed. Even if life has no meaning i don’t care. This is weird, normally my mood is better than its been the last few days. I guess its partially because im turning 25 today and growing up. I don’t want to grow up. So that is probably a factor.
But overall, what i wrote in my first post doesn’t matter to me right now or have many/any negative effects on my mood.
I’ve heard that quote used in reference to combat.
Wesley, if your life’s boring, get out of the house.
I know seveal people who, when I tell stories about them, get the response, “I didn’t think there were actually people like that” who think their lives are boring.
It’s all a matter of perception.
You don’t ever have to “grow up,” if that means being mundane.
I’ve always been depressed—probably not as severely as many here, but it’s always been there, a cloud hanging over my head. Runs in the family, it does.
But, like my mom before me, I’ve got two sides: the hopeless “Life is meaningless and I am worthless” side, and the “Life is exciting and I’ve got a lot to do” side. Usually these sides battle, with the “Life is exciting” being at 51%. Just barely winning over the other more hopeless side. It makes things interesting, to say the least.
The best thing to do is to make some feeble start at something, even if it’s small. Start doing something that you always wanted to do. Read a book that you always meant to read. Change your routine in some small way. Enroll in a night class. Just something.
I’ve met a lot of people (and I’ve been this way myself) who just cannot give themselves permission to do something a little different. I remember talking to a woman (who couldn’t have been more than 30) who already felt in a rut and trapped. Sure, she had several kids and a tedious job, but she had some free time and she could start learning new stuff. She told me how she wanted to learn hobby ceramics—you know, where you buy little clay figurines and paint them up. I happen to know a little bit about that, so I was enthusiastically telling her of a place to take classes, encouraging her to do it, telling her that it’s not hard, etc. etc. etc., and she looked at me as if I was from Mars. Just couldn’t comprehend that she could do it.
I don’t blame her for being so reticent. Sometimes you’re surrounded by people who don’t do stuff like that and it never occurs to you that you have “permission” to do it. Or you’re afraid you’ll stink at it and who needs the embarrassment? Or whatever. But the fact is, it’s something that can be done. You just have to not give a damn what people think, and you have to just do it. So what if you fail. So what if others don’t approve. It’ll be fun to learn and you’ll be proud because you tried.
A few years ago I was bored, bored, bored and so I decided to write a little “tutorial” site on Geocities. No big deal. Just because it was “something to do.” Completely trivial, I thought. But things escalated, and after a few years that little “tutorial” site because this large site that gets a lot of traffic, has inspired me to write a book on the same subject (the site visitors encouraged me to do so), and earns a nice little side income. Who knew? Who could have predicted such a thing a few years back?
One of my friends, a practical-minded fellow, used to rag on me for “wasting my time” writing these stupid little web sites (not in so many words, but that was the gist of it). I’m sure he saw them as meaningless. A diversion. Well, he’s not ragging on me anymore. You just never know.
What is the meaning of life? It’s hard to say. For me, though, it’s not being afraid to learn new stuff, to do new stuff. Because you never know where they may lead you. My “trivial” site grew into something that people claim is very helpful to them. So I did something that was helpful to others. Is that not a purposeful thing to do? I guess so. And who knew that it was going to turn out that way in the beginning? Certainly not me.
Just do fun, selfish things, things that you find personally edifying, and you may find out that eventually, things will fall into place and you’ll end up doing something very purposeful with some seemingly “trivial” activity. Who knows?
Okay, I know this was a stream-of-consciousness rambling thing, but I hope that a little bit of it was helpful. . .
This reminded me of a quote from the tv show “Angel”. It was in an episode called “Epiphany”. Here goes:
Kate: I feel like such an idiot.
Angel: A lot of that going around.
Kate: I just couldn’t… – My whole life has been about being a cop. If I’m not part of the force it’s like nothing I do means anything.
Angel: It doesn’t.
Kate: Doesn’t what?
Angel: Mean anything. In the greater scheme or the big picture, nothing we do matters. There’s no grand plan, no big win.
Kate: You seem kind of chipper about that.
Angel: Well, I guess I kinda – worked it out. If there is no great glorious end to all this, if – nothing we do matters, – then all that matters is what we do. 'cause that’s all there is. What we do, now, today. – I fought for so long. For redemption, for a reward – finally just to beat the other guy, but… I never got it.
Angel: All I wanna do is help. I wanna help because – I don’t think people should suffer, as they do. Because, if there is no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness – is the greatest thing in the world.
Kate: Yikes. It sounds like you had an epiphany.
Angel: I keep saying that. But nobody’s listening.
I love this conversation. I’m not sure why, but the part about “If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do” makes PERFECT sense to me. There is no final exam, no grades, no “life report card”. We’re all here for a short time, and as has been discussed here, nothing we do REALLY matters…and (without getting too philosophical here) if that’s the case, why should we even be here? Why should we live? But we do. And that means there must be something to it. Ever pay someone you don’t know a compliment? Make them smile? You didn’t have to. Ever look up in the sky and realize that it’s a beautiful day, and you couldn’t help but to smile? I do.
Nothing I do matters, and that’s GREAT, becasue that means all that matters is what I do. I think I’m going to leave early today and go biking, or climbing, or…whatever.
Wesley, I have suffered from chronic mild depression since I was eleven years old. Because it started when I was so young, I didn’t really know that I had a medical problem. I mostly assumed that everyone else felt the same, and they were all just pretending to take pleasure in just living. From time to time the depression would get worse, and then I’d go see a counselor. Eventually I would feel better. I thought about trying antidepressants, but I didn’t think my problem was bad enough to try them. Also, as a creative person, I thought I needed to suffer for my art. I was afraid that if I were happy, I would lose my creativity.
Finally, I did try antidepressants, and what a difference. For the first time I understand what people mean when they talk about the joy of being alive. And it didn’t take away my creativity or change who I was. On the contrary, I feel more like myself than ever, like a kid again, before the world wore me down. I have more courage to follow my dreams.
The point of all this is certainly not to suggest that you (or anyone else) should take antidepressants. All I’m saying is that if you feel like your life is sorta pointless, I suggest you take that feeling seriously and do something to address the problem. That might be changing jobs, taking a trip, talking to a counselor, or whatever you need. Just don’t suffer with the problem as long as I did.
Well I’m 33 and haven’t seen the need to grow up yet (well I pay my own way, but appart from that I hope I don’t count as grown up 
). One thing I find that helps give my life meaning is to try and do nice things for other people, often just random acts of kindness, but also keeping an ear out for when friends and collegues might need a little help or support. It is supprising how easy it is to support someone who is feeling down, even though you can’t stop yourself from feeling down.
Is life mundane for most of us? Well, yes, to a certain point, in the sense that pretty much everyone has a “same shit, different day” sort of routine a lot of the time. We get up, we feed the dogs, we go to work, we do whatever it is we do after work, we go to bed. Even the most exciting routine is fairly mundane to the person whose routine it is. Because it’s routine. It’s just the same old, same old to them.
Is life pointless for most of us? I don’t know. I know that a lot of people think I haven’t really accomplished anything with my life, but I don’t think my life is pointless. Sure, I work a pretty menial job for pretty crappy pay, and a lot of my days are of the get up, go to work, come home, go to bed variety. But the very fact of my existence seems to add happiness to the lives of my family and friends, and I help a lot of animals at work and contribute to the happiness of their owners. I had a lady stop me in a store one time and tell me that my reindeer antlers and smile had brightened her whole day. I see and learn a lot of cool stuff from some of the most unexpected sources, and I try to return the favor. Most of us have a lot more point to our lives than we really realize.
Part of it probably is your age, Wes. It seems pretty common for people to hit an identity crisis of sorts around 25 or so. A lot of us have this idea that at that point we should be fairly well-established in the adult world, should have accomplished stuff, should be working on our careers and families, etc. And let’s face it, a lot of us are not where we expected to be at that point. We have a preconception that we’re supposed to have “grown up”, by which we mean become staid and boring, but we don’t feel that way at all. It can all be very confusing and more than a bit depressing.
Part of it is also our definition of “grown up.” Far too many of us define it as being dull and rigid and afraid to try new stuff, and it doesn’t have to mean that at all. See yosemite’s post. Hell, come see my quilts. I’ve wished for years that I could learn to quilt, and I finally decided that wishing wasn’t getting me any quilts made. So I decided to make one, even if it turned out so badly that people rolled in the floor laughing and pointing and asking “What the hell is that supposed to be?” Talk to the guy who decided to go to vet school at the age of 57. Read Erma Bombeck’s books and columns. She was 37 when she started writing. Look at the paintings of Grandma Moses, who never picked up a paintbrush till after her 70th birthday.
Hey there, Mr. Wombat, welcome to SDMB. Drop me a line sometime if you’re interested in chatting with someone else in educational software.
Thanks for your considerate words. This is the reason why i like straight dope, there is no ‘my dick is bigger and my car is more expensive’ stuff, people are just honest about themselves and their flaws and shortcoming.
donegalwombat - i am on a variety of supplements for depression, but no legitimate pharmaceuticals (SSRIs, tricyclics, wellbutrin, etc). I am currently taking trimethylglycine (similiar to SAM-e), DL-phenylalanine, St johns wort and chocamine. I have noticed a major difference in my overall outlook since i started these drugs (the DL-phenylalanine and trimethylglycine are the most important in my view). I’m already fighting my depression. Back in winter of 2003 when my life went to shit and it triggered a horrible depression i realized that my depression was the problem in my life, not the symptoms of the depression (the pessimism, the fear, the apathy, etc) which i had been focusing on before. Ever since then i’ve tried to overcome it, a really good book of tactics on the subject is dealing with depression naturally, which covers tons of psychological, lifestyle and nutritional supplements for depression. I have a family history of depression, of the 5 members of my immediate family (including me) i know for a fact 4 have either have or do have clinical depression. I don’t know if my older brother ever had it but it wouldn’t suprise me. I have also had some very severe trauma which can trigger depression. But i’m fighting it and have been since december, and doing a pretty good job i think.
Bippy the Beardless - well im not on my own yet financially. I had serious problems from the age of 17-21, so i didn’t really accomplish much in those years, but now im in college and hope to be financially independent in a few years.
I am in a soap opera. The main adult leads are three single women and a gay man. The storyline revolves around their place of work, and their day to day lives. Sometimes the scriptwriters concentrate on one character, sometimes there is a common theme, often there are cliffhanging episodes. Nothing terribly dramatic happens (although there are often hints of a more exciting past). The characters deal with, among other things, love and loss, sex and shopping, divorce, broken hearts, money issues, work, children and childlessness. There is a large cast of lesser characters, and even a couple of spin-off series. It is resolutely rooted in the mundane, and it is enthralling.
Part of the point of life is finding the excitement in life’s mundanity.