Suppose hypothetically I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months. Bored at work one day, I do a search of her name on my state’s judiciary case search website and find out she had a divorce which she never told me about.
In a real situation, last year I met a woman at a party and we dated a while. About a month into dating, my friend calls me to tell me he did a case search on her and found out she was arrested for attempting to drive while intoxicated about 5 years ago. I asked her about it and she was a bit embarrassed, but it didn’t lead to any problems.
Personally, people have looked me up before when I was doing the online dating thing. I wasn’t terribly bothered by it, because I don’t have any court records I’m embarrassed about. But I know everyone’s different. Is either situation above an invasion of privacy?
It’s not a breach of privacy in any wayt that is legally actionable.
On the other hand, depending on the circumstances (and depending on what you do with the information you elicit) it may well violate social conventions about the respect we should afford to other people and their backstories.
With the one exception that I might want to know if the woman had a history of stabbing her lovers in their sleep, I can’t imagine caring enough to do this.
Yes, its a violation of their privacy, but a totally reasonable one if it’s someone you’re intending to get into a serious long term relationship with. If someone’s reaction to this kind of public search is hostile, they’re hiding something and its a pretty good bet that I’m far better off not being in a relationship with them.
It may not be a violation of their privacy, but it sure is a clear indication that you do not trust them to tell you what you need to know about them. So it may not be the perfect basis for a romantic relationship.
Something about this, even just researching someone, screams “Stalker” to me. It feels wrong, even if it can be rationalized with a straight face. If you feel I’m wrong, please tell me specifically why you feel that this person
is part of that 1% of 1% that make up the plots of Cheesy Lifetime movies. Why would you invest large sums of money or time on researching someone when, if you feel that way, you should be dumping them immediately?
Bonus Points of you can avoid saying “because he’s/she’s rich as a Dupont” or “hung like an oak tree/ fills out that bikini just right”.
How about – “S/he is someone I might become interested in seriously, but I don’t want to continue dating with the presumed goal of falling for her if she has background issues that seem like deal-breakers?”
I don’t think anyone but you has postulated this. The OP’s theoretical involved a free search that takes 60 seconds. Speaking personally, I’ve googled the names of people I’ve met online, either before or immediately after asking them out on an IRL date.
I have a rental suite and everyone that gets any consideration for it, I do a criminal and civil search. Good thing too. A couple of years ago, one guy turned out of have a weapons charge and an assault charge against him. Needless to say, he was bypassed.
Whatever happened to taking a chance on love? So you might be killed, but is it really worth it to try and prevent that when you may also eliminate the mystery in courting someone? Besides, just because they killed someone in the past is no guarantee they’ll kill you. Give them the benefit of the doubt, I’m sure the other person deserved it
Don’t verify! They probably had a lot of terrific sex with their psycho ex, isn’t that worth the years of stalking and phone calls in the middle of the night?
