So, because YOU assume that it MUST affect others (but not you,yourself), then your patronizing attitude is that she is in the wrong, even though it has absolutely no effect on you.
Then again, MOST of the people who MIGHT be possibly affected would be acquaintances. If I were an acquaintance, I really wouldn’t care one way or the other. So what that you’re pregant? Oh, not pregnant, after all? Again, so what? As for her direct family, only THEY can answer for their own feelings, nobody else. And I heard nothing in the story about a potential boyfriend, or other paternal prospect, being named. So that’s only more assumption.
Which is my entire point. Most everyone here is making value judgments for another person, based upon a huge reservoir of unvalidated assumptions, imagining themselves being directly in that situation, which they weren’t. In other words, rank voyeurism. No different than the people who talk to the soap operas they’re watching.
She’s high school? Ostensibly a minor? And he’s 20? Banging some school kid? Apparently there was no uproar about that; why not? And why was there no uproar that HIS reputation was ruined for making it public that he knocked her up? So where was HIS family in all this, assuming as several have noted, that he’d be facing legal paternal issues? Seems he, and they, weren’t all that worried about something that they “weren’t notified” concerning an experiment.
People just LOVE to be scandalized. Just check out all the soaps and tabloids that have flourished throughout the decades.
If she had waited that long. In fact, she could’ve done the whole thing without using the fake enlarged belly and without “ruining” her senior year, simply by “announcing” the pregnancy and then “announcing” (i.e., spreading the “rumor” about) the abortion within a span of about three months.
Some might not care, but I don’t think people’s reactions are what make it OK or not OK. The fact that she’s all right with manipulating or toying with people just for a (not terribly well thought out) school assignment makes me think of her as a jerk.
That’s exactly what makes it OK/not OK. People’s reactions is what defines cultural or social conventions. I find a culture that condemns voyeurism as a sin, and then indulges in it themselves, to be incredibly hypocritical.
I guess that’s part of the issue. The concern over “manipulation/toying” with people. Especially with a non-involved person’s interpretation of manipulation. But then again, I have little patience with people who are (or can be) easily manipulated, especially those who merely complain about manipulation rather than learn how to be in control of their own reactions. Part of the “It’s Always Somebody Else’s Fault” mentality.
I’m not saying that I couldn’t be manipulated, myself, but it would require some extraordinary cleverness to direct it at my personal sensibilities, not some admittedly “not terribly well thought out” attempt.
Yup, I thought it was pretty cool too. I don’t approve of not telling the boyfriend’s parents, but the rest of it? Totally interesting. Her methodology may be flawed, but that’s like complaining about a high school chem student who isn’t using highly volatile material that grad students use.
Then again, I also believe some social experiments* need to be done without authorization to get accurate results, so meh.
*I’m not talking about stuff like Tuskagee here, obviously.
I think it’s <i>both</i> interesting and brave <i>and</i> unwise and probably unkind.
The data is not very scientific, but I think it’s still very interesting to see what people’s reactions are decoupled from any physiological changes in the mother – and as a reminder that if someone is pregnant <i>we shouldn’t make assumptions</i>.
Similarly, I think it only fair to assume there <i>may</i> have been good reasons not to tell the siblings and boyfriend’s parents. But even if there are, it still seems like a bad idea, it’s a big risk for dealing with her friends, and a GIANT risk for dealing with those who may have a more personal stake in it, even if you think they won’t.
There a joke that a friend is one who will bail you out of jail, but a real friend is one sitting in jail with you, saying “In hindsight, it probably wasn’t such a good idea.”
Seems that real friends would understand, even if not agree. And the others can go to hell. “Accept me for what I am, even if I’m unacceptable.”
Understand that I’m not defending what she did. I tend to believe it was ill-advised, but I’m not terribly upset that somebody would do such a thing, even if I were part of the experiment. And THAT is what I’m commenting on, all the people who are tremendously upset about it, especially ones not involved in any way.
Just what is it that they’re really reacting to? Some preconceived notion rather than rational thought on the subject? It’s a lot like that game, What Would You Do If… And everyone tries to predict what they’d do. I’m here to tell you that most of you will react in ways you’d never believe, sometimes even afterward.
Who ISN’T living a lie, everyday? If you think whatever you’re doing is important or will be missed, check your dad’s gravesite, or his dad’s. The company where he worked? He’s been replaced. Sure, it was important to the immediate family for a few weeks. But they’ve managed to go on. Check that gravesite, and see how many people are standing around it on any daily basis, commiserating on the loss.
You’re just not that important. People will forget you in a matter of months. Life goes on. The only thing important about YOUR life is what YOU’VE made of it; in other words, how well you managed to lie to yourself. So if your own lie has so little impact, how much less of an impact can there be from someone else’s lie?
“If you take things personally, you will feel offended for the rest of your life.” ~ Deepak Chopra