Oh, a green golf ball joke.
We should have a contest:
Who can come up with the cleverest punch line for “What’s the difference between a Catholic and a river that runs uphill?”?
you are welcome. You have no idea what I’m thinking, but you could be on the right track. Your second thing “how can I help them” was actually the first thing I thought when reading your post.
The second was “I wonder when Forrest Gump joined the board?” 
Just kidding. Glad you are a human, too.
Actually, in Australia, Bogan is primarily a slur against lower class white people, so, yeah. And we used ditchpig a lot in highschool, but not with the meaning on that list - it was more aimed at someone so gross they looked like they’d rolled into a ditch.
So, you lose your bet.
Wait, wait wait. Source material for you! http://thingsboganslike.com/