>If you tell me “You’re welcome” is there not the premise that I might not have been welcome?
Well, yes, sure. And when somebody says “Thanks”, of course, they might instead not have been thankful. The messages do mean something. I think in polite company it is pretty automatic to use some of these phrases, but then by definition politeness itself is automatic in polite company. Giving somebody an icy stare or stony silence is a way of meaning something different, if for some reason you want or need to. What I find interesting about the “no problem” phrase is that its underlying premise is specifically different from that of “you’re welcome”, in a way that makes “no problem” weirdly misplaced in many interactions where it seems to be growing common.
Exactly. The phrase “no problem” carries with it a sense of trying to reassure the other person. And, for me anyway, the reason it does is not the history of the phrase, but the fact that, as I said above, it is used in situations where no one would use the phrase “your welcome.” For example, the phrase “no problem” can be used in response to an apology.
Why does this distinction matter? Because language is all about communicating different shades of meaning in different contexts. Again, it’s not that I’m “offended” or something when someone at MacDonald’s says “no problem” so these exhortations to be more thick skinned and don’t overanalyze it miss the point. The point is that we make the language stronger when we distinguish between different shades of meaning.
So? If “No problem” becomes an acceptable response to “Thank you”, then some other phrase will take its place. Or it will just continue to be used in both circumstances. I think we’ll be able to figure which meaning is meant.
This is about the 70th time in this thread that someone has said “I think we’ll be able to figure out which meaning is meant” and I have to say that this entirely misses the point.
If I am talking to someone whose mother just died, and I tell them “gee it’s too bad your mom kicked the bucket” then yes, the person will likely be “able to figure out which meaning is meant” and will get it that I am using “kick the bucket” in the sense of “died” not in the sense of literally kicking a bucket.
But that does not mean it is appropriate for me to use the phrase in that context. Whenever someone uses a phrase, it carries with it certain connotations. If someone uses the phrase “no problem” then that has certain connotations, at least according to several posters on this thread. Several of us have explained that it carries with it the connotation of reassuring someone. I have tried to explain that this relates to the fact that, unlike the phrase “you’re welcome,” the phrase “no problem” is also used in response to an apology.
It is possible that, as you suggest, that will shift over time. But for now it carries that connotation for some people, and for them (us) it is slightly annoying for that reason.
>No, every statement does not carry hidden meanings. In fact, most do not.
Now we’ve come full circle. Weren’t you arguing for accepting the phrase “no problem” to have the hidden meaning of “thank you” instead of its literal meaning of “this situation isn’t problematic”?
>someone has said “I think we’ll be able to figure out which meaning is meant” and I have to say that this entirely misses the point
Yes! This is the thing! And it’s pretty weak affirmation for using “no problem” when one means “you’re welcome”, claiming that they are likely to be able to repair the misunderstanding. It’s possible they’d also figure out what you meant if you say “you’re walkin” or “you’re well hung” or “rural kin”, but since we already have “you’re welcome” at our service, why argue for ANY replacement whose meaning is already taken otherwise?
And, yes, “slightly annoying” is about right, or “it sounds wrong” or “it seems bizarrely misplaced”. It’s not very important. It’s just intriguingly off. Which is why people like us enjoy thinking about word and phrase meaning and the drift of language and all.
“No problem” doesn’t bother me. Neither does (in this country) “No worries”.
I might be alone here, but I actually don’t mind the vacuous banter between a customer and a shop employee. Neither of them means it, each knows the other doesn’t mean it, and both just want to get home. But it’s just a gentle piece of smoothing-over to which we all know our lines. What does bother me is when shop assistants have obviously been told that folks don’t like a bland “Have a nice day” or whatever, and the assistant will give you your change and say something like, “AWESOME!”
“Awesome?”
Fer fuck’s sake, I’ve just bought a packet of smokes in a suburban shop. It’s not awesome.
I hate it. A simple “You’re welcome” is all that is needed.
As irritating as “No Problem” is, I heard a worse one today. I was at at restaurant in Ottawa, and everytime I thanked the waiter he said “No worries”. I wanted to punch him…
I realized last year that I say “no problem” or “yup” to people who say “thank you,” and when I try to say “you’re welcome” instead it sounds fake. But “no problem” and “yup” are so casual that I really need to get out of the habit- I don’t like it when other people say it to me except in informal situations, so why should I be saying it to other people who are usually thanking me for something I’m doing at work?
A lot of it is the tone and circumstance in which the “no problem” is delivered, but count me as one of the annoyed. I actually trained myself to use “you’re welcome” when I realized that all the other common responses seemed disrespectful.
The main issue, to me, is that “no problem” or “no, thank YOU” or other variations effectively invalidate the gratitude of the thank-er. It is similar to when one person says “you look terrific in that dress!” and the second person (man, woman, I don’t judge!) responds “oh, this old thing? I look like crap!” The first person went out of their way to say a nice thing, and rather than receive the compliment graciously, the second person basically says “you’re full of shit.” It betrays insecurity on the part of person two.
Similarly, person one doing the thanking has done the courtesy of, er, being courteous. Instead of accepting the courtesy with grace and implicitly acknowledging that they deserve it - “you’re welcome (because I did do a nice thing for you, didn’t I?)” - person two, the thanked, says “Ahhh fuggeddaboutit (because my action does not deserve your gratitude).” This is just another way of person two saying “I don’t respect your judgment” or, if you like, “You’re full of shit.” With both the compliment and the “thank you,” person two is responding with disrespect in the guise of self-deprecation.
Of course nobody really means any of that, but it *is *implied in the language and deeply imbedded social conventions. Thus, it sets my teeth on edge no matter how well-intentioned the “no problemer” might be.
That said, I mostly only notice this in work or formal situations, when my ettiquette meter is on “high.” Informally, I might not say “no problem” much myself, but I don’t get worked up if someone else does it.
Person 1: You look great in that dress!
Person 2: What, this old thing? I look like crap!
Person 1: Oh, uh. Well. I dunno, I think you look pretty good.
Person 2: Obviously you need glasses! Naw, I’m just joshin’ ya. Here have a drink.
Person 1: Thank you.
Person 2: No problem!
Person 1: (fumes)
or
Person 1: You look great in that dress!
Person 2: Thank you.
Person 1: You’re welcome.
Both: (beam in the light of goodwill and peace reigns throughout the land)
My understanding is that “you’re welcome” is really only common in the United States.
Whenever I go to India, my relatives ask, “Why do you Americans say ‘you’re welcome’ in response to ‘thank you’? It sounds like you’re telling us we’re welcome to thank you.”
I say, who the fuck cares. Any audible or visual response that’s clearly meant to be friendly is good enough.
Person 1: You look great in that dress!
Person 2: Thank you.
Person 1: No problem.
Both: (beam in the light of goodwill and peace reigns throughout the land)
See how easy that was?
Person 1: You look great in that dress!
Person 2: What, this old thing? I look like crap!
Person 1: Oh, uh. Well. I dunno, I think you look pretty good.
Person 2: Obviously you need glasses! Naw, I’m just joshin’ ya. Here have a drink.
Person 1: Thank you.
Person 2: You’re welcome.
Person 1: (fumes) [“Oh, I’m just welcome to a drink? It’s no special thing on your part? Gee, I’m sorry I had such poor judgement as to think it was worthy of my gratitude. Asshole.”]
See, it works just as well!
If you’re inclined to get miffed over opaque, set phrases, you can always find a way; and if you’re not the type, then life stays peachy.
I rarely say “You’re welcome” to people my age or friends. It sounds so damn formal.
I’m a “no prob,” “no worries,” “don’t worry about it,” “no sweat” kind of guy. I’m amused that this grates some people. I hope to encounter one of these people in the future and laugh at them behind their backs. Hell, maybe to their faces.
As acsenray says, it’s all about intent. You could probably tell me to fuck off, and if you were waving and smiling, I’d wave back, saying, “I wonder if that person is learning English?”
I’ve no problem with no problem but I hate it when people in the service industrys with low self esteem cant say Thankyou because they find it demeaning and instead say"There you go".
I mean what the fuck is that supposed to convey to you?
Yes I know where I’m going because I’m me,oh oh Here I stand!
Quick,quick!look over there ,there I was !
If I’m forced to actually say thank you to someone I wont be able to sleep all night long with the shame of it,it makes me seem like somebody who has to do my best to fulfil customers requests merely because thats what I’m paid to do.
I hope nobody who knows me see me doing that.