is now the time to fuck santa clause once and for all?

picture the scene – large department store in glasgow – clause is in the grotto, the kiddies are put on his knee and he asks them what they want for christsakes,i mean christmas. oh, a playstation, football gear,a hi-fi… clause looks to the parent standing out of victim,sorry, kiddies sight for a yay or a nay on the possibility of asked for gift being affordable or not… mum nods ok… “yes, you be a good girl and do what your mum says, and ill bring you that gift" so far so good. then up comes a wee 6year old..."i want one of these (proceeds to ask for some toy or computer thats way out of mums financial league) clause looks to mum...the look says "for gods sake no”…clause smiles at the victim and says “well son, to tell the truth, (ha!) the elves have been so busy this year,that they never managed to make enough of the (hideously expensive) thing you wanted,and we only have enough for the older boys,but if your agood boy,ill make sure you get one next year,and this year, ill bring you a wonderful surprise”…fuck you! and fuck christmas! screams the wee guy as he springs off satan,(sorry)santas knee, and is hauled away by a red faced mother...."i dont know where he learned to swear like that"..... my point is...the kid was right. i never believed in santa clause ever, it seemed harmless enough,and you got toys,but now it seems that consumerism/materialism is perverting a good sentiment to the point where not only is the birth of christ (anybody remember him?) irrelevent to the functioning of "christmas", it kind of spoils the fun,or at least it would do, if we cared at all. im not a christian,but i cant help but wonder what jesus makes of this “festive spirit” we unleash every year in his name. i feel like we should all be like the kid from glasgow — we should jump off santas knee, and tell him to go fuck himself --i think jesus would approve. am i alone?

I have nothing to add except that I obviously didn’t get enough sleep last night because when I read “glasgow” my first thought was “I didn’t know they had Santa Claus in Poland.”

Come on, kid-- on most keyboards, the ‘shift’ key is less than a quarter-inch from your pinkie finger.

It’s not that hard to reach, and it increases the likelihood of people actually reading and responding to your post more than you might think.

Paragraph breaks are nice, too.

Merry Christmas.

hey! merry christmas larry, sorry about the shift thing , i ju s t can t see m to
get to grip s w ith it…
how about putting " fuck santa claus" on all christmas cards?

Otto what’s up with that! i had the same thought.

i have 3 kids all raised in an agnostic household–me & mrs. matchka never actually say, “there ain’t no god” but neither do we even discuss the topic. fie on christmas i say. 'tis but another designated gift-giving day that somehow cheapens all the other times when you want to just spontaneously give something to someone for no other reason than you value them and think it might brighten their day. i love christmas lights and enjoy the gaudy displays that i would never in a million years erect (uh huh huh…erect) & the tree is really cool too, but i can’t for the life of me justify doing any of it. i guess there’s always kwanzaa. can white folks do kwanzaa?

i kinda like this no shift key thing. i think i’m gonna do it a lot from now on.

Great rant!

I have no real problem with the “fun of Santa” aspect of the story – but something I’ve noticed is that the majority of folks who reject God reject him as a mythical construct who according to the myth sees all and rewards good and punishes evil. I cannot help but think there’s more than a slight connection there.

And he does detract from the original function of Christmas, and from the historical St. Nicholas, who was a pretty decent human being by anyone’s standards, even if he didn’t have reindeer and elfin assistants.

And, given the ubiquitous final E in the name in the thread title and the OP rant, may I respectfully suggest that the assembled Dopers of the Bar write up the longest contract with the most fine print clauses they can come up with on diligent research of old documents that have a plethora of conditional clauses surfeiting them, that we print this out on crisp, stiff parchment card stock, fold until it’s all corners, and stuff it up the rectum of Tim Allen for perpetrating this obnoxious usage under the guise of a play on words? :mad:

i always thought it was just a common mispeling.


But, YOU have to tell him.

He’s over in the corner, making his lists.


thanks polycarp-- i mean no disrespect to st.nicolas, or anybody else actually, when i say we should tell clause to fuck himself, i see clause as the symbol of the pointless consumerism which destroys the good qualities in people,and the relationships between them – i dont hate anybody,especially saintly people of any or no religion

Oh boy. I remember the Cabbage Patch doll year and the Tickle Me Elmo year (and by the way, that whole “tickle me” thing always gave me the creeps). I saw news broadcasts of frantic parents terrified that they wouldn’t be able to buy their children the toy they just had to have. All the worry that their young darlings would be devastated because they couldn’t get the toy on the top of their lists.

I fully understand trying to get your loved ones gifts that will make them happy. But if young Johnny is so devastated about not getting a particular toy that he can’t be happy and grateful for the other wonderful gits he got, then I think young Johnny has a problem!

I know that young children often can’t really appreciate the joy of giving gifts as much as getting them. And that getting presents is a huge treat for them. But even so, Christmas shouldn’t be about “I’m going to get the thing I want.” The fact that somebody took the time and effort to give you something (well, barring a lump of coal) should be enough make you happy.

I agree, we had the same problem. One way that helped was that we took the little one with us when we bought others their presents. We made him part of the process. We asked him what he though Grandma & Grandpa would like, and had him help us wrap them. Now he’s really excited about GIVING the gift, and can’t wait to see their faces when they open it.
Now we just have to stop him from telling them before Christmas.
He’s 9, and knows Santa doesn’t exist, which makes it easier.

Even when I was a young kid believing Santa brought me presents, some presents still came from my parents, sisters, grandparents or neighbors, and I was very excited about using my own money (albeit given to me by my parents) to buy presents for my family members. As I grew older, Santa began (and remains) to be the symbol of that joy of giving–and although all of my sisters are now old enough to not need Santa, we all still get (and give) presents from Santa.

It is possible to see Santa as teaching children how to give, not just how to get.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Now, tell him to fuck off.

“now it seems that consumerism/materialism is perverting a good sentiment”

Huh? I hadn’t noticed. You mean people actually try to SELL stuff in the name of Christ? How wierd is that?

Now George Washington’s Birthday…THERE’S a commercialized, perverted holiday if there ever was one. Not to mention all the crap surrounding Veterans’ Day. Elbow to elbow at the mall. When will people learn to stop having fun?

  • PW

  • PW

I hear tale (from my parents, who I don’t think count as a cite) that his name at birth was Tim Dick.

This explains a lot, I think.

Hey, if you think it’ll get you the pony, rock on…


I’m not into bears.

It’s true. He did time for drug dealing, too. Read his first book. It’s funny and interesting.

I think the thing about Santa that sucks is that the whole concept is “if you’re good, you’ll get stuff. If you’re bad, you won’t.” I think a lot of kids on Christmas morning wonder what they did that was so bad all year that Santa didn’t bring them what they asked for. Ugh.


Ron Jeremy as “Nasty Santa”
Salvatore Roma as “Dildo the Elf”
Misty Rose, Alecia Foxxx, and KC Stroker as “The Three Ho’s”
Introducing “El Gimpo” as “Rudolph”
Produced by Dirk Steele

’PS rating: 4/5 'possums

I’ve been bad this year, but I still got a copy of “Time to Fuck Santa- Once and For All” in my stocking. The movie begins with a bored and listless Santa complaining that “nothing hot ever happens at the North Pole,” but soon three nubile young hopefuls prove him wrong.

[We’ll stop here to protect the children]