Not at any given moment, but do most people’s lives include, in their own opinion, extremely difficult circumstances?
This has a lot of variables.
Statistically, we will all eventually lose loved ones, and we will all have to leave this world at some point, and there aren’t a lot of pleasant ways to do that. And of course, most of us will experience periods of illness and times of interpersonal conflict.
So we all have tough stuff to face.
But I think there is a great deal of variation in daily life. And we all have different tools for dealing with that. A middle class American with good coping skills definitely is going to have an easier time with most things than a homeless woman in Zimbabwe with bipolar disorder.
Anyway, I think we all face challenges, but there is variation in how many of deep they are, and how prepared we are to cope with them.
Everyone has their worst day ever.
Now, one person’s worst day ever may be the day they couldn’t get the $3000 handbag and had to settle for the $2000 handbag, while another’s worst day ever involved being raped while watching her child be murdered by an invading army… but in their own opinions, both days were pretty awful.
Suffering is always subjective.
Sure, most of us will lose loved ones, unless we die early enough or love no one, but some deaths are more devastating than others. Losing your caregiver at an early age or your child is likely to have a big impact, for instance.
Between exceptionally upsetting deaths, abuse, bullying, mental illness, rape, physical disability, serious illness, malnutrition, addiction, poverty, etc., it is obvious why some people’s lives would be classified as very difficult. But there are so many possibilities… Is it more “normal” than not?
Sure. I’ve been through terrible times and definitely have a worst day ever. But there haven’t been many of them.
Some people have the worst day ever every single day.
I think most everyone has some subset of the most common difficult circumstances, but not everybody gets the same hand overall. Some people get more bad cards, and others get more good cards. And some people play the game better with the cards they’re dealt.
That’s why some people seem to be particularly sad-sacky, and nothing ever goes right for them- it’s a combination of having a worse than average hand, and not playing it well. The reverse are people who both got a good hand and who are playing it well. They seem to lead mostly charmed lives. Most people fall in the middle though- there are plenty of people playing a less than optimal hand well, and plenty of people playing a relatively good hand like shit.
And finally, there’s a lot of stuff that people don’t let on that may be a hardship for them, and you may never know. Sort of the silent crosses that people bear; we’ve all heard about the illiterate people who have various strategies for concealing it; I’m sure the vast majority of people have something similar that is a trial to them, and they’re concealing it from the wider world. Secret virgins, odd sex aficionados, people in the closet, betrayers, etc…
I was fortunate in a sad sort of way in that neither of my parents had brothers or sisters. So all my aunts and uncles were really great aunts and great uncles. I was acclimated to deaths of loved ones at a relatively early age.
I sometimes think my life is hard, but it is all pretty much due to decisions I made early on - leaving home to join the Navy at age 17, etc. Once I got out of being on the academic path I was never able to successfully get back on it. This severely and negatively impacted my life.
But then I read about the way life was in the Middle Ages and I think ‘Eh. I don’t have it so bad.’ Despite having been homeless often when younger, despite being American Indian in this country, despite poverty, etc, etc.
Life. It beats the alternative. I had a younger brother who blew his brains out at age 20. So I do know that much about it.
It’s easy to point to socio-economic differences and use that to say that they must have a easier life…i.e. first world problems, 1% er, etc. But in my experience most difficult times are not economic. They are more relational, emotional. There are plenty of disadvantaged happy families. I came from a disadvantaged happy family. We didn’t have much growing up and for the most part we were happy. Money doesn’t make you happy. Growing up in an unhappy abusive family or being in an unhappy relationship is not correlated with your economic situation.
Desire leads to suffering.
Everyone experiences loss, tragedy, unrequited love, betrayal, etc. Which means we will all, sooner or later, be faced with watching the suffering of someone we care deeply about.
To me, there is no greater pain than watching another suffer.
So, in a very real sense, everyone’s life IS very hard. Rich or poor, first world or third, this remains true, I believe.
Sonja:
Wow, that’s messed up.
I have yet to meet anybody who hasn’t had a really super difficult time at some point. All you have to do is live long enough and life will be really hard somehow. Now that I’m around 40 and have lived a bit, it seems to me that everyone is having a hard time.
I know many people who look like they have it made. All you have to do is get to know them a bit to realize that they struggle with something really tough, whatever it might be.
It’s true that most of us have it easier in many ways than people in the past. I’m very grateful for dentistry and hot running water and soap. But human beings will always have a tough time somehow.
Job (as in the Bible) I’m not but I’ve had some days/weeks/months I wouldn’t mind brain-bleaching out of existence. But overall I would say my life hasn’t been bad at all and I can’t think of anyone I would trade with.
I think the 30-year-old single dudes living with their parents rent-free and eating Doritos and playing video games all day don’t have it so hard.
But yes, being out on your own can be hard, but a lot depends on drive, luck, and attitude.
I lost both of my parents early in life, which was immensely difficult. But I was young and I bounced back fairly quickly, although I can honestly say there are effects that I still feel all these years later.
Between losing my parents and losing my husband a few years ago, I had a wonderful, happy life. And because of my early losses, I knew enough to appreciate the good times when I had them.
The last few years have been difficult. The ‘great recession’ hit me hard financially and I lost a great-paying job a couple years ago that has since been replaced by a job I like, but that doesn’t pay at all well. I’ve downsized houses, downgraded cars, and am watching my savings dwindle at an alarming rate. I worry constantly about my financial future.
On the other hand, both of my sons are thriving and happy and healthy. I’m fiercely proud of them both and feel good about having a hand in raising two such outstanding human beings.
On balance, I’d say my life has been good. I’m not too fond of the present iteration, but I am very cognizant that it could be much much worse. But then I’m a glass-half-full kind of gal.
Just wait till Mom and Dad die with no money and huge mortgage on their split level. The day of reckoning will arrive.
Dunno about that - as you get older, you don’t get dates, your friends tend to drop you, you have low self-esteem, etc. I think that would suck horribly.
I think I’ve had a fairly easy life. In the moment, I bitch about things, and I’ve had some tragedies. But the general context of my life has been incredibly fortunate.
Not to mention that effectively being a loser may not be the best thing for their self-esteem or social standing, even if they don’t have to deal with money or job troubles like the rest of us.
I mean, how would you feel if you were 30, unemployed and still living with your parents? I’d have been absolutely mortified and embarrassed about it. Like suicidally so.