I have *read *Candide a couple times, but it’s been a really long time. I suspected it might be a Voltaire reference, but wasn’t sure.
It’s just a name. (note the lowercase)
Okay, that one sounded familiar. Shakespeare? 
I can’t believe no one has made the obvious rejoinder:
Nope.
Strictly amateur.
Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t
I think alcohol was his mom’s problem.
During the pregnancy, I mean.
If its weak, wouldn’t that just make it a better parody?
I’m getting really tired of alcohol being scapegoated whenever a Scumpup-style tragedy occurs. It isn’t the C2H6O; it’s the neurotransmitters of the person who uses it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used ethanol to defend against posters like Scumpup, but of course those incidents aren’t the ones that get reported. The answer definitely isn’t to take alcohol away from responsible drinkers, because then only drunks like Scumpup will be armed.
Frankly, I’m not buying his “I was drinking” excuse for when his posts go wrong, because I don’t see any style differences between his posts when he is supposedly sober and the posts that(after they go south) he claims were made while he was drinking.
“I’m not fucking up here-the drink is.”
I think that, in the spirit of the OP and to level the playing field, all posters replying to this thread should be shit-faced drunk when submitting their comments.
Or in my case, dead sober.
I’m hungover, does that count?
You said pre-alcoholic, now you’re saying alcoholic. Does it really happen that fast?