[quote=]
squeegee
…And in the hay it was… just okay. …Also she was a fairly marginal (ok poor) kisser.
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… Great kisser, great makeouts, and eventually sex that was so good it was unreal.[/quote]
There’s something to this. If she can’t light my toes up (and vice versa) during the makeouts, the hotness just isn’t there and won’t be, regardless of her abstract beauty (or hot ass or whatever). Good kissing is key. For me anyway.
Fly with me to the casbah! Just wear the tux.
I have found that kissing can be trained, so even if someone is a mediocre kisser, as long as they are willing to learn, they can be retrained into something much, much better! Too many people get the idea of kissing from the movies. I hate most movie kisses, with all of the slobber and the tongues, it’s fucking disgusting. You are not a doggy!
I really don’t post much to sex threads, but I offer this hypothesis: when you are physically interacting with a person, you get all five senses. Smells, touches and tastes, along with acting and reacting, all come into play in communicating sexiness along with visuals and sounds.
When one is not interacting with anyone, you only get sight and sound. I can see where visual attractiveness is given far more focus in those situations.
In that case, I think you’re going to have problems with my sexual technique, too.
Thanks, I needed that laugh.
I couldn’t agree more. Kissing is an exchange of intimate, nonverbal cues. A negotiation. With a new partner, you both adjust constantly, searching for a happy, sexy medium. If the other person just can’t adjust and isn’t that good in the first place, it’s hopeless. The same could be said about sex generally. An eagerness to learn/adapt is key for both partners, and if it’s not there then their attractiveness brought nothing to the table.
Yep. The variation that squicks me out is when someone kisses me and they’ve got zero muscle tone in their lips. Flabby floppy corpselike, and conveys the impression that they’ve got no teeth behind them either.
This answer strikes me as correct. Attitude covers (or amplifies) a multitude of sins.
From a female perspective, I’ve not had a huge number of partners, but most of them have been awful. They dove right in, didn’t personalize it, didn’t give a rat’s ass that I was even there. They’ve ranged from very attractive to sort of unattractive. The sex has ranged from boring to “you’re really hurting me and I’m stopping this now” “but I’m not done!”
The best I ever had was a sweet, average looking man who took his time, looked me in the eyes, talked to me, asked me if what he was doing felt good, and started slow. It’s the only time it’s ever been good for me.
I miss him. 
I’m sorry it’s been so bad for you, honey. As you know, not all men are like that. This is actually one of the reasons women don’t engage in one-night stands as much as men - we get just as horny but the chances of you actually doing something for us are kind of slim. And then when you leave we pull out our vibrators anyway so why take chances? I find the best lovers are the ones you learn with and grow with over time.
But they really are NOT the same.
I had a boring sex life until I got divorced. My ex wouldn’t change cloths with me in the room after her first pregnancy. I learned a lot after the divorce.
Some women think they are doing you a grand favor by laying there for you.
Some are specific about what they want - every time, without exception (aka Mrs Allen Harper).
Some are giggly like a school girl, even in mature years.
Some are passionate - to many different degrees.
Some are very dirty. Or want/need you to be dirty.
Some are kinky. I’ve met women that want to be hurt and one that wanted to hurt me.
Some do role-playing to spice things up. There’s a line from an old sit-com; “so THAT’S what the saddle is for…” but I can’t recall the sit-com.
Oh, but looks…
It all depends how important their looks are to you.
Personally, I figure the odds are really against me of finding a 10 that has the sexuality I fantasize about and is attracted to me. Yes, I dated some 7’s (and a cpl 6’s), but like I said, I learned a lot.
It depends I suppose. I mean by definition if you aren’t attracted to them, it’s kind of a chore to have sex.
Also depends on what you mean by “attractive”. Darkness may hide a not so great face, but it doesn’t do much for those rolls of fat.
This post stuck in my mind.
You say that most of your sexual experience (or partners) has been boring to awful…
I can’t help wonder
A) How old you are. I’ve read that the internet (porn) is really changing the concept of sex for younger people. I’m in my 50s.
B) Did you try to improve the sex in any way with any of them? If not, why not?!?
This is a curious, though interesting, question. I can’t say my sample size is large enough to have attained statistical significance, but I’ve had sex with partners to whom I was attracted to varying degrees. Undoubtedly the most mind-blowing, knock-my-socks-off sex was with the person to whom I was the most attracted, and who is also among the most conventionally attractive people I’ve slept with.
I’ve also had very awkward, not overly successful, I-think-we-tried-for-long-enough-please-let’s-give-up-now sex with a conventionally very attractive woman, where it just felt wrong. To round off the tally, I’ve bad both these types of sex with women who might be considered less attractive. (Hey, maybe this does approach statistical significance after all…).
I think, in short, that what people said above is what really counts: there are too many variables in this, and what you and your partner both bring to the situation is what really makes the difference. Physical attractiveness is only one of the variables, and maybe not even the largest. The best sex of my life has always involved a lot of laughter and affection and generally being aware of the strange sexy weirdness of it all, which adds to, rather than detracts from, the raw erotic tension and lust. Having a partner who’s a 9 doesn’t guarantee that by any means.
I certainly wouldn’t mind trying a Bond-woman (or women), for science. But this philosophy applies to so many things in life that I’d never be able to get through them all.
Thanks for the kind words.
To answer HipGnosis, I’m 30, but I was a practicing alcoholic from the time I was 19 to 27, so in many ways (particularly social ones) I’m immature for my age. I was also raised in a religious household which was quite sexually repressive, and I had very little sexual knowledge going into adulthood. There hasn’t been a lot of dating in my life.
The longest time I’ve been in a relationship is about two and a half months. Most of the men I’m referring to were one night stands. Internet porn doesn’t have much to do with it, though I’d seen a little porn as a teen, and that informed at least some of my scant information bank regarding sex.
But I am really starting to work on myself, including socially and sexually.
I was raised in a religious household, too, that was also sexually repressive. The first best thing I can tell you is buy a Hibachi Magic Wand and be responsible for your own orgasm. Once you master that you will be a lot more confident in bed, and less inclined to settle.
“OK kids, let’s get your coats and head home. Auntie Anaamika has had a long day and needs her rest.”
Hey, I’m just trying to help out a sister here!
Hitachi. And definitely don’t take your magic wand out at at Hibachi.
I’m 63 and am VERY fortunate, my wife is exceptionally well kept and good looking for an early 60’s woman. However, when I look around most in our age category are getting quite ragged (sorry don’t mean to offend anyone) but as George Carlin said “the biggest cause of erectile dysfunction is seeing someone your own age naked” said it all. Yes, makes a big different if the person you’re with is “hot or not”. All IMHO of course.
Grins Trust me, I got the orgasm part down as a teen. Getting past the shame of it was next (and trust me when I tell you I had serious shame hang ups about my sexual needs). Part three is getting past my shyness/social anxiety/social phobia/what have you. Basically, the part of me that becomes terrified to open my mouth and ask for something when I’m in bed with a man (hell, the part of me that’s terrified to go on a date with someone).
My inability to have a good time in bed isn’t really because I don’t know where my fun bits are, it’s just that I get so anxious, I can’t feel good. Nor can I get myself to ask for what does feel good.