Is there a legal document to cut a relative from any decisions/benefits from your life?

In My Humble Opinion
1

There are many places in the legal system where a relative may be involved with your life unless you have specified who you want to act in that role. For example, if you don’t have a will, then the state has guidelines as to which relative will act as your executor. But in the case where you don’t want a certain relative to have any role or responsibility with you in any matter, can you create a single document which prohibits that person from being involved in any such way? Although creating a will, power of attorney, etc. are beneficial for this purpose, they don’t necessarily cover every case and can be cumbersome and costly to setup and maintain. It seems like it would be simpler in this kind of situation to have a single document which says a specific person should not be considered as a relative in any legal matter you are involved with.

A common use for this would be for when you have a falling out with a relative. You may be fine with any other relative taking on a legal role, but you don’t want this specific relative to be involved in any way and you don’t want them to receive any benefits from your estate. Is there anything like that?

2

It’s called a will:

Bold mine

And a certified letter for disowning them while alive:

3

IANAL, but depending on who the other person is, simply not mentioning them in your will may or may not be enough to keep them from benefiting. You may have to say specifically “I am disinheriting so-and-so for reasons which are well known to him” or perhaps just leave them a token sum, like a dollar. I think there is a fairly strong presumption under the law that some people, like children or spouses, should inherit unless, or sometimes even if, you say otherwise.

As far as health care decisions, I don’t know if it works the same. You could say “I don’t want so-and-so making any decisions about my health” but it would be better if you made a long enough list of people who you do want to make the decisions, and hope enough of them survive you.

As in -

*I, Shodan, being of sound and disposing mind, declare this to be my last will and testament, and I declare all previous wills invalid.

All my property and possessions I hereby leave and bequeath to my beloved wife. I grant her durable power of attorney to make any decisions regarding my health care, including but not limited to turning off the machines, withholding medications, leading me out behind the barn and putting a bullet in my head, or other actions as seem fit to her.

In the event of her pre-deceasing me, I leave everything to my dear sister with the same directions.

I don’t want my creepy brother to receive anything from my estate, nor should he be allowed to make any decisions about my health. Because he is a creep.

In witness whereof I hereunder append my signature, this second day of March, 2020.*

If both my parents and my wife are dead, and my sister dies too, and I don’t have any children, it might wind up that the creepy brother gets it anyway.

Regards,
Shodan

4

Alas, I’m not sure if wills allow you to make certain that annoying relatives receive a boot to the head.

5

I am trying to think of a case other than distributing of assets on death and medical decisions where a relative would have a statutory right to act/receive a benefit in the absence of your directive.

In most states, spouses have certain inheritance rights that you cannot disclaim even with a will.

But say you had a wife, Sue, and two kids, Jim and Bob. Bob is a ne’er do well and you have decided that Bob is dead to you and you want him to have nothing at all to do with your money or any decision making.

As Shodan said, you would write a will naming Bob as your son, yet stating in the will that he is to take nothing or to take $1 as a nominal amount. You could then create a durable power of attorney that names your wife Sue as your power of attorney, if she is unable then Jim, but under no circumstances Bob.

If you do those two things, I am having difficulty thinking what else you might have to do to keep Bob dipping into the till. If you have life insurance, make Sue a 100% primary beneficiary and make Jim 100% contingent beneficiary. Other than that I’m not thinking of anything.

6

Even if existing documents can cover the situation–such as a will, power of attorney, and medical power of attorney–it can still be a hassle and costly to create or update those documents. If it doesn’t exist already, it seems like it would be very beneficial to have a single umbrella document which can be used to cut a relative out of your life in any and all matters without having to explicitly exclude them from each situation.

An example might be that you’re in a situation where only relatives are allowed to visit–such as in the hospital. If you had this umbrella document, you or a trusted relative could give it to the hospital to inform them that although Soandso is a legal relative, they are not to be considered as such for any matter. Even though the person appointed in a medical power of attorney might be able to do that, that person may not be available or whatever to fulfil their duty. This kind of umbrella document could be made available to trusted relatives so they could present it if you were not able to.

7

One way that some people deal with disinheriting someone who might make trouble is to leave them a bit more than a nominal sum, but make it conditional, like: to my (no-good) brother Bob, I leave the sum of $1,000, unless he contests this will, in which case he shall receive nothing.

8

What if your main concern is that you’re a widow and you don’t want the hospital to turn to Bob to make the call if you are incapacitated?

9

IANAL, but I suspect that you’d want to make sure that you have someone who is not Bob named as having medical power of attorney, and that your doctor(s) are aware of this fact, and have the contact information for your designated representative.

10

Does naming someone as MPoA mean they are the only ones who can make decisions? Or does it just move them to the front of the line as a decision maker, such that if they are not available, the default decision process takes over to pick someone to make decisions? So if you name your friend to be MPoA and they are unreachable, would the hospital then turn to relatives to make decisions?

And when relatives make medical decisions for you, is there any hierarchy to which person is the ultimate decider? If the relatives have conflicting recommendations, whose recommendation will they follow?

11

One of the “two” things I mentioned in the post you quoted was a durable power of attorney. You specify in there that you want Sue to make the decisions, if she is unavailable, then Jim, but in no circumstances Bob.

You can list a primary decision maker and as many secondary ones as you like. You can exclude Bob or whomever you like. Once they run out of people (and at this point, you must have had a real family tragedy a la King Ralph) then it goes to default rules for the state.

However, certain decisions can be made up front, for example, Do Not Resuscitate, pull the plug if I am in a persistent vegetative state, etc.

Each state has its own hierarchy of preferred relatives when there is no power of attorney. Remember Terry Schiavo? Under FL law her husband was the primary decision maker. Her parents sued alleging a conflict of interest, claiming that he wanted the plug pulled just to get her life insurance money (I think that was the reason). So, in essence, they wanted him disqualified which would have made them, her parents, next in line.

I’m not sure what would happen if the parents disagree as I’ve never seen a case on it. I imagine that they each have a 50/50 say, so if they do not agree to override the rules then the default medical procedure stays in place which would mean the plug stays plugged in.

12

To Manda_Jo: Sorry I missed the widow part. She would simply say in her DPOA that she wanted some other individual to act as decision maker but in no circumstances Bob.

13

Putting the power to make decisions about your health care into your will won’t work. Your will only takes effect when you’re dead; it can’t possibly control anything that happens while you’re still alive.

For health care decisions you need to use whatever form of health care proxy form is valid in your state/equivalent political unit.

14

Correct. In my state, you don’t need a lawyer if you can read and write. There is a one page form that you fill out, get notarized, and there is a fax number (yes, behind the times) that you send the document to which will place the POA in a statewide computer database so that if you get hauled into an emergency room, the medical staff will be able to see your directives.

15

IANAL, but I know a very little about this stuff because I’m the primary caretaker for my elderly and incompetent father.

THere is (in my state, anyway) something called a nomination of guardian, which means that you decide who will be appointed as your guardian if a guardian has to be appointed for you. Until the appointment of a guardian, it doesn’t affect anything.

Obviously, you would have to execute this document before you become incompetent.

16

Looking at the forms I see on-line, it’s pretty easy to designate someone, but there’s no place to put “under no circumstances, Bob”. Now, I agree that for all practical purposes, it’s unlikely that Bob will be the only person left standing, but not out of the realm of possibility. I mean, if you show up in the hospital comatose and they can’t contact any of the people on your form, and there Bob is, your apparently loving and concerned kid, how are they supposed to know you’d rather the state take over than having decision making powers passed to Bob? I mean, you could write “But never Bob” down the side, and initial it, but I am not sure that would work.

17

Right, but the issue is that if things are moving really fast, and you designated Lisa, and then your sister in Podunk, and then your sister’s husband, but they can’t find those people, is there any way to stop them from going to Bob, as your nearest relative?

18

I don’t know.

I just offered that little bit of information as something one could do to prevent some relative from gaining control over one’s affairs at some time in the future.

19

What happens if somebody wants to disinherit people but isn’t really sure who they are?

Let’s say there’s somebody who’s a single child, whose parents are dead, and who is unmarried and has no children. He’s writing up his will and wants to leave his estate to his local library or pet shelter or something like that. But he realizes that while he has no close family members, there must be some second cousin or whatever out there who is technically his closest living relative. How does he make sure that whoever this unknown person is, they don’t show up after he dies and claim they want everything he owned? Can he have a codicil in his will that specifically disinherits all of his distant relatives without identifying who they are?

20

That doesn’t sound very useful unless a lawyer knows you wrote that letter.