reads
reads again
reads again
What ketchup? 
Well, from this and stuff you’ve said before, you’re way ahead of where I am in terms of near to boredom with the canon – I’m still honing minor variations on JoC and Cooks Illustrated standards (chicken liver in spag bol. is still pretty inspiring for me), and probably don’t have the instincts you do to indignantly say “that variation is crap/amateur hour, but this sounds like it might actually work in a weird way.” Or, I still go with the appeal to authority and if I want a twist, look to a Paula Deen or Mark Bittman rather than the howling wilderness of unmediated l/c/d websites. Of course the complicating factor is that people with bad taste/instincts don’t generally know it – anyone who bothers to post a recipe anywhere obviously thinks it’s the bees knees, so their characterization of it is never to be trusted . . . (oddly enough, real cooks are much more candid about saying, you know, I tried it with [oyster sauce/Ritz crackers/nori] ‘cause it seemed really creative, and lemme tell you, I didn’t like my version at all" than Aunt Gladys can ever be about her cream o’ mushroom fueled “classic.”
I once got a rather bizarre cut of meat that I’d never really heard of out of a quarter beef. I knew it was something that should probably be put in the crock-pot or slow cooked in a Dutch oven, but beyond that I was kind of stymied as to how to prepare it. Googling the cut didn’t get me very far–I wish I could remember what they called it, and perhaps there was another name for it, but I couldn’t find anything except for cooks.com. The recipe suggested browning it and putting it in the crock pot with some caramelized onions, stock, and A1 sauce.
“I like A1,” I thought, and followed the recipe to the letter. I ended up with a charred mess. How the HELL can someone screw up a crock-pot recipe?
How did you get a charred mess? A1, onions, stock, stewing beef–I really can’t see how that happened, unless you used a bare minimum of liquid and cooked it for like 18 hours or something.
Actually its a life manual I’ll be hoaring for on Oprah next week. Remember you knew me before I was famous.
Sometimes, Heinz 57 sauce is a “secret ingredient”, even in Chili. I’ve had a great variety of chili… some very traditional, some not so traditional, some would do well by the a shot of Heinz 57. This ingredient comes from the “Great Bowl of Red” Diner tradition of the last 100 years, when your chili could make you or break you as a lunch counter, and tour secret chili could include cinnamon, or cocoa… or A.1., or heinz chili sauce, or even baked beans!. I wouldn’t necessarily scoff at a bowl of chili that includes Heinz 57, as long as that wasn’t the only ingredient.
Yeah…the great thing about chili, actually, is that to a certain extent you can add just about anything you want and it wouldn’t really affect the flavor too much. Heck, my dad once put expired baby food in ours once (he was trying to get rid of it), and we didn’t taste it at all.
Though I do know someone whose mother’s idea of chili was to make a pot of Campbells tomato soup and put bowtie pasta in it. It was quite a shock to him when he finally tried real chili! He liked it, but didn’t know that that was what chili was supposed to taste like.
no, most of these look like vomit.
[warning, these recipes are sort of Julie and Julia meets James Lileck:eek:]
I’m all for doing what works, but if the thing that makes your chili better is Heinz 57 you need to step away from the stove and reevaluate what the hell it is you’re trying to accomplish.
For a moment, I thought you were linking to this travesty.
Well, for tomato based chilis… A tomato based sauce is often very accepting and well, perfect for a very complex blend of spices, sugar, and vinegar/sour. A complexity of simplicity. Subtle tastes in a good base. That is what the Heinz 57 sauce offers.
Add some to your lobster bisque, if you are really in the know.
… as an ingredient… not a condiment.
Try using reduced cream (reduced fat cream, it comes in a tin) instead of sour cream. Add a teaspoon of lemon juice or vinegar (I find rice vinegar works really well) and stick it in the fridge for an hour or so. Incredibly easy but incredibly popular!
“Kiwi Dip” (the above recipe) is an NZ culinary institution but when I make it for my friends here who don’t know what it is, they look at me like I should be wearing a lab coat in a kitchen full of bubbling beakers and charging Tesla coils…
Prune whip?
Prune… Whip?
Prune fucking whip?
There are simply no words.
I’m just a regular guy.
there are words, but we do not use them in polite society. I believe they are found on those 25 pages of bad words in the other thread…
Beautiful!
OMG, you are a riot. 
I once made a recipe from Cooks.com site and it came out awful. It was something simple like a ‘Pumpkin Nut Bread’. They screwed up the amount of baking powder and the bread came out of the oven flat as a pancake and unedible. Like chewing leather. I really think some people just send stuff in as a joke. Lets throw a weeks worth of leftovers together and add cheese and it’s a casserole… Blah!
Oh, I hate cooks.com. I rarely find what I originally searched for and when I do, it seems like a bad idea. (Cook pork chops at 450 for 90 minutes? Don’t think so.)
Holy mother of…
I was almost dry heaving at the sight of evaporated milk and vinegar…
We have an added bonus of the rather interesting juxtaposition of the, ahem, voluptuous figure of our host and the persistent comments of the caloric content of the ‘salad’.