All this talk about spiders and nobody has mentioned the infamous “Clock Spider” picture?? For those of you who have never heard of this web-famous picture, google it. I dare not link to it mysef because it would mean subjecting myself to horror yet again.
I’m not generally scared of pictures of anything, but that is the most horrifiying thing I’ve ever seen (and you can’t even really see the spider!).
A nut cracker? It’s a fucking alien. It can crush coconuts with its bare claws; I’m a 6 foot guy and it takes me three or four swings with a hammer to even crack one. If you’re planning on eating one of those, you’d better kill it first shot, preferably with an anti-tank rifle, 'cos you wouldn’t want to just piss it off.
Ever since 9/11, I feel a disturbing sense of apprehension whenever a TV show (usually a crime drama like Law & Order or CSI) shows an aerial shot of Manhattan looking straight down. They only last a second or two, but if they lasted any longer I think I would feel compelled to look away.
You think I’m googling that shit? Description, please!
Why do you hate us? Jesus Christ! Yeah, I’ll sleep well all alone in my new place tonight!
Think of one of those generic wall clocks you spent hours staring at in school while waiting for the bell to ring. Imagine a few loooong hairy legs sticking out from behind that clock, making it obvious that there’s a spider back there at least as big in diameter (legwise) as the clock itself.
Oh, the description is nothing so bad at all, that’s where they get you. It is quite simply a picture of a wall clock with a spider behind it (such that you can only see a few legs). Seriously that’s all it is, may Cecil himself ban me if I’m lying. However the horror that viewing the picture leads to, I can not overstate. The very thought of it still gives me shivers.
(come on, you know you’re going to look it up, just get it over with)