I think what you meant to say was “Oops, my bad. I completely missed that.”
I usually ask someone who said they participated in a disease X march if it was for it or against it. It’s my jerkish impulse.
The impulse was slightly jerkish, because in effect you’re saying she can’t honor the departed as she sees fit, essentially you think she’s doing it “wrong” which is a jerk thing to think when people mean well.
In reality, she can honor whoever she wants with her walk; there’s no requirement that one honors the dead equally or in the exact same way, and no reason your opinion would be relevant to her choice of who to hold in her thoughts during the event.
But again, slightly jerkish, not really jerkish.
Thanks, all.
Slightly jerkish. But I would still post “I’m honoring Mom, Aunties and also Uncle Dave and Uncle Ron who also passed from cancer”. Then see if she comments at all.
I said what I meant to say.
Are you incapable of admitting when you’re wrong? Or is it simply that you think you’re never wrong?
Nah. That’d be passive-aggressive stirring up of shit. There’s a RhymerRule against that somewhere. I’d look it up but I’m too lazy. 
I don’t think the impulse was jerkish. If someone’s remembering victims of breast cancer then fine, let them go ahead. If they also selectively remember some, but not others, who died of something else then you’re entitled to draw what conclusions you like about their selectivity - and if they appear to forget men, or black people, or gays, or whomever, then you might even feel slightly nettled inwardly. Still, least said soonest mended - but you reached that conclusion on your own anyway. Your reactions aren’t yours to dictate; only the conscious actions that you choose to take or abstain from as a result.
Why would that be? She specifically asked others to list whom they were honoring. That’s your list. Seems pretty straightforward to me.
I think the particular phrasing you used calls attention to her not including the uncles, while affecting not to. Passive-aggressive. Aslan would not approve. “Hard knocks or courteous words, and nothing in between.”
I believe that’s pronounced “fer it or agin’ it” 
This is what I dislike about campaigns like this whether it’s breast cancer, or AIDS or whatever.
Yes, everyone is aware of breast cancer. Most of us know of someone who had it. But the question is if everyone is AWARE of it why are women as individuals still not doing as much as they could to check themselves out for it.
The answer is likely fear, or fear of having it, or the feeling I’d rather not know. Women don’t need to be aware of breast cancer, they need to be aware of what to look for so they can catch it ASAP and hopefully beat it.
You know men can get it too, no?
The impulse was jerkish. But all people have jerkish impulses, because the urge to say something jerkish comes from natural human desires to helpfully critique others, and to be amusing, and to let yourself think without feeling hemmed in by restrictions from other people, and to provoke reactions from other people. It’s jerkish if you do those things – without caring, or deliberately because, they’ll hurt someone. Except if it’s with someone you know well who does it back and you both enjoy it, then it’s fine. The problem with jerks is not that they have these impulses – it’s that they EXPRESS them. (Possibly also that they get the urge to be randomly nasty more often, but (a) you said this happened ONCE so we have no evidence.that you are, (b) your point, while extremely rude to bring up in a dismissive way to someone doing something good, was a perfectly valid one, whether ultimately true or not.)
Impulse: jerkish
You: not jerkish
If you said the same thing in a straight-forward, non-assertive, non-dismissive way, while still supporting what she was doing, it might actually be a very good point.
I don’t think your impulse was jerkish at all. Also, I had breast cancer and I ignore breast cancer month, pink ribbons, buttons, and cute Facebook postings about it.
Umm… people should be aware that men can suffer from breast cancer too.
I don’t think the impulse was the slightest bit jerkish.
After going through two different types of cancer myself (I am male, and neither of my cancers were breast cancer, although a male friend of mine did have breast cancer), the overexposure of breast cancer does bother me. Breasts are cute, noticeable, and ubiquitous in pop culture. Prostates, bones, livers, and lymph systems are not. I’m as much in favor of finding a cure for breast cancer as the next person, but let’s try funneling some of the enthusiasm (and money) into cancer in general. There are many types that are more painful and more deadly than breast cancer.
The fact that you quelled the impulse says something about you. Something good, if I dare say it
I sympathize with the impulse. This summer my family had a reunion in my dad’s hometown. My sister and brother-in-law put a lot of hard work into producing a professional-quality slide show documenting all the different families comprising my paternal grandparents’ descendents. At the end of the show was the “with us in spirit” part where dead family members were honored specifically, each with their own slide. Since my father has a lot of siblings and even more neices and nephews, this wasn’t a paltry number.
I don’t know if it was because I was feeling particularly sensitive that day or what, but I immediately noticed a jarring ommission. They hadn’t acknowledged the life of a cousin who’d committed suicide a few years ago. I told my sister how wonderful the presentation was, but I pointed out to her the “mistake”. I did so rather quickly so that she could make an announcement or something. But it turns out it wasn’t a mistake. They hadn’t been able to hunt down a picture of Johnny, so my sister reasoned that meant he couldn’t have a slide.
I wanted to say something like, “That’s really dumb! Even if you don’t have an individual shot of him, our parents have a picture of his family on their bookshelf and you could have just cropped everyone out of it.” I’m also sure our aunt, or any one of his many brothers, would have gladly donated a picture for the cause. Also, they didn’t even need a damn a picture. They could have just put up his name and the years he lived, just like they had done for everyone else!
I know it was just an innocent slip-up, and that my sister didn’t have anything against our cousin. It just made me feel bad for his mother–my aunt–to have her youngest forgotten in that way.
So I vote no, you aren’t feeling jerkish. I think if people are going to do the “honoring dead family members” bit in public, they need to make sure the list doesn’t exclude people for no good reason. Gender, IMHO, is not a good reason.
So how would you phrase it, in a non-passive aggressive way (though I disagree with you on that) using the exact same information?