Is your family close-knit?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have an aunt in Canada who is going to die any time now. A cousin (different relative) e-mailed me and my siblings to see if we had a nice memory of her that we could relate, so she could either read them at her funeral, or give them in print to her sons.

I had to write back and tell her that I didn’t have a single memory of her that I could share. The last times I saw her were 1996, at my mother’s funeral, 1991 at my grandmother’s funeral, and previous to that, on Thanksgivings and Christmases. I never knew her as a person, never spent any time with her; we never had a conversation. I was only ever at her house once in my whole life. I know not one specific thing about her, other than that she is married to my uncle.

And you know, it’s exactly the same for every other relative I have. I don’t know any of them. I haven’t seen most of them in more than 20 years, and prior to that, their branch of the family and mine never had any interactions. We never visited them, they never visited us. I couldn’t pick most of my cousins out of a lineup. I don’t know if they’re married and/or have kids, where any of them live, what they do now, or anything.

Up until my grandfather died in 1973, Christmas with him and my grandma was a wonderful time, with the house full of people, so many that some had to eat sitting on the stairs. There was laughter and fun and jokes and all of that. And then we wouldn’t see them for another year. After that, fewer and fewer people showed up for occasions. The last Christmas before my grandma died, there were eight of us around the table. Then, except for the funerals, I never saw any of my relatives again. And I probably will never see any of them ever again.

My family now is my two brothers, on opposite ends of the continent, and my in-laws, who are wonderful people, whom I am proud to say count me as a relative. Those other people a thousand miles away - they have always been strangers.

What’s your family like?

2

I consider myself so lucky, my family and I are extremely close.

My mom has 5 siblings. I have 11 cousins on my mom’s side, plus my brother. I am extremely close with all my aunts and uncles and cousins. We see each other all the time. What’s cool is that all my cousins are in within the same age range, so it’s like we’re all really good friends.

I still live near my parents and I see them at least once every two weeks. My brother lives 3 miles from me. I have two aunts and one cousin who live within 15 minutes of me. That cousin I also consider to be my best friend. Another cousin who lives only an hour away is also a great friend of mine. A second cousin is renting a room from my brother. My brother, cousins and I all get together occasionally and have a great time! They’re like my best friends!

We have family get-togethers all the time. Of course there’s Thanksgiving and holidays, but we get together and do dinner and stuff all the time.

3

I come from a very, very large family, and we’re still pretty close. For example, my aunt recently had her 99th birthday and she alone had nearly 100 direct descendants (she had 10 children and twins run pretty heavily). Still, I was able to speak to everyone by name and no one was a stranger. I’m much closer to the ones that are nearer to my own age (I have cousins that are nearly twic my age and I’m 40 years old), but, again, no one was a stranger.

As far as my immediate family (siblings, nieces, nephews) - we’re as thick as thieves and there’s more than 20 of us.

4

I’m from a very small family, and we’re not close at all with those outside of the immediate family. The main reason is distance - my parents moved from Australia to the US after they were married, so their relatives are about 10,000 miles away from me. I have one uncle and three cousins in Australia, and I hear from one of the cousins each year at Christmas - she sends a calendar. The other ones I never hear from, nor do I make any attempt to contact them. I’m sure there are some other, more distant relatives running around Australia as well, but I have no idea where or who they are.

As for my parents and sisters, we keep in contact by phone fairly regularly, and see one another once or twice a year.

5

Mom’s side - yes. All of us cousins keep in close touch.

Dad’s side - eh. I don’t even think I’ve ever met half the cousins on that side, and I don’t really care. They, I assume, feel the same way.

6

We’re a close family.

On my mother’s side, I see my grandmother at least twice a week for tea and card games, my aunts at least once a month, and my cousins a bit less since they’re teens and don’t like visiting family so much. Part of the family is overseas in the UK and we stay in touch decently well by e-mail, depending on how busy we are. I even know most of my mother’s aunts and uncles, and a few of her cousins. It would be hard to know all of them very well, since she has 144 first cousins… We save that stuff for family reunions in the summer.

We’re not as close on my father’s side, since my parents split up, but we still exchange birthday calls and cards and get together for some holidays. When the ones from further away come into town for a visit, we always manage to have dinner or an outing together.

7

On my mother’s side I speak with my aunt and my cousins fairly regularly on IM and emails, they live in Lousiana. My other aunt on my mother’s side I have not spoken to in at least 2 years and I have not spoken to any of my cousins in over 3 years, they live 10 minutes away.

My mother was always closer to her sister that lives in Louisiana so I think it just moved on to the kids being closer as well.

I have not spoke to my father in at least 3 years and have not spoken to any member of his family in over 15 years. I don’t care and I doubt any of them do either.

8

Mine’s not a close or large family. I haven’t seen or heard from my father or oldest brother in 15+ years. I’ve not seen my other two brothers or mother in about three years, but do talk to her every few weeks.

We’re also far-flung - 25 years ago, we were all in the same house. Now we’re scattered across the country - California, Texas, Illinois, Pennsylvania (unconfirmed) and New Jersey (also unconfirmed)

9

I’m close to my parents, but that’s about it. I do see the aunts, uncles, and cousins occasionally, but only when I go to my parents’ or when I go with them to visit the other relatives. Once my parents generation is gone, I seriously doubt my generation will have any reason or desire to get together. No great family disagreements or feuds or anything; we just don’t really have anything in common and don’t have much of a desire to keep in touch.

10

Ah, forgot about all the other folks. I’ve not seen any aunts, uncles, nephews, etc in 20+ years and all grandparents had died off before I was 6.

Not only are we not close, we’re not terribly durable.

11

My Mom was an only child, and my Father (he died 18 mos. ago) ran off. I talk to my Mom everydayish and my Grandmother once a week or so, they’re booth on the other side of the country. My other grandparents are gone. Of the sibs, I see one of my younger brothers everyday as he lives in the same complex I do. My oldest brother and I don’t get along, but I still see him maybe once a month when he comes to borrow money. My youngest brother and I talk at least once a week, the same with my only sister. There is one younger brother I see maybe once a year although he only lives across the bay.

12

My mother was tight with most of her siblings, but my father didn’t get along with them. Between that and distance, my sisters and I never got particularly close to them. My father’s siblings were scattered all over the country and since none of them really liked my grandparents, reunions were few.

Contrast that to Mrs. Kunilou’s family, who lived together in the same house even after the oldest siblings got married. The missus is closer to many of her older cousins than she is to her brother (who was born as she left for college).

She and I have a definite culture clash when it comes to how we deal with our respective relatives.

13

We have been in the past but I moved to the other end of the country in 2003 and it sounds like it is finally unraveling with every section off doing its own thing. It’s a little depressing but I’ve known it was going to happen for years now and fully expect it to fall to dust when my mom and aunt, the two people that keep it cohesive, die in (hopefully) a few more decades.

14

Well…depends on whose side of the family you’re talking about. My paternal grandparents, one aunt and two cousins all live in one large apartment in a building a block from my house. My other aunt and three cousins live in Vaughn, but I talk to the oldest cousin from that family all the time. We see each other about every other week for dinner. Of course, I’m living with my parents and younger brother, who I have wonderful relationships (“wondership”??) with, even though we fight occassionally.

My mother’s entire family lives in Korea, each aunt/uncle and her/his respective family in a different town. My mother talks with her sisters on the phone long-distance every week or so. Unfortunately, I’ve never met my maternal grandparents because my mother hates her father and step-mother (her real mother died when she was 7). I asked my mother where my other pair of grandparents were (I met all four of my friend’s grandparents one day and I wondered where my other two were because I realized that I had never met them) and she told me they were dead. I know for a fact they aren’t. But that’s what she told me and that was only a couple of months ago. :frowning:

15

My mother’s side of the family is large (she’s the younger of 9), but yet I don’t feel like I really know any of them. Her sisters all moved away or died before I was born–I haven’t met a couple of my cousins for this reason, one died in the same crash and the other hasn’t been around since. I spent more time with them when I was younger than i do now, but I don’t really have anything to talk to them about when we do see each other. I was never close to my cousins, as my youngest on that side is 4 years older than me, (there’s one a year or two younger than that, but he lives in Switzerland). Most of them have moved out now, and about half of them aren’t even in the province anymore.

On my father’s side, we slipped apart a little after my grandmother died. We always used to do things at her house, but my grandfather never kept up the tradition, though we do have a few family traditions, like french fries and leftover turkey for supper at my aunt’s house on boxing day. I’m closer to them, especially my cousins (though again, big age difference, no one closer than 6 years to my age).

I don’t live particularly close to any of my relatives. Close enough that a random visit is totally doable, but it never happened that much. Currently, I’m living quite far from most of my relatives, so I see them even less. I have a few cousins and an aunt and two uncles in the area, but I never visit.

I was never close to any of my grandparents (except my parternal grandmother). I’ve never been able to really talk with my dad’s stepfather at all, my mom’s mom died when I was five, and my grandfather is almost 75 years older than me.

So, I guess my answer is ‘no’, though we do know each other well enough for the most part. I think my mom’s family is fairly close knit, I’m just a bit of an outsider to them.

16

Thanks for the interesting responses. I’m kind of envious of some of you who have large, connected families. It must be nice. At the same time, it’s also comforting to know that it’s not just my family that doesn’t seem to have any interest in each other. I haven’t known any of them as adults, and we’re flung fairly far afield now. I don’t feel connected to anybody back there, and I never really did. Sad, eh?

One time I was on a bus in the city where I used to live, and this young, teenaged kid started talking to me like he knew me. Eventually, I had to ask him who he was. “I’m your cousin!” I didn’t know him from Adam. Still don’t.

17

Overall my extended and immediate family dynamic is pretty terrific – there’s only occassional people I don’t get along with. I’m not as close to my father’s side as my mother’s but they’re pretty open and friendly. My sisters are terrific, but that’s largely due to my sister mellowing out considerably since she had kids. My relationship with my parents is solid.

I worry that my maternal grandmother’s eventual passing will irreparably damage the family’s close-knit nature; she’s the matriarch and the reason we see each other so often for Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas.

Really, the hardest thing is my brother living in Toronto. I haven’t seen him in three years now; fortunately we MSN Messager each other regularly and I phone at least once a month.