And Boxer Day. We don’t celebrate that holiday here in the U.S. because we don’t want to honor psychotics like Mike Tyson.
And don’t even get me started on Independence Day. If you ask me, “God save the Queen!”
Actually, the whole word holiday discriminates against those of us who work at night. And daylight savings time is also there to make sure us 3rd shifters stay in the dark…
And Father’s Day! People act like having a penis is a big deal! I can go out and buy one for 20 bucks, but does anyone give me a card?
I protest!
To say nothing of us atheists, who object in the strongest possible terms to the use of “holy” to describe any day we’ll be a part of. Holiday indeed. Hmph.
Fucking Earth Day. Just another tool of the Terran man designed to keep the outer planets down.
They make it seem all noble, but you know all the anti-Jovites use the opportunity to get together just to bitch about all the “dirty gas giants” that are ruining their precious solar system. I promise you that one day we will break the bonds of the asteroid belt. And when four billion years of oppression leads to The Revolution, Earth’s axis will be the first against the Oort Cloud, lemmetellya.
Hey Alpha pass what you’re smokin’ over here willya.
And you know what chaps my ass? Fucking ARBOR DAY! Just because I’m flora and not fauna, the goddamn trees gotta rub my nose in it.
Well, I’m gonna start friggin’ MAMMAL DAY, so not only will the trees be excluded, but so will reptiles and other non-warm-blooded creatures. Fuck you, ya amphibian!
OK, I reversed flora and fauna. But you get my point, you fucking invertabrate!
I am heartened by all the responses. I thought I was alone in my anger about discriminatory “holidays” (to use that religionist phrase), but I see the revolution has begun!!
Forward! We must not stop until all these evil “days” (lightist) have been destroyed and replaced with the new celebratory time frame, Universe Period!!
Sua
And Flag Day. So I’m not a fucking piece of cloth. Bite Me!
Ah, but you people have left out the most horrifying holiday of all–Grandparents’ Day. Of course, on one level Grandparents’ Day is merely discriminatory, barring those of us who are descendent-deprived from participating in the joy of the season.
But I call it “horrifying” because it actually PROMOTES teen pregnancy! What other holiday can claim this? Every year, when Grandparents’ Day rolls around, my teenage daughter feels tremendous pressure, not only from the media, but also from her peer group, to go out there and make me a Grandma. So far she has nobly resisted. “Honey,” I tell her, “I don’t need to hold your baby in my arms to know that you love me. A card will be fine.”
Maybe now that Dubya finally has his mandate from the American People, he can do something about this Hallmark Holiday from Hell that is slowly and insidiously destroying our American Way of Life.
If you buy one, won’t that turn you into a lezbian? Ohh … wait … 
Sua
Ummmm, you mean Boxing Day, Tzel? Not that I’m at all sure what the hell it DOES celebrate…
andygirl, having one is no big deal, of course. But if one demonstrates proper use at least once (i.e., fathering a child) what the heck, give 'em a card!
But what about the idea of celebrating an outcast of society who stumbled on a new continent while really looking for some other place? I mean really, how long do we have to put up with the farce that is Columbus Day?
I agree that MOST holidays suck, but one thing we can ALL agree upon is that Thanksgiving KICKS ASS! I mean, that’s what it’s all about, right? We kicked the red man’s butt! And who doesn’t love a festive ass-whoopin’? Hooray for all us non-native Americans!! It’s nice that there’s a holiday that whites, blacks, Christians, Jews and whatnot can enjoy together.
What really irks me are the weekly celebrations given to the moon. My freakin’ calendar is FULL of crap about the moon. “Ooh, the moon is new!” “Hooray, it’s the last quarter!” Screw you, Moon!
I protest your limited definition of “proper use!” How dare you insinuate that I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I spent my twenty dollars!
Now where’s my card, damn it?
And while we’re at it, whatever happened to writing letters or giving flowers? Fuck the greeting card industry! Bunch of paper-wasting lowlifes…
And what about Estelle Getty’s Birthday?
Well, excuuuuuse me if I like to smear feces on myself and dance the watusi. You think that just because it’s your birthday that I’ll put away my family sized vat of Crisco and just set all these hamsters free? You self-centered old bitch! I hate you for the way that you…
::looks around::
Oh, heh. Never mind.
I was just kidding, or something.
MEBuckner, just be happy you don’t live in Massachusetts! We have two holidays up here that demean those selfless Limeys who not only gave us “Blackadder” but let us use their cute little island as an airbase. Evacuation Day on March 17 celebrates the withdrawal of the Brits from their occupation of Boston in 1776. Does anyone even THINK of the poor British conscript forced to leave behind the pretty Dorchester girl he’d fallen for? The unfortunate sergeant who, as he marched out of town, had to withstand the taunts of a bunch of ragged colonials who’d be better off shot? Of course not! Then there’s June 17, Bunker Hill* Day. War is never something to “celebrate”! I mean, people may have ctually DIED on Bunker Hill, mmmm-kay? :mad:
*Fact that most of the battle actually took place on nearby Breed’s Hill withheld for greater comic effect.
Yeah, that’s the one. But how about Thanksgiving Day? If you ask me, it’s basically saying, “Hey Injuns, thanks for the land. Suckers.”