One week ago today a terrible tragedy was visited upon the United States. Now, as we sit in our homes, we feel violated, angry, confused, bewildered. Will we be safe ever again? For most of us, the sheer shock has gradually given way, we begin to question the events and start to realize that many fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, sons, daughters, cousins and friends are not coming home. Not today, not tomorrow. These loved ones are gone from this Earth. It’s a hard realization. With this realization comes anger. Anger at the ones who committed this atrocious crime against the people of the United States. Anger at those who look different.
This event changed my life. I hope that I never forget the feelings I had on that tragic September 11 of 2001. I hope I do not become complacent. I hope and pray that the perpetrators come to justice. I hope and pray that President Bush means what he says.
As of September 10, 2001, I would not have considered myself racist. I had to bear down very hard on myself this week. My neighbors up the street are Indian. On Saturday evening we came home to find the street lined with cars. “A party” I thought. My initial reaction was outrage. And I am ashamed to admit that I thought the worst of my neighbors. “How dare they have a party, they must be celebrating!” Until I calmed down. This may not have been a party, it may have been a prayer meeting, they may have lost loved ones in the attack, and called upon their friends for support.
Seeing persons of Middle East descent in the stores gave me another pause. I would stop and take deep breaths, averting my eyes so that they did not see the accusation and condemnation. And then grace would come to me, these people are just as American as I, they are hurting just as I, they are outraged, just as I.
I must admit, I am scared. My husband flew into Newark on Sunday. I sat by the phone until he called to say he had arrived safely. He said there had been Arab-Americans on his flight. Again, I had to clamp down on my newly developed prejudice.
I don’t like the person I have become.