It's a tall people conspiracy

Forget the Jewish conspiracy; you know who has conspired to take over the world? Tall people.

Through the NBA lobby, the Elders of the Tall people have taken over the democratic primary.

Look who’s doing bad: Dean, Lieberman, and Kucinich. Short, short, and short!

Look who’s probably going to win the nomination: Kerry. He’s a fucking giant!

We short people must start a Revolution, too end this anti-parvitism forever.

What? Speak up down there!

Aren’t you adorable? <pats agiantdwarf on the top of his head>

Your LEGS will be the first thing to go during the Revolution. Rest assured. (or should I say, LEGLESS! HAHAHAHA)

Eggs? No, I don’t wish to buy any eggs, young man…but aren’t you a handsome fellow! Here’s a quarter for the picture show!

You know, I knew tall people were illiterate, but I didn’t realize it was this bad! Anyway, I think we should kick tall people out of this country because they make up a disproportionate % of the prisons. (No cite, just watch Oz!)

Don’t worry, agiantdwarf. You are not alone.


Hey little fella, you got a purty mouth.

Nott oll uv uss ar iliterit.



I thought it was well known that the tallest guy always won…

If there is a tall person conspiracy, why do short people get more leg room on airplanes? :smiley:

To compensate for the fact that we can’t see the in-flight movie over your heads?


I’m with the OP, and I say it’s past time we passed a law about how high food can be stacked in grocery stores.

What’s with putting giant jars of spaghetti sauce three deep on the top shelf?? I can only get anything off the top shelf IF the shelf is full to the very front edge, and even then I can only reach the bottom most item. And, no, I’m not a dwarf, I’m 5’ 5", which I believe is within an inch of the average for adult females in this country.

I’m tired of having to hunt down a clerk or a helpful stranger all the time. I think from now own I’ll just grab that bottom most jar and duck out of the way as the ones on top of it come tumbling down. You’ll be able to track my progress through the store by the series of crashes and smashes and thuds. :mad:

But then what will become of my plan to justify my existence and meet girls by hanging around grocery stores and offering to reach things for people?

You know, this thought of yours has real merit. Consider the natural outcome: all those tall guys being smitten with the charms of us pocket venuses, followed by marriage and children, naturally.

The tall girls, now bereft of tall guys, will match up with the short guys, followed by marriage and children.

And, with any luck, the children, though the mixture of parental genes, will come out average!
Think of it, an entire nation where every man is between 5’8" and 5’10", and the women run 5’5" to 5’7".

No more heightism! The evil tall people conspiracy AND the ultra-secret short people backlash society BOTH foiled in a single move.


And think of the savings for manufacturers. No more having to produce pants in tall/medium/short. Probably the range of shoe sizes drops, too. Greater ease in producing furniture that fits everyone. Row spacing of seats settles on a value that suits all. “One Size Fits All” might actually mean something.

I heard a reference this morning to Kerry as “the world’s tallest Shar-Pei”.

StarvingButStrong, you have an excellent plan! But, is it retroactive? I mean, would I, a 5’8" female have to divorce my 6’1" husband, marry some guy who is 5’3" and then have children with him? What about the children my tall husband and I already have? Would they have to be sacrificed for the future good of society? Or is this a “from here on out” type of plan where I just have to make sure my kids marry someone whos height fall in line, proportional to theirs, to your plan?

Keep me updated; this could be important. :slight_smile:

What? Liberman’s short? I though he was a Jew? I’m so confused.

Maybe we can just have an all-dwarf presidential race. Then when the tallest dwarf wins, we’ll all be scratching our fucking heads.

The reign of the tall will fall! Brain over brawn! The earth will be inherited by those intellegent enough to use a stepstool and hang around in malls! MWAHAHA!

Oh why don’t you all go listen to Randy Newman:

“Short people ain’t got no reason. . .”