I can speak from exact experience.
My high school sweet heart and wife I had known for half of my life died when I was 30. She had been sick for 7 years with various cancers and maladies and finally succumbed to a brain tumor after being diagnosed 13 months prior.
It wasn’t a surprise that she was going to die.
I went out on my first date about a month after she died.
Some people were shocked, some were not happy, some were understanding.
Its ok for you to go out on a date a month after the death. I’m glad I did, and I have good memories of those dates I had with some lovely women.
It doesn’t denigrate my wifes death or her importance to me. The fact of the matter is that I was so happy with her and being married to her that I desired to be in a relationship again.
Do you want to go on a date? then go on the date…what anyone else thinks is irrelevant because they are wrong. Its as if you want vanilla ice cream, but someone tells you that you shouldn’t want vanilla ice cream…screw 'em.
I’ve seen a lot of people who never date again after the death of a spouse, and they seem to be people who were not happy being married and are comfortable finally being ‘free’.
Late to the thread but I just want to reiterate to make sure you have your alcohol under control. I’ve known a lot of alcoholics and it frankly worries me that you’ve expressed a bit of a cavalier attitude about the drinking. FWIW, I don’t believe in 12-step programs, but I also don’t think most people that have abused alcohol to the point of strong physical dependence (which you absolutely did if you were hospitalized for DTs) usually get over it without any relapses without a lot of work.
You know better than any of us what’s going on there but a lot of people who get to the point of alcohol addiction you were at, never recover and ultimately die from their addiction (often during a relapse), so question yourself a lot on the booze situation and don’t ignore it.
I know I sound cavalier, but the alcohol topic doesn’t come up. That said, I avoid being put in a position where it comes up, because I know all that and it scares me. She doesn’t seem like much of a drinker, though my hobby during my long decades of sobriety was encouraging others to get drunk. Call me Mr DD.
Anyway, I always preferred reefer.
ETA: And anyway, like a good AAer, I’m fakin’ it 'til I make it.
A loud friend at work has loudly decided that I like my Plan B. If it operates as a red herring, good, because possible work romances usually need to be kept under wraps, and I dont think she’s interested in me. But if it triggers some interest, that’s good, too! Real cute and gorgeous figure for 53. Gorgeous figure for 33.
I am such a slut.
Nope, gotta put the kibosh on it. She obviously heard the braying and now I’m getting the cold shoulder. I like her as a friend and now I have to repair it. Loudmouth is 60 and needs to learn that junior high was nearly 50 years ago.
Plan B got in an argument about how everbody in America should speak English with a Yankish woman who happens, it turns out, to be married to a gent from Columbia whose English is imperfect. I am drawn to Tea Baggers and Republicans like a moth to a flame, but I prefer them to possess Clue #1.
Because I was the first person I ever heard called a drama queen, I told Plan A that she had wrecked my weekend plans to get over her, but then she wore THAT outfit, alas!
“My life won’t be this messed up forever,” she said.
“And I get more time to get cuter!”
“It isn’t that, and you know it.”
My personality got stalled when my depression started, when I was sixteen. I’ve matured to seventeen, but I like it here.
Hah, the intrigue thing is killing you. Only she can answer what it is exactly that interests her, but it’s a good enough reason to go on a date with someone. And now over dinner you have something to talk about (“so what about me is so fascinating?”). Be prepared to reciprocate.
It sounds like a good thing for both of you and I hope it works out.
I told my doctor about my bewilderment and she said, “I think there are a number of things about you that could be ‘intriguing.’” I could easily like her like “that.” Pretty, ginger, appropriately aged, smart, and snarky. Shortly after starting with her I asked her where she grew up. “Guess.”
“From your accent and bad attitude, I’d say near-southwest Chicago suburbs.”
“I grew up in LaGrange Park.”
“A bit north, but close enough.”
My previous appointment was a few days after my seizure, while I still wore the most rubbish beard in Christendom and was finishing my crawl out of the abyss. Tuesday I complimented her on her new hair color, NOT mentioning that it was a charming color not found in nature. Her return compliment was that I’m looking a lot less Skid Row.
“Thank you. I feel a lot less Skid Row.”
I think I have a new Plan B, except I think she’s married. Alas and alackaday!
Plan A doesn’t drive, so I offered to take her to the company picnic. “No, thanks; I should be driving by then.”
As of yesterday she still wasn’t driving, so I repeated the offer, to the same response.
Today, still not driving, she got a ride from another guy to the picnic. Even seventeen-yr-olds eventually toss a quarter in a machine and buy a clue. Looks like I need a new Plan A.
My fault. I wanted there to be some there there, but it turns out that we were closer and communicated better last Fall, when I would drive her to the mall once or twice a week to meet her sister. This time I had to play Kremlin Watcher, looking for hints and portents, and reading them wrong.
And a Plan B, since my old one turned out to be a little too racist. IT Lady has grown a bit handsy lately. Not a great beauty, but a SF fan so I at least know what sort of movie to suggest. Don’t know if she’s Marvel or DC yet, but in Kirk vs Picard she’s Kirk, giving us conversation topics.
So, kids, did you all enjoy the story of my first crush since widowhood, from start to finish? :rolleyes:
Only she can answer what it is exactly that interests her, but it’s a good enough reason to go on a date with someone. And now over dinner you have something to talk about (“so what about me is so fascinating?”). Be prepared to reciprocate.